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What to do

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Countrygirl63, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. Countrygirl63

    Countrygirl63 Member

    Here I am on New Years Eve sitting by myself because I cannot be around anyone. I thought I was doing ok but now I know I'm barely hanging on. I don't know what to do. My husband spent alot of money into our home and now I just want to leave. I want to run as far as I can but right after his death ,I didn't want to leave. I've always heard not to make big decisions after someone dies but I'm being pulled in all directions, is this a normal reaction?
     
    Saintgrl74 likes this.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    I think this is probably quite normal - and I agree it is not a good idea to make any big decisions. The weight of the world seems to be on us which makes it impossible to decide anything. If you can, take your time and just focus on one thing at a time. Start with something small and then move on to bigger things. If needed, ask for help.
     
    Countrygirl63 likes this.
  3. ksteve

    ksteve Active Member

    I definitely get this. We had made a decision to move and in fact had a closing date set. I remember the discussion we had about whether this was a good idea or not considering her cancer and my melanoma which came back after 12 years. We agreed that we need to move forward and if one of us died the other would just deal with it - either stay or sell the new house. Unfortunately, with her cancer returning, we backed out of the purchase. We had all the right reasons to move - neighborhood, repairs, two story, etc. We both agreed that town home living was out since we liked yard work and crap, we are not ready for the senior home yet! My first reaction after she passed was to move into a house albeit not as big as the one we purchased. I told everyone I was moving and the reasons we had for moving originally were still valid. Fast forward two months - I still want to move but I keep wanting to add another reason - memories with her in this house. I know, moving will not solve the grief and magically make me feel better. You need to remove the grief (if that's possible) and look at the practical side. Can you maintain the house, payments, proximity to work/family, family/friends help out,etc. I know they say not to make major financial decisions but you need to look at the practical side. If your comfortable and can maintain the house, maybe I would stick around at least for another year. For me, I see some major maintenance issues on the horizon and spring is clearly the time to sell a house so I'm leaning heavily towards selling for all the reasons we had before. Now my concern is new, used, or town home. So IF you can look at the practical side (sit down and make a list why you should or should not move and try to leave your grief out of the equation (i.e. I'm comfortable here, this was our house, my husband did so much work). I would do this even if you decide to stay for another year and compare the list next year or when you think about moving again. So yea, there is more to this then just avoiding major financial decisions. One more thing, you will get lots of opinions - talk to a realtor and they will have you packing. Talk to family and its what works for them. Talk to friends and it's what their situation dictates not yours.
    Good luck
     
    Countrygirl63 and LindaH like this.
  4. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I get it. Luckily we were just renting when my husband died so I played the widow card and had my sister in law work her magic to get me out of my lease and moved. There was an extra incentive for that, though, bc I also have an 8 year old son and I found an apartment literally down the street from his school, which is now invaluable as a single parent! His car is my current albatross. My car was hit and totaled as it was parked, literally the day after his funeral. So, I’m stuck driving his car, which I am not titled on. My son and I feel so strange in it. I’m so stressed driving it.
     
  5. Countrygirl63

    Countrygirl63 Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. I understand because I drive my boyfriends truck. That he was so proud of and I have to carry a box of Kleenex in it cos I Always cry! I have a son, 24. It's really hit him hard too. This was mine and my ex's home that me and my boyfriend pulled out of foreclosure. We made it ours, it's a small farm. He was great with it, especially living next door to him(my ex) and his family. We all got along great! My ex was an alcoholic, still is. We had the one son. This will be his home one day. There in lies my dilemma....I keep saying if I can make it till spring...So so hard. Prayers for you and your little boy..
     
  6. Tammy S

    Tammy S New Member

    My husband died 3 months ago and I have a nine year old son. I was left with his car also since my car is so old. I am having a hard time driving it since it reminds me of him. He died in my hallway and I am still living in the same place. I am having a hard time living there.
     
  7. Countrygirl63

    Countrygirl63 Member