What would help?

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by griefic, Oct 13, 2017.

  1. Julien

    Julien Well-Known Member

    To Barb G, I wanted to say that I know of another lady besides me that probably feel similar to you. As for me, I have to trust God for mercy keeping myself and dog fed, etc. At a year missing my Ted. I also have properties and that part is little bit of joy even with the sting that Ted couldn't enjoy it. I'm going to pray for you Barb that your purpose need is also met!
     
  2. bettymay

    bettymay New Member

    That sounds like a good idea. The "aloneness" is hard to bear.
     
    griefic likes this.
  3. bettymay

    bettymay New Member

    I would like to find ways that others are making it better.
     
    griefic likes this.
  4. Walter Williams

    Walter Williams New Member

    I am at a complete loss at this point I do not know what will help. I hope to find some comfort here.
     
    griefic likes this.
  5. TLD

    TLD Active Member

    I think just regular group chats would be a huge help. Not necessarily video chats. Just to know you are not alone.
     
    Esmirelda and griefic like this.
  6. Esmirelda

    Esmirelda New Member

    Me too.
     
  7. Kiers

    Kiers Member

     
  8. ainie

    ainie Well-Known Member

    Hi Sheila. My pastor gave me some advice on purpose, on how to go on, he said to think of what my husband's best qualities were, what I loved best about him, then I should try to emulate those things. Mike was kind, always willing to help others, and social. So I try to do those things...being helpful to others, accepting social invitations, trying to be kind. It has gotten me involved and is a distraction and makes the days go by a bit easier.
     
  9. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    ainie

    I think your pastor's advice is good advice. The qualities you listed about Mike are qualities that we loved and they are qualities most people should pay attention to. We likely have those qualities but are partners are exceptionally good at them So they end up informing our lives how best to live a life, Thay in a sense are teachers or role models. I wrote a letter to Kays sibling that outlined exactly what you saying, In that letter, I said we may not do these things as well or do them in our own way. We did experience those qualities and know from first-hand observation the value of those qualities. The world was a better place for their being here. We can continue their way of being. Carry on the tradition and put those qualities into the lives around us. In a sense, they continue to influence ourselves and others for the better.

    Good point and I am glad you mentioned this point of view.
     
    ainie likes this.
  10. Linda52

    Linda52 New Member

     
  11. Linda52

    Linda52 New Member

    I m hoping to just possibly chat with people going through a loss. I lost my husband of 45 years on 1/24/2020. I m still so lost and heartbroken.
     
  12. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Linda53 lost and heartbroken are what we are. We are similar in age and length of time married. I am 15 months in this and somewhat better. The first few months were just shock and immense pain. All I could think about nonstop was the relationship. All the qualities and really an inventory of how much is now missing and the love and admiration for our person that was our whole life. Because our relationship held so much well being for us. I very much get the overwhelming sadness and how much was in that relationship. That is the process of grief people talk about. That has so many thoughts happening at the same time. Very overloaded but I think just unavoidable. For some the witness to our partner's pain in the case of illness very difficult to witness. I very much appreciate this is a long time process. Any thinking person will spend time valuing a tremendous person in out lives. There is no time frame for that. In the empty and when we are a bit more open. The smallest things start to fill our life. Those are accidents of circumstances.

    We just honor them. I think no short cut on that. The pivot to a new life seems the same things will happen. Hardly noticeable. Some times just necessity forces us back into the life we have to rebuild. Only when there is space for that.

    Linda to be here at all says your husband is a terrific person. I am sorry for your loss.
     
  13. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Linda52, thank you for joining us - chatting with people who can understand is exactly why this website was created. We have a lot of different ways to do that and you can learn more in our "Getting Started" tab which gives you details about all the site has to offer. In addition to this we have a LIVE chat feature that is new and has a lot of participation and opportunity for immediate connection. I'm glad you've found us and truly hope we can be a help to you~
     
  14. lolosundevil

    lolosundevil Member

    Hi. I would appreciate video group chats so much. Thank you for asking.
     
    griefic likes this.
  15. Nanatigger

    Nanatigger Member

    Linda, I lost my husband on January 31 this year. We had been married for over 44 years. I met him when I was 16 and married him on my 18th birthday. I hardly know what life is like without him. He was my best friend. We did everything together. What little routine I had carved out for myself (going to the gym, meeting friends for coffee) is now also lost due to the Covid 19 virus. Like you I am incredibly heartbroken and lost. The pain is physical and hard to describe. This site is helpful in chatting with people in similar circumstances. I hope you are able to find some support here. Julie
     
  16. Danny2444

    Danny2444 New Member

    Hi new guy on the block hear. Lost wife 6 months ago. I would be interested in others interests. I know it is hard to stay focused in things we have maybe enjoyed doing before. But I think its important to keep your interests alive. Think others here would be interested, supportive and encouraging. DANNY
     
  17. 427RCode

    427RCode Member

    Hi, I lost my husband 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I am reading on this site and is helping me. We were just mapping my retirement plan as he was already retired, he would be 60 this June, so sad, I understand, now our futures are forever changed as we have lost part of ourselves nit just them,
     
  18. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Danny2444,

    Welcome to the site. From your picture, you are a runner. From one of my grief books that was recommended highly as a coping activity. The retirement plans that now are not are also similar. I do walking in various city parks. Just nature, endorphins, and occasional conversations with people I meet. The very long illness Kay had with cancer left so much unattended. Lots of deferred house, car, and my own health issues. Finding the balance between solitude and the companionship the marriage was. That would be friends that were always there. Just prior to 19 I had found a rec center with about a dozen classes to take. My time now is focused on 19. Not to over to it but enough to make personal informed decisions. Deal with loneliness. Try to clear the infamous," grief fog". Make goals that fit my capacity.

    We are all struggling to adjust. Just not all by our selves.
     
  19. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Same for me - my grief is so overwhelming and new right now, that I need to connect with others, share my story and get insight and support through the pain.
     
  20. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    Hello, I lost my husband on July 17. We were in the same planning stages for retirement when he became ill and passed. He worked everyday, never missed work, and we were so looking forward to our time together. It was not to be as God has other plans for us. He was 59.