1st cold front of season blew in last night wind blowing like crazy howling of the wind rounding the corner of our home strong wind sounds as if roof shingles were being lifted .. I laid awake realization that you are gone forever ..
Wind was blowing hard in Maine last night too. Same thoughts, and feelings of emptiness and longing for the comfort of his arms.
Again, I awake in the night wishing we could cuddle and hold each other. I miss your gentle and loving voice. "Mary, did I tell you that I love you today". It has only been 6 weeks and I can't believe you are gone. Life is continuing for me, the farm keeps me busy, the kids and their families are keeping me moving, I am numb, painful and .miss you so much. 45 years of growing, loving, sharing; my best friend in the whole world. Life will never, ever be the same. I finally wrote your obituary with the kids a few days ago. I keep telling myself I must move forward, but even with all the kids support, I feel exhausted, painful, and the lust of life is all but gone. I miss you my love so very much.
I lost my husband of 51 years Thanksgiving morning. He took a big piece of my heart with him. The void is awful. We did everything together. I went to the grocery store and when I got home I fell apart because there nothing on my list he would especially want. I wonder what I am supposed to do with the rest of my life.
Diane, so sorry to hear about your husband - 51 years is a long time. My wife passed on November 12th. There is such a void in our lives and it is hard to imagine going forward without our spouses. I ask God every night what my purpose in life is. I eat alone, watch TV alone, shop alone, cook alone, clean alone. There is just no one I can relate to. We were best best friends. How on earth can I every replace that - I can't. So I still haven't heard from God as to my purpose in life. I did tell my wife that I would try to fill her shoes as "grandma". I wrapped gifts she had bought with tears streaming down my face. I even made some bars she would bake that everyone raved over. Maybe my purpose is just to be here for everyone else. One thing for sure, this is all new to us so we have to learn all over again. I just turned 66 so it's not as if I can just reload and start over. But I'll be damned if I let cancer ruin any more of my kids, grand kids and my life. I don't think the hurt will every go away so the best I can hope for is to draw some balance and find a place in my broken heart for both her and what lies ahead for me in this new role. We are all now well aware how precious life is. I don't want to look back and say I squandered my life away - my wife clearly would not want me to. So broken heart and all, I need to move forward - whatever the future brings.
I am sorry for your loss. This is without a second thought the most difficult experience i have ever encountered. I was married to my husband for 45 years. He passed away after hernia surgery complications at the end of October 2018. He was only 68. We did just about everything together. I think he knew me better than i knew myself. He was the love of my life. We began dating during the holiday season years ago and this is proving to be a very hard Christmas for me as well. Our kids are very supportive of me and have made sure I stay busy and active. Doug and I have a small farm with all kinds of critters that require attention. Friends have been helping me maintain things of which I am most greatful. Life is so very empty right now, that it is hard to bear. I make myself get up every morning, I am trying to eat sensibly, and I am trying to sleep, but all is a struggle. Again, I am sorry for loss, and I hope that you move towards less pain and suffering in your process of grieving.[
