Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by griefic, Jul 25, 2017.
You are right. Everyday is precious. So glad my hubby and I did a great deal of travelling in our small motorhome before we retired. He took deferred salary and I did travel nurse assignments so it was financially possible. Missing being south this winter but hoping next winter I will travel again. I don't think I can do the mechanical upkeep on our motorhome but if I am able to sell it for a newer one maybe.
I too am happy we did some traveling before Cathi was diagnosed, we couldn't always afford it but made it a priority, I have absolutely zero regrets we spent that time and money to have those memories is priceless !! Good for you that you have your sights set on going south next year, we need to get through this grief day by day but I also believe having an eye to the future helps too !! Dan
Mike was very sick for the last 15 months of his life and we had lots of travel memories to talk about. He was such a good guy, every night he would say "Thank you for getting me through another day" when he kissed me good night. He also had a favourite line from a bible verse that became his motto during those months "Life has changed, not ended". He had me put that on his gravestone so that I would be reminded every time I visited. He made me promise to adopt that as my motto when he was gone. So am trying to live by that. I miss him so much but his love is still with me and encourages me...life has changed, not ended.
Love the story !! Keep his love close.
That is a beautiful verse, thank you for sharing it, ainie. It's something that we all need to be reminded off. Our loved ones wanted happiness for us. My husband too was ill for an extended time, we did some road trips early on then life got busy, we were planning on getting back to it once his business was finally wrapped up. We were in process. We were supposed to go on a cruise a couple of years ago but he was concerned about his health, I wish I had pressed a little more. Maybe not a cruise but a getaway. Cherish your memories.
Hugs. I have had a lot of well-meaning but unaware people say to me "At least he is no longer suffering" or "It wasn't unexpected, was it?" These statements hurt....but they don't know the months of anxiety, sadness, work, and worry that goes along with watching your vibrant, intelligent, strong, healthy partner slowly disappear. How for months, maybe years, you had no control over life. Appointments, tests, treatments, false hope, seem to eat up your days and you are left exhausted and wishing so much for more time.
ainie, I kept having to bite my tongue many times at the wake, I kept telling myself they're well meaning, but just don't know what to say to mean well. I did reply to one person when they said "better place" I said, for me the better place is being able to be home with me taking care of him. They also thought it was expected since he first became ill the summer of 2015. Even through the repeat hospitalizations he always bounced back, came home. Neither one of us thought that this would be any different. I was planning on selecting a place for the rehab that he would be needing, PT was there the day before and had him sitting at the side of the bed.
I think people expect us to walk away and close it off as the last chapter of a book. They don't know that doesn't happen, we left with trying to navigate living without our loved one being physically in our lives, but very present in our hearts and minds. The book isn't finished, and far from closed, we carry them.
Exactly!!! He got better and came home every time. We had no reason to ever think that the last admission was the last. The day before Mike died I had him up in the shower chair and down the hall for a shower. Not until the last morning did we think of him leaving. He wrote the doc a note "I just realized I'm not going home again". And hours later was gone.
The Better Place is definitely at home with us!
Oh my, regarding the note, so sorry. My husband started taking a turn the day after the had him sitting up, he developed some sort of bleed and the wanted to do an endoscopy. I authorized it, but they wouldn't do it that night, I wanted them to. They said it's better to do procedures during the day, that morning they gave him four units of blood. They said the sedation would put his heart more at risk, I don't know, I felt he was already at risk. His BP fell so low that the prognosis became terrible, organs were failing, then they also questioned brain function. I will always wonder if they did the endo and caught the bleed maybe his BP wouldn't have been so low. His BP was a constant battle each visit, but we never had to deal with a bleed like this. He never made it to morning, at 2a.m., he was gone.
Nope, like me, you were planning on his coming home. I had washed the blankets that he liked to use on the couch, our dog would love to share those with him, he'd joke, smells like dog, please wash these. So I told him, I had everything set. Those blankets still sit clean and folded.
Home with is is right, why rush to get to heaven, that's eternity.
Hi all! I'm from Tucson, Arizona.
Unlike all of you I knew he was dying. He died at home with just me and his three adult kids. At the end he looked so bad I was glad he was able to let go. Still I feel guilty that I could have made things more comfortable for him at the end.
My husband was sick for 8 years. He had Alz for 8 years and he also had Parkinson and Lewy Body sydrome. The last 2 years, he was in a nursing home. I thought that when he finally passed, it would be better because he really didn't know who I was and couldn't take care of himself. But I am finding, that I wish I had more time with him. I miss my life as it was, even if he was sick. I hate being alone.
I'm from Illinois
Yeah it sucks. There is a finality about death, no matter how bad it was before hand. It just feels so unreal.
I understand this.
its the scariest part being alone I think.
I live in the PNW
I live near San Francisco.
I am from Northern California near San Francisco. Wow what a diverse group.