I feel guilty every single day. My oldest sister was killed in a car accident along with two others when a truck driver high on meth lost control of his vehicle. I thank the universe for my youngest nephew's survival. But I think about the sentencing hearing and how the attorneys said they were hopeful for our healing since we had forgiven him. But I didn't then, and I still haven't. My sister was estranged from my entire family but had reached out to me a few days before she had died, wanting to see me that weekend. I feel robbed of a relationship I could have had. I feel disconnected from my other siblings because I know I'm growing up to be just like our sister. I graduated high school and dropped out of college, my brother got married, my other sister is supposed to be getting married in a few days and the only thing I can think of is how shitty it is that there should be four siblings in all of these pictures when there aren't. I'd be okay with her not wanting to talk to us, as long as she was still here.