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Want the pain to stop.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by skies24, Feb 24, 2020.

  1. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    Lost my best friend/roommate four weeks ago. 32. I miss her. It seems no one gets it. I walk my house and its just empty. We talked, messaged or hung out every minute of the day. I look at my phone expecting to get some crazy/funny message from her that should would send when I was at work only to realize, no more.
    Tomorrow is my birthday and all I can think about if only she was here. What we would be doing. I have people in my life but I feel so alone. Every time something happens I want to tell her. She was my go-to person. Maybe I'm just being selfish.
     
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    skies24, I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend and roommate. As I read your post I noticed you mentioned your birthday is tmw, how odd, so is mine. I was born Feb 25, 1949. So we are both Pisces, and I hope your tomorrow is a much better day for you.

    Losing someone who is close to each of us hits home in so many ways. It is sometimes shattering how one moment we can be talking and sharing talks, laughs, hugs and general good times and then one moment they are no longer there. I know it bothers you a lot, and that is just part of the cloud of grief you are now under.

    You remind me of something that happened to my sister Marcia years ago during her student teaching days. She lived in a house with 3 other girls, and she use to tell me about all the great stories and times they had together. This was in Maine btw, during the winter, one of her roommates, Martina Wilkerson was out driving home from her teaching job, hit a patch of ice, went off the road, and when I received the call from my sister crying, you just can't help feel utterly shattered.

    Life is so fragile, we are here one moment and it can so easily be taken away from us. Please take the time to heal inside. Take each day slowly, and hold onto those who you love and always keep in touch. Days may seem longer to you while you grieve but that is ok, it just means you are dwelling upon what has happened.

    For now take care of yourself and reach out to family, friends and post if you can and tell us anything you wish. Peace be with you and God Bless.

    david

    This song is especially for you

     
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  3. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    skies24....I don't think you're being selfish at all, I think you're grieving the loss of an important person in your life. I think what David just posted above is sage advice, time is the only thing that will help ease the pain I hope you can find some little thing tomorrow that makes you smile on your birthday. Dan
     
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  4. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    Keep talking to her. It helps me with my husband. I talk to him all the time. Special days are the worst I think such as birthdays, holidays. I was very happy to be traveling on Valentines Day so I didnt need to focus on it.
     
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  5. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    What happens when you go out and drink but are so angry. Always looking for answers. Feel like you are talking shit on her but looking for a reason to be mad at her so the pain stops. I love her but I’m so mad that I have all these feelings.
     
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  6. cathy jeanne

    cathy jeanne Well-Known Member

    Are you angry with your partner because she left you? It's a pretty common feeling. Do you exercise at all?
     
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  7. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    Just wish if I got mad at her then maybe the pain would stop. I went out tonight for drinks and drinking just makes me more sad.
    I haven’t since she passed away. I’m starting back my class next week. I don’t know if it will help cause every night after class I would talk to her about it. It just seems everything reminds me of her.
     
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  8. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    And yes I’m angry she left me. I miss her so much. I just wish I wouldn’t miss her.
     
  9. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    Happy birthday to you!

    skies24, this empty space you now can't understand how to fill, is that enormous cloud of grief rearing its' ugly head. It is scary.

    Think back to all the beautiful times you had together. Keep those memories close. Please understand this loss you now feel will be with you for a long time.

    I know as I experienced loss after loss in life, each may have been so different, but the one common thing I came to understand was how it so affected me. I would at night grab the photo album and slowly turn a page till a picture caught my eye and I would then think about it. My eyes might be full of tears, but for some reason I felt so warm inside.

    I have found that by remembering is slowly heals you inside. So please take your time and never be afraid to reach out, and also say whatever you wish, as we all realize your words are coming straight from your heart.

    david
     
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  10. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    Happy Birthday to you also. This just sucks. I can't wait for a day I don't cry. It seems everyone around me thinks I should be okay by now. I'm trying.
     
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  11. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member

    skies24, thank you for the bday wishes, and I hope your day today is in some way comforting. I want you realize those tears, are healing tears, so if you shed them, your soul is telling you to be not afraid, and feel comfort as you cry. One day in future you will realize life is easier to accept.

    You are at the age of my youngest son. Life is at a crossroad. You will make many choices forward. I will ask you don't be afraid of what tomorrow will bring. All I tell my sons when they are troubled with life, you have to trust in yourself.

    Peace be with you tonight and may your sleep be a good one tonight.

    david
     
  12. Planted

    Planted New Member

    Skies- I bet your friend taught you so much about how to live life and was an essential part of your daily life! I am sorry. I also lost my go-to person, and I completely understand the loneliness. I get relief from interacting with plants and animals, not so much other people, and it takes a particularly quirky person for me to match to. I am here because I recognize that plants and animals are not enough. I'm sending you my hope.
     
  13. Planted

    Planted New Member

    Don't drink, Skies. I've been there. It just amps up your feelings and you will feel worse. I know it is very tempting. It is OK to be mad. Really, it is OK to feel anything you are feeling.
     
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  14. skies24

    skies24 Well-Known Member

    She did. But I never told her how much she helped me and how much I really enjoyed her company. I loved it when she moved in with me. I always pretended I was this tough person who didn’t need anyone and now I need her more than ever!!! We met at my night job years ago. she quit this past summer but I’m still there. Tonight one of my friends who knows both of us was like.. I miss you. The happy you. You are so quiet and not yourself. And I just said I have a lot going on. And she was like text me sometime. But a couple weeks ago I texted her about how depressed I was and she ignored it and texted something totally off subject. Then when I got to work again nothing about the text that I reached out to her about. So how am I supposed to be myself 5 weeks after I lost my best friend. Live in a house she lived in with me and work at a place we worked together at. All these damn memories everywhere I go. It’s just seems impossible and no one in my life gets it.
     
  15. Bogman

    Bogman Well-Known Member

    Some people are not able to go down that path with you, they don't know what to say and are uncomfortable with the situation. Try and seek out people that are able to listen to your pain and understand what grieving is, I'm lucky and have some friends ( some are new friends ) and family that are empathetic to my pain and it has been so helpful. It's been a very short time since you lost your friend, allow yourself time to grieve and come to grips with her death, time will help !! You mentioned you never told her how much you enjoyed her company, I'm sure she knew and I'm sure she felt the same way, she wouldn't have moved in with you if she didn't. Dan
     
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  16. Planted

    Planted New Member

    I agree 100% with Bogman. I bet you meant to her what she meant to you, and I am sure she knew. In time, can you find a way to be to other people what she was to you? That seems like a fitting tribute, and a way to preserve the best parts of her. I am so sorry that you are deep in this grief. I am just sitting here crying for you, for me, and our lost friends.
     
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  17. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    I've experienced the same with a couple friends, they think you should be okay in a few weeks. I could almost sense one of my friend's eyes getting ready to roll. Some people don't get it. You're not being selfish, it's okay to be angry, what you're feeling is normal, and take all the time you need.
     
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