what i can do for my boyfriend who suddenly lost his father.

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by Pandakk, Jun 4, 2020.

  1. Pandakk

    Pandakk Member

    Hello! i really some advices from someone who had or experienced similar like me. i am 28 and he is 31. one day his father got heart attack and passed away so sudden in last Dec 2019. at that time we have been together like 9 months and i moved back to my country in Feb 2020 (also we became friends aka broke up). basically we are in long distance right now. my boyfriend is not really tell me how his feels, or thoughts or open himself. i just knew he is sad and he wants his father back. we have been keep in touch each other like 2-3 times a week. even we are friends now but he still treats me like his girlfriend. he cares about me and he said i am special for him. recently, he told me i have to move on and i shouldn't waiting for him. he is sad now and he doesn't know how to be happy and he cannot bring happiness to me either. he doesnt want me to waste my time waiting for him. he has so much things have to figure it out and his self development and growth. he is not emotional available now. he cannot guarantee things will be the same when he is available. but for what i am thinking is, i just dont want to leave him when he is having a so difficult time right now. i love him and care him a lot! i want to do something for him. to let him feel he is not alone and loved. true love should go though all the good and bad times together...right? should i wait..... or what he told me is not really his true feeling....all is about his grieve?

    Thank you for your time.......and i am appreciated for all the comments.
  2. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    Losing a parent is very difficult and brings with it many emotions. Everyone deals with grief differently ...some people need to reach out and others cannot. All you can do is be there for him when he needs your support whether it be in person, telephone, mail, etc. and let him know that you care and are thinking of him.
  3. Rob67

    Rob67 Member

    Don't follow his suggestion that you "move on" and that you should not be waiting for him. Right now he is not emotionally capable of making such a declaration. He is literally numb to his emotions. What is driving him I suspect is that he desparately wants support, but he is unsure he can receive it in a way that would be right for you too. Keep being there for him, and reassure him that the both of you are moving at his pace, and that this is not a race.