Why does everyone leave?

Am I the only one who has lost more than one good friend while dealing with grief? I feel like I’m grieving the living and the dead. People have said they can’t be what I need. I have said I don’t need them to do anything but they disappear. Most of these people are my age and have not experienced the loss of someone close to them. I don’t know what to do. I am so alone it’s unbearable and I have no family so I’ve had to grieve my mother all by myself. I don’t know how to do this but at this rate I am going to lose everyone I’ve ever known and that terrifies me. I’ve found myself just isolating and not even attempting to connect with others because I’ve had so many bad experiences I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Would love some insight.

 

Hello. I have not lost my parents but I had lost my best friend and soul mate. He moved so far away. I know what its like to feel you have no one. My parents are narcissist and I have few friends as a single mom. I had to cut off people who where doing drugs or who I just didn't connect with. Was all alone and fealt like i had no one. I saw a therapist and that is someone you can talk to. Eventually I met a women much older than me through work and she helps me to not feel alone because she gets it. But I was alone for 2 years. There are people just please don't give up.

 

I also know the terrified feeling well. Being alone is scary. We are hard wired for survival to be around people. Its natural. So you have to make sure you stay open and talk to people even at the grocery store. Don't close off completely. I bet there is at least one facebook friend you could reach out to and get to know even more.

 

It’s strange. Going through grief is like having the plague. People don’t want to be around me. I remind them that one day they too will lose their parents. I’ve begged friends to call me because I miss hearing familiar voices but they won’t. Always an excuse. I’m tired of texting. I feel like the last dog at the shelter no one wants.
I’ve been in therapy many years for other things. Where I am living now is kind of a mess when it comes to decent mental health professionals. The person I see for medication basically told me it wasn’t worth my time or money. I tried seeing a couple of different people the year my mom died and they all basically said they’d be sad too if they had no one left. So I kind of gave that whole idea up. Besides I don’t want to spend money telling someone that I’m sad I have no family left on this planet. I want someone to tell me how to go on. And not tell me to join a book club. Or ask if I have any cousins. Honestly if I don’t have any aunts or uncles I don’t understand why so many people refuse to believe there isn’t a cousin somewhere that would fix this. Sigh.

 

I've had not great counseling too. Got to just try again. I saw 3 over the years and in hindsight it wasn't a good fit. A lady I met turned me on to some councelors and people she knows that work with energy. Just keep trying. There is a good fit out there. Sometimes something else is needed like some energy work which is more about shifting our subconscious or the energy we carry around and allowing a release/change that way. Modern medicine doesn't always acknowledge this kind of healing. Here is link to herbal remedies which I can attest to. https://www.evolutionaryherbalism.com/2018/07/13/herbs-for-grief/