Why is this so. Painful?

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by Jonathan5757, May 7, 2020.

  1. Jonathan5757

    Jonathan5757 Well-Known Member

    I tried to spend yesterday just trying til I relax, it didn't happen I started too, then here comes thoughts of Aimee. I feel it's like ripping a scab off every time I bring her up, or think about a future without her. Life is such a bummer now. What truly made me happy is gone and now I'm stuck trying to enjoy a cheap novelties in Life there sad second to my true happiness. I'm not going to lie some positive things are happening. But I would take being on the street with my Aimee Vs all the money in the world without her.I do hope God brings in another to help me through Life...l know I can't do it all alone....
    Tammlamm likes this.
  2. Tammlamm

    Tammlamm Active Member

  3. Tammlamm

    Tammlamm Active Member

    They say to embrace our grief..it's so difficult to smile, and enjoy things. Remember one day at a time. You loved Aimee deeply. Your soul mate. Let the scabs heal. If you don't enjoy things its OK. Nobody will replace her but the fact that you cared so deeply for her is very remarkable. Some never have a chance to love like you two did.Stay safe and keep talking to Aimee. Its not weird, I look up and talk to my Mom alot.
    cg123 and TJones like this.
  4. TJones

    TJones Active Member

    Hi Jonathan,

    I’m sorry to read of the loss of your beloved Aimee. I know all to well how much it hurts and how the emptiness seems to go on without end. When I first came here I was devastated by the loss of my dad. I know it’s a little different scenario but at the end of the day, a loss is a loss.

    I didn’t initially think I’d ever get past the loss and enjoy life again. After all, that was my dad - my first love, my first hero, my first person that was never going to die. I’m probably different than a lot of people here because talking about my dad and the loss of him actually brings me comfort. I visit his grave usually once a week if not two or three times. Sometimes I just need solitude and to talk to him.

    I can tell how much you miss Aimee. I know every time you reach out, you are digging deep and hoping for some peace and comfort. I’m available if you need to talk.

    With time, it will get easier and in time you will meet someone new. You will feel the excitement of life again. But for now, take your time to grieve. Grieve the loss of your sweet Aimee. But understand, if I know one thing it is that she would not want you to be upset day after day. I know our loved ones would want us to move forward and live life.

    I hope your day is a good one and the days that follow bring with them a little more peace than the one before.

    Jonathan5757 likes this.
  5. CAL425

    CAL425 Member

    Hey Johnathan,

    I found this site looking for help from my current losses. That being said I lost my Ali Jim on August 8, 2013. We started dating when I was 17. We have two girls. He was my best friend, my McGuyver, my first and only true love. It was messy it was complicated. It was deep and he is was and always will be my soul mate. I still have times when I cry. There isn't. Day that goes by I don't miss him. I still cannot watch the Pittsburgh Steelers play football. I listen to Ozzy Osbourne or Led Zeppelin and cry. A very good friend told me to remember this...

    The love and loss I feel is like standing in the ocean up to my knees. The waves will roll in, some will shake me, some will move me, but none will drown me. I should let them come, and then as all waves do they will roll back out. She said there will be days when the wave are warm memories, there will be days when they are cold and hurt to the core, but that all roll in and they all role out. Let them.

    Your waves are crashing on you right now, and your legs are fresh and not used to the loose sand. Let the emotions come cry, rail, and scream if you need to, but also let them go. You aren't letting Aimee go...you are learning to stand with her memories. In time you learn to move forward as you do more warm waves will come. There will still be cold waves too, but you'll see them coming and appreciate the beauty.

    I miss my Ali Jim everyday. I lie in the dark and wanted to cry on his chest when my momma died. I wanted to hold his hand when I left the hospice center when my sister died. I wanted him to be at my oldest daughters Prom and Graduation. At the end of the day...there is hope. It is okay not to feel okay right now it is okay to grieve.

    Your in my thoughts. This is a Ted Talk I found extremely helpful. You'll find you sea legs...give yourself time.

    Diane Thea, paul tinker and TJones like this.
  6. TJones

    TJones Active Member

    Beautifully explained ❤️
  7. Jonathan5757

    Jonathan5757 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all I appreciate all the shoulders I have to lean on. All understanding and empathy here is truly amazing and I'm so glad this is an outlet for so many memories and emotions.
    Thankyou all so much-Jonathan Staufenbiel -a Man of many Experiences...