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Where are you from?

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by griefic, Jul 25, 2017.

  1. SallyD

    SallyD Member

    Thank you for writing this. I lost my brother, my last close relative, on March 31,2020 We thought he'd be coming home, too--it looked like he was going to get
    the liver transplant he needed, after having a hard time getting him on the transplant list. He had one shot at it--they cancelled the surgery at the last minute, saying "this liver isn't a good fit." But don't worry, another will come along, soon. It didn't. The Covid-19 virus made donor organs scarce in the next days, and my brother was only OK enough to be on the transplant list for about another week. We couldn't see him past March 17th...he was still on the list, and we were so hopeful the last time me and his girlfriend saw him. He also first got really bad sick in August, 2015. He had to go in the hospital more than once, and he also
    always came home. I didn't think this would be any different, either. Like you said, his being in a "better place" meant coming to back our home, not to Heaven--well, at least those were my plans. People tell me God saw things differently, and took Jordan to His home, instead.

    I really, really wanted to help Jordan recover from that transplant surgery. Jordan looked out for me over the years because of my health problems (bad thyroid trouble that doesn't respond well to the medicines), but I knew I could help him recover, with his girlfriend's help. We didn't get that chance. It is really hard without him, because I don't have enough support. Jordan's girlfriend is not supportive with me like Jordan and our mom was--I'm in the Grief Share group online and on here, and talking to a counselor here and there....but it's not the same as having your "best person" around. It helped me a little to read what you wrote. Thanks.
     
  2. Ranvaering

    Ranvaering Member

    I live in eastern Washington.
     
  3. Shannon Lee

    Shannon Lee Member

    I am outside of Walsenburg Colorado
     
  4. Nectar99

    Nectar99 Member

  5. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    It would be nice if our location was posted under our name on the avatar.
     
    Faith Forever likes this.
  6. Laureleyes

    Laureleyes Member

    I am in Laurel, NY.
     
  7. Faith Forever

    Faith Forever New Member

    I live in Vermont.
     
  8. Robin Ricca

    Robin Ricca New Member

    I live in the St. Louis metro area.
     
  9. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Robin,

    I guess welcome considering the circumstances. You have a few significant losses. A close friend and several have been supporting, in my process. Sorry for your loss. My hope is this site of help.

    Paul M.
     
  10. KristenBeth

    KristenBeth New Member

    I just moved to PA from Northern VA
     
  11. Gabi

    Gabi Member

    I live in Tucson, AZ. Having a kind of rough time lately, floundering a bit...
     
  12. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Hi Gabi. Yes, floundering we all know and do. I know a gal in Tuson. A couple of people in NM. One of those is from here. A grief site pen pal.

    Chat if you feel like it. Welcome anyway.

    Be well..

    Paul M.
     
  13. Gabi

    Gabi Member

    Hi
    Thanks for saying hi.
    It gets lonely and it’s rough...I don’t know what to do with myself in these times of floundering. And then I will get busy again. But it’s disconcerting when I fall into it and feel hopeless.
    I heard this morning that the new administration is considering starting a national office of bereavement.
    That was interesting to me... that there would be national acknowledgment of the importance of grief and grieving...
     
  14. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Gabi,

    I heard that as well. The same person who oversaw 911, Aurora, Colorado, and some other national trgadies. He used the word A-political for those times and events. I am having a not much day. Hope it moves on and some energy comes back. Usually, something comes along. The big empty is hard to take at times.
     
  15. Gabi

    Gabi Member

    I like your phrase “ the big empty”—it hits the spot!
     
  16. Kay Bob

    Kay Bob Member

    Empty is what we all are who’ve had such a loss. It’s an empty chair, it’s an empty plate, it’s an empty bed, it’s an empty life without our loved one!
     
    Gabi likes this.
  17. Gabi

    Gabi Member

    Amen!! So the challenge I’ve been tripping over in light of that, is the temptation to fill the emptiness with actions and activities that may not be so beneficial in the long run, just to dull the desperation or fill the hole or just not be so caught up in my mind.
    My mind sometimes is not a pleasant place to dwell...
     
    ainie likes this.
  18. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Yes Gabi. my mind is not a good place either so I have kept myself very very busy. I have sorted, sold, cleaned, cleared, and given away. I have mowed, built, torn down and generally improved the property here. This has been good for me...a sense of accomplishment, learning, and competence. But I've hit a bump in the road with my health and am now forced to sit quietly with my mind. Not a good experience....I miss Mike more now than at first, I am starting to look at all I have done and say "so what?'. I am afraid of winter coming and the isolation that the corona virus is imposing. I have never drank in my life but last evening, in desperation, I had 2 shots of whiskey from a bottle at least 4 years old (Mike would have bought it before his massive surgery that left him unable to eat or drink). I did fall asleep promptly but am not happy with myself this morning. I am not an anti-drink person but feel in should be used to celebrate or enjoy, not as an escape. Sorry this got long and probably under the wrong topic heading.
     
  19. Gabi

    Gabi Member

    Yes
    The isolation is hard.
    Keeping busy helps.
    I am still working so that is helpful and I am grateful about that.

    I was told by a fellow widower that what has helped her when she is in the pits of despair is to think of one little thing that she’s grateful for.
    I’ve been toying with that idea. I like it.

    And totally unrelated to that, I was sent a gift today, a gratitude journal, from an old friend. So I guess the universe is giving me some guidance about how to focus and what direction to look...?!

    At least for a tool to help in these dark waters and lonely days....
     
  20. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Hi, ainie,

    I have not talked with you in a while. How is the drumming going? The great White North would be challenging. I think the same. Keeeping busy and projects take us so far. The personal belongings issue is mostly done but not all. Intrests come and go but COVID did put a huge wrnch in all our lives. Some new friends made. Some new old friends revisited. FB was Good for that. Being alone is better but not like 24/7. The election took up some time. Glad that is mostly done. Turn the page there. Some volunteer work but also a victim of COVID.

    Hope yo are well. I recall the traject event and funeral you attended.

    Be well.

    Paul M.
     
    ainie likes this.