Joseph and I shared a home for 21 years. Although he had survived his first bout with cancer, it reoccurred. He was in the hospital 3 times in Nov. - Johns Hoplins sent him home and he was gone in 3 short days. It is killing me. I do not know where to go from here. I don't know if I even want to.
When my better half, Janet, lost her battle with cancer 18 months ago, I remember sorting through the exact series of feelings that you describe here. That huge gaping hole in your soul will not go away. All you can do is endure and try to find something to occupy your mind. If you can do that, you will start to heal. I talk to my beloved every day, just like she was here with me (which she is). Thanks to my Hospice grief counselor, I stumbled onto something to help occupy my mind, and it really helps. (Music) The void is still there, but not as intense. I have learned that I will never fully recover from this loss, but I have been able to live with the pain. I will talk with Janet tonight before I go to bed (as is my practice) and will tell her about my day. My heart weeps with you for your loss, and I pray that you can find an outlet for your grief. Please, stay in contact with this site. These people care. Bill
SHARE (A Song for Janet) Bill Lathrop (2021) I am well-aware, that I have the chance to share all it is that you mean to me…and, although I prayed for more while standing with you at deaths door…God has His divine reasons for us to soar, and I am accepting that we have much more work in store, so let us review what I am praying for… you know, eternity is never ending and to reach that point sublime….by speeding up this process would be a crime. So, let’s just reflect and share, until we become more aware of the divine direction that, I find in my soul, is there. For now, our path is to embrace the future and gratefully share with others, and all my sisters and brothers, who we meet in daily prayer…and, this I know, that hope is there…All we’ve got to do is reach out to others, who do care…Together, we can all conquer the pain, and with our combined faith can remove the stain, if we just raise our voices to Heaven and overpower disdain and realize Love is not hidden, but is everywhere, and if we believe, God will graciously answer our prayer. So, why not reach out to others who are waiting to share, and, with God’s help and benevolence, we can be fully aware… For… sometime in the future I will hold my Janet in my arms, where she will manifest her many charms and we will form a warm cocoon where we just are blessed to fit, and I can gently kiss her soft and pliable lips. I now pray for God’s blessing with opened eyes, hoping to help me to realize, the truth that’s there, for us to accept God’s wishes, and selflessly find comfort and….Share.
It's so hard isn't it. My hubby of 30 years died of cancer in November. I've been out I've done the garden and chores etc and just feel like crap. Life just feels so emptyxxx
It’s so hard all the sudden being alone. I’m so sorry for your loss. My husband passed from a sudden and massive heart attack. He was never sick other then a common cold or stomach virus. The loneliness is overwhelming and scary. I’ve never lived alone, we were together 44 years. It’s a total shock to your system. Your loss is very resent, your brain is probably still in a fog, not sleeping, eating I’m guessing is difficult. Sadly that’s all very normal. This is your life partner, your mind doesn’t want to accept what you’re going though. One day at a time, the gardening, the chores, anything helps keep your mind active. Because doing nothing feels even worse. Nothing prepares us for this pain and we all deal in our own way. But staying active and getting fresh air is very helpful. Last week I lost my aunt, she was like a second Mom to me. The loss made all the agony come rushing in 10 fold. Because of covid I couldn’t go to her services. Everything is wrong. Lack of purpose and the emptiness you’re feeling, you’re not alone, everyone on this site understands and we help each other. Visit often and read and share stories. Talk about your husband with others and hopefully they share memories with you.
I understand the not knowing. Losing my wife 3 months ago myself, and it makes me feel so empty. I have a Hospice grieve counselor and I am trying to keep working, but I don’t have much motivation. Took a week off last week to try to get my “head straight” - helped a little. Now back at home. We were married almost 19 years and bought the house right after we were married. I don’t have many answers for your grief and I am sorry for your loss. Try to stay strong and do things you enjoy if you can. I take walks myself. Something that was very difficult to do as my wife’s Alzheimer’s got worse. Nature is a good thing I think.
I agree nature is a good thing. It’s what has helped me the most. Getting fresh air and getting our blood flowing. I’m so sorry for the loss of you wife. I’m sorry to say this is a long bumpy road, but nature has been very healing for me. Sometimes the motivation to get outside is lacking but once in the fresh air I do feel it helps. I’m in NY and just got slammed with a snow storm, so I’ll be inside. I need the spring. One day at a time.
LadyJane ty for your kind words. I feel for you deep in my soul. It helps to know that other people understand. Friends and relatives mean well, but they can say some terrible things at times! God Bless! - Karen
It does help knowing that we’re not alone and others understand. It’s comforting and we desolately need comfort. You’re so right that family and friends don’t understand. And they do say such hurtful things. I don’t think they mean to cause more pain but they do. This is a life we don’t want. We want our wonderful old life back. But that’s not possible. We certainly aren’t up to more pain. Robin
My friend once said the same thing about others not understanding and saying some terrible things, and then she said, "But I am glad they don't understand. In order to understand they would have to go through the same thing I am going through and I don't want them to do that." It helped me when I faced my tragedy to realize why they say some of the things they do.
It may end up being a poem and not a song. Too wordy. SHARE (A Song for Janet) Bill Lathrop (2021) I am well-aware, that I have the obligation to share all it is that you mean to me…and… although I prayed for more while standing with you at deaths door…God has His divine reasons for us to soar, and I am accepting that we have much more work in store, so let us review exactly what I am praying for… You know, eternity is never-ending and for us to spend time reaching that point sublime by speeding up this process, would be a crime. So, let’s just reflect, evaluate, and share, until we become more aware of the divine direction that I find, in my soul, is there. It’s clear to me that you are still more than present in my life and are challenging me to tempt fate by using words like elucidate to address my learning curve, and for-which to accept my education that I confess, is still a work in progress. You are leaving me with important life lessons that are far more than happenstance as they may seem, when noticed at first glance. For now, our path is to embrace the future and gratefully share with others, and all my sisters and brothers, who we meet in daily prayer…and, this much I know, that hope is there…All we’ve got to do is reach out to others, who DO care…Together, we can conquer the pain, and with our combined faith, can remove death’s stain, if we just raise our voices to Heaven and overpower any disdain. And, if we realize Love is not hidden but is everywhere, and we believe that God will graciously answer our prayer. Why then, would we not reach out to others who are waiting to share, and, with God’s help and benevolence, we can be fully aware. For… sometime in the future, I will hold Janet in my arms, where she will manifest her many charms, and we will form a warm cocoon where we are God-blessed to fit, and I can gently kiss her soft and pliable lips. But for now, I pray for God’s blessing with opened eyes, hoping to help me realize, the truth that’s there, and selflessly find comfort, be aware… and…Simply Share. Online Recording Studio - Collaborate with World-Class Musicians (studiopros.com)
Lost mine too in Nov 2020 to cancer and I walk in your painful footsteps . It’s the worst empty feelings anyone can endure but here we can hold each other up
My husband passed away from lung cancer 3 months ago. Next week would’ve been our 25th wedding anniversary. I’m still in disbelief that he is gone. I just can’t understand how last Feb he was here and this Feb he is gone. I just signed up for this site so not sure how it works.
I lost my husband of 32 years right in front of my eyes last June 26th. I have been alone in our home (mostly due to Covid) and I hate it. He died on a Friday night, now I can’t bear Friday nights. Missing the holidays, both of our birthdays, our wedding anniversary - I never in my life thought for one minute I would be spending these alone. I try to keep busy, but most of the time I don’t feel like it. I don’t want him to be gone, I miss him so much, I still cry every day and I too talk to him every day as if he were here.
I truly am sorry for the loss of your husbands Arleenmc,Becklin4,andKelltess for what you will find is that all who are on this site share in the heartache of your loss and the pain and suffering that goes with it. It's a heart that you never thought could be so broken, it's the tears that you didn't know you had so many it's the love of your life that you thought you would never be without but here we are. This will be the most difficult journey and you will have days where you feel like you can't make it another 86,400 seconds and you will find a way to survive that day.Your emotions will be what they will just let them out ,I had to put a punching bag in my basement so when the anger came out I could wail on that bag I figured it would be better than breaking my toe.I lost my wife of 36 years age 59 to esophagus cancer a year ago Feb 2nd ,so I have done all the firsts and it proved to be hard ,one of the most hardest was flying to Colorado Springs the first time to visit our daughter and our 3 grandkids without Mamaw , I stood of to the side to shed tears that made me the last one to make it to the area where everyone waits for their love ones .I will tell you this I believe we will never be the same we just learn to live with it ,it always I pray will not be this hard that are hearts will not always be this battered that there is healing thru the hell we are walking thru.I believe our spouses would want us to to fight, to be warriors ,be strong and very courageous this is my trademark that I tell all for I told this to my wife during her fight now it's our turn,be good to yourselves.May God give you peace.
I appreciate your honesty. Sometimes just sharing our feelings, allows God a chance to speak to our hearts and send an answer and comfort without anyone else saying a word. Love to you, Chris
