Widowed at 49 and now 58

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by Teresa101, Dec 6, 2018.

  1. Teresa101

    Teresa101 Member

    I still have not dated. I could only dream of a man like my husband after 29 years and 5 kids . He died 13 months after my 15 year old daughter was killed. She was our youngest. I have no desire to move on. My other kids think I'm depressed .
     
  2. Ralph Smith

    Ralph Smith Member

    Losing a child has got to be the worst. And then losing a spouse a year later has got to be devastating. I lost my wife in Nov. 2014. I have no desire to date again either. I am so tired of people telling me that I should find somebody so I am not alone. Maybe I want to be alone. I could never find another one like Michelle. She was my soulmate. Everyone has someone that is perfect for them in this world. I was lucky enough to find mine. No one will ever measure up to her. I will always be comparing that person to her and that is not fair to them. Good luck and God bless.
     
  3. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    Ralph, I lost my wife a year and nine months ago. I would never search for someone to "fill her shoes" because no one ever could. She was the love of my life. That doesn't mean that I don't ever want a relationship with anyone ever again. My house is quiet (with the exception of our two dogs) living by myself. I would love to be able to come home and share how my day went with someone and to talk about how theirs went. Someone to walk the dogs with, go for a drive with, cook dinner for. Celebrate holidays together, take trips with. I wouldn't expect them to take the place of my wife, it's to big of a task to fulfill. That doesn't mean that they couldn't make me truly happy again. But everyone is different. If you are happy being alone, then you should be. At first I felt guilty about just thinking about being with another woman. My wife didn't choose to get cancer and pass away. If see had her choice, she would be right here. We spent almost 40 years together before I lost her. But if it was the other way around and it was me that passed away, I would want my wife to grieve, recover, and be happy again. I'm sure that's what my wife would want for me too. I'm trying to be happy and some days I am. But there is something missing in my life that I need to find. I pray that God's plan for me includes that
     
  4. Dave33085

    Dave33085 Well-Known Member

    Teresa, Im so sorry for your loss. No one should have to go through what you did. I have three children of my own and don't know what I would do without them. I hope you find peace and happiness again some day. I truly mean that.
     
  5. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Dave and Teresa.

    I am also in the middle on this topic. Dave all the things you listed that were the bread and butter of your relationship really resonated. During the months of insomnia I really by accident went on the Match.com. Yes, some friends suggested that might be something to try, My actual intent was to just go to dinner and talk. At our ages, we have so many stories to tell. The woman there were really looking for 24/7 committed relationships. I picked what I viewed as one of the wisest women on the site to inquire about living a life with universal love versus romantic love. Her bio was full of amazing charity work and a very fulfilled life yet she was back for a second time looking for that hand in glove relationship. Her advice was to do the work of building a life that works and most of our needs are met. She dated a widowed man and was on the verge of marriage at least twice but she was always viewed in comparison. I was so impressed by her and felt sad that what we had in our relationships was so hard to come by. Teresa why would you not be depressed or really just slowly adjusting. You have such significant losses. I had a life that worked and now have to fill in a new one. This feels like a toddler where everything is new with small pieces get added to make living worthwhile. Something like buying a box of fresh peaches while up on Mount Rainier doing the high meadow flowers, always a go-to good thing. What does a single man do with a box of peaches? He gives some away and then watches a youtube video on the steps to freeze them. The point being that is about all I can do. I agree that some dating just to have company would be good. The closeness that I had with Kay was built over 40 years. That was always there in the beginning. I feel like I have lived in a cave of a secure relationship and now seeing a new world. Small steps but a 24/7 relationship? I do not see that but maybe.