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Why do we cry more weeks than others

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by skies24, Jul 7, 2020.

  1. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

    OMG how devastating is that? Sorry for your loss. My mom had been ill with stomach cancer for seven months before passing away. People would say to me "prepare yourself". Ha! You are never prepared whether long term or short term. The loss and void are real is what I know for sure. Take the time you need to grieve. After crying for me I do feel better. It's like a cleansing. There is no time table. One day at a ti
     
  2. HankersKing6

    HankersKing6 Well-Known Member

     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry! You’ve suffered a lot of losses in such a short period of time. I can’t even imagine.
    Take care of yourself, you know all your family members want that for you. I know you’re in a dark place right now, and overwhelmed with grief, take a day at a time, or one hour or even a moment. Be kind to yourself, and try to get outside and breath in fresh air. It does help.
    I lost my husband to a sudden and massive heart attack. Came out of no where and I lost the love of my life 2 hours later. I miss him terribly, the loneliness is overwhelming. But this site and the people here help me immensely.
    Come to this site often, and read others stories and share your story. It’s very helpful and people on this site understand your pain.
    You’re in my thoughts.
     
    skies24 likes this.
  4. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    I agree.. this site helps... Here is a place that you can vent. Talk about. Try to navigate thur this awful journey.
     
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  5. Edobbins

    Edobbins New Member

    Thank you so much. I think I am just so truly unbelieving on how long and intense grief pain can be. When someone you love is taken from you like ours have been, without warning, it’s like being on a trip I want desperately to quit. I’m grieving my old life that held such promise of more time with them and to love them. Of course we do still love them desperately. Grief is love with no where to go.
     
    skies24 likes this.
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    There’s no way to know or understand how much pain happens with the loss of our loved ones. That is until it happens. And then it’s so much pain it’s unbearable. It’s all the love you’ve shared for all those years and then suddenly that person is gone. You still love them and love the memories but it’s all so different now. Life has changed so much and we just want it to go back to normal. It’s very difficult to get back to anything resembling normal, but all need to try. I use my husband as my inspiration, I still need him to be proud of me, I still very proud of him.
    All the best!
     
  7. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Stated very well, RLC.
     
    RLC likes this.
  8. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    Grief is love with nowhere to go. God that is so damn true.
     
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  9. whitlowing3

    whitlowing3 Member

    Me too! I can’t wait to look at pictures or recall a special memory with a smile instead of tears. Just like everyone else, I have good days and bad days. Some days you feel more lonely than others. Everyone’s grief is different. There is no timeline to being “okay”. My husband has only been gone 4 months. I don’t expect that I’ll be “okay” for a long while! Missing him terribly
     
    cg123, glego, skies24 and 2 others like this.
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I’m not even sure what ok would feel like any more. I suppose it’s a new ok, not what we had. But I’m positive all our loved ones want us to try to move forward and try to get to a better place.
    I’m so thankful for this community of people who don’t judge and share their struggles together to help us all realize what we’re feeling is normal.
     
    Cyanotype, whitlowing3, glego and 2 others like this.
  11. Sometimes.....and this is very hard to do....I have to push the loss away especially at work and it ends up with a big crying spells and stress gead aches. I has caused me to leave work early in several cases.
     
  12. CC2002

    CC2002 Member

    I have noticed some instances where I cry and feel my father's death more than others. Sometimes it just hits me, I have learned to feel it and go through the motions of the sadness... Today I received his death certificate and reading it was very hard. It's been almost five months, and the signatures were delayed due to COVID19 and the business of the hospital.
     
  13. My husband died 6 weeks ago. We were together for 51 years. I don’t remember what life was like before I met him. I can’t begin to describe the loneliness and I have no idea how to more forward.
     
  14. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Georgia,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I understand how you’re feeling, and know the pain you’re in. My husband passed suddenly from a massive heart attack, lost my everything in 2 hours with no warnings. We were together 44 years, I’ve never lived alone, went from living with my parents to our first home as a married couple. Now I’m alone for the first time in my life. The loneliness is overwhelming.
    My best advice is to share and read stories on here often, it’s very helpful to know you’re not alone, we all understand your pain. Take one day at a time or one moment, don’t push too hard. Get fresh air, it does help. Accept any help and support offered. Have people come have coffee with you. Someone sitting with you is a wonderful support.
    My heart breaks for you. Visit this site often. People here care.
    Sending hugs! ❤️
     
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  15. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Georgia, so sorry for your loss. It's been 9 months for me and things are better now, you're at 6 weeks and it's all so recent and not that long that your live was the life you knew for so long. Right now, just the basics try to get some rest, eat healthy and get outside to take a walk or whatever has brought you some joy. Tend to what you need to do in small doses, those financial details, closing accounts, notifying the DMV and social security to protect yourself from any identity fraud issues. Don't be rushed into any financial decisions, give yourself time to go over things. If need be have a trusted friend help. Don't be pressured into getting rid of clothing or anything, do this if you want to and when you're ready. One of my husband's friends insisted on helping me with this when he came into town for the funeral which was on a Tuesday, he came in on Saturday and as I said insisted on coming that weekend to help. I'm so glad I found the courage to say no, I couldn't imagine doing this before the services. His friend said he did this with his mother and it helped. People need to respect there is no right or wrong here, do what you need.

    This is a time where it's about you, good meaning friends and family may push you to go out, I got invited to lunch and dinner, some days I could do it and other times I needed to just stay in and do nothing. I suddenly became unreliable, I'd make plans and then when the day came back out, true friends will understand.

    Don't rush, and be kind to yourself. Many times I thought some of my thoughts were irrational or I was going crazy, for instance not wanting anyone to sit in his chair, almost having a breakdown doing groceries because this or that was on sale and I would have bought it for him (I've heard grocery stores can be a mine field, I didn't know this). You're not going crazy when stuff like this comes up.
     
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  16. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    Georgia,
    Hi, I'm so sorry you are here. I lost my sweet wife Peg also. She died on an otherwise beautiful Sat morning on Nov 2, 2019 from a brain aneurysm. We had coffee and snacks. She said she had a terrible headache and 3 hours later she was in a coma and on life support. My wife of 25 years was gone and I had to learn how to live without her. The terrible things that you feel right now are exactly what I felt too.

    The things that glego said are exactly what I want to tell you also. Go easy as you proceed. One day at a time is all you need be concerned with. Most of all, take care of your health. Eat right, sleep well, get yourself up and out of the house as often as you can. Accept the help that family and friends offer you. Most of them have already gone back to their lives I'm sure and the loneliness and reality has begun to set in. I'm sorry. I think I was in shock most of my first 2 months. I don't even remember what I did.

    I wish you peace, love and kindness in your new life ahead. Always remember, you never know what is coming to you tomorrow so live on and find out! I just was told a few days ago that my sweet daughter and her husband are going to have their first child. A boy.

    Prayer is a good thing. Pray. I hope you come back and post often. I know it has helped me cope.
     
    glego likes this.
  17. Cyanotype

    Cyanotype Well-Known Member

    Its not a month yet and I cry so much
     
  18. Cyanotype

    Cyanotype Well-Known Member

    What we are feeling is normal..... so important
     
  19. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Skies, I think people think we're okay because we say we are. There's this expectation around loss that you should be okay relatively soon, and we just go along with it. I'm honest with my close friends and family. some days I'll say I'm fine today, but yesterday or the day before I was weepy, or I'll say I'm not good today. In order for us to receive support, we have to be honest about our feelings. For acquaintances or people that I know just haven't been helpful, I'll just reply that I'm doing okay.
     
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  20. Cyanotype

    Cyanotype Well-Known Member

    Yes. You have had to experience loss to really understand
     
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