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Unexpected sudden loss

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by JLyAnnH25, Jun 29, 2020.

  1. JLyAnnH25

    JLyAnnH25 New Member

    I'm 25 and I lost my husband unexpectedly barely a month ago. We were together 2 years and he was my soulmate. He loved and treated my daughter as his own. We planned on continuing our family and growing it and were in the process of trying. He was out of town for work due to covid and me and my daughter spent the entire month of May almost with him. He drove back with us memorial day weekend and we dropped him off at the airport Tuesday morning. He passed in his sleep that night. I talked to him right before he went to bed on video chat and to this day doesnt seem real. He was not only our financial support but our love and emotional support. We saw each other every single day for 2 years and if he was away at all we spoke on the phone and video chatted. How can the life we built together and someone you have on a daily basis just disappear. Its not fair and I feel like i can't breath but I have to for my daughter. I just CANT BREATH!
  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad yall got a chance to spent that time together before he went back to work. You feel like you cant breathe because part of you is gone. Having your daughter is what will help you continue move cause you got to take care of her. I lost my fiancee a few months ago and nights is the hardest for me to get through. We became single parents in the worse way. We were the only ones that did for our so my support is gone. I often feel I'm mourning for myself and the kids cause they asked for him everyday. I pray that you have strength to get through this.
    JLyAnnH25 likes this.
  3. Selma

    Selma Member

    Hi @JLyAnnH25 I am so sorry for your loss, I am 20 and my boyfriend was 22 when he passed away from a heart attack, I was with when it all happened and even after 10 months from his death, I find it so hard to wake up and breath. My only reason for staying here are my parents, I know they couldn't bare for me to die. But life is super painful. I understand what you say because you are young too, even if I was not married. I am so sorry for what you are going through, I know you feel a lot of pressure because of your daughter but she needs you, but don't pressure yourself to get better, time will heal, you will never forget about him but you will learn to live with it.
  4. Selma

    Selma Member

    @Sweetcole The nights are the hardest for me to, nostalgia is so strong and so many memories come to my mind, so hurtful. The pain never ends. Seek help from friends, the real ones will be there in the hardest times.
  5. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Im sorry for your loss. The nights were our time after the kids went to sleep so yeah they are hard. They do make all kind of thoughts and memories come out. Hold on to them. Lean on your parents and pray for strength. My kids are my motivation. Its me them and the Lord. People say let me no if you need anything but if they want to help they'll come to you. This is a hard time. Everyday a challenge but I pray we all continue to have strength to get through it
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You are so right, the real friends will be with you through the hard times. And not just offer help but be there and actually help. I’ve lost many friends and some family after losing my husband to a sudden heart attack. We didn’t have a lot of friends because we mainly spent our time with each other. But most are gone now. What I appreciate the most is time, a phone call a genuine offer and genuine, how are you doing? I’m not asked how I’m doing very often, but if I am it makes me cry, because someone cares.
    It’s a rough journey we’re all on.
    M-J, Selma and LoreA87 like this.
  7. Ksolis

    Ksolis New Member

    A sudden loss at such a young age, it so hard to come to terms with. Especially when there were no warning signs. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend when he was 29 years old suddenly to acute liver failure, there are so many times when I have picked up the phone wishing for one more call, or one more late night text message. My daughter was 6 when my friend past and she was very close to him. Having her, close to me, and grieving with me was part of the only thing that kept me sane back then, we would write notes and send them off on a balloon or toss them in a camp fire to send the words to heaven. Being close to love ones and friends is a great thing to do, although hard with the state of the world. Breathing easy takes time, but never forget to be kind to yourself while you learn how to.
  8. Selma

    Selma Member

    Thank you all for your comments. I have found a lot of support in this forum and being young has been difficult to find people who understand my situation.
    Sweetcole likes this.
  9. M-J

    M-J Member

    I lost my partner 2 and a half weeks ago. He was only 37, we still dont habe a cause of desth and we might never get the answers we need. I know exactly what you mean when you say you cant breathe. My thouhts are with you x
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    MJ I am so sorry for your loss. My loss was sudden also. And life changes in a blink of an eye. It does for all of us no matter how the loss happened. It’s debilitating. Everything becomes a chore, including breathing. Everyone here understands the pain and torture you’re feeling. I’m glad you have people in your life offering support. Any offers you get take them up on it. I’ve learned the hard way that most people don’t ask again. Even if they come and sit and have coffee with you, that’s a huge help. Just not being alone for a while helps.
    Your loss is so resent, be sure to take care of yourself, and don’t push to do things. Most things can wait. Come to this site often and read and share stories, it’s very helpful. This site has helped me more then I ever expected.
    Sending you hugs! Robin
  11. M-J

    M-J Member

    Thank you for you kind words. The funeral was just on tuesday so yesterday was impossible. Reading peoples stories on here has actually brought me a little comfort in that Im not the only one who is feeling this way.
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes, knowing you’re not alone in how you feel does help so much. I know the first response I got after my first didn’t come for a couple weeks and I was starting to think the site is no help at all. Then when I got a response, I cried a river, everything written in that response was spot on and comforting. I realized I’m not alone, these feelings happen to us all. People who haven’t had such a loss don’t understand the amount of pain that happens. No one could understand unless they’ve been through it.
    I’m sure yesterday was very hard for you and things will stay hard for a while loneliness, is a big part of the grieving, try to get outside each day and breathe in some fresh air, it does help. Try to eat and I know that sleep doesn’t come easy Don’t hold back on the tears, let them happen and talk of and about your partner often. Talking helps, that’s why this site helps.
  13. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your loss. Part of you is gone so it's hard to do anything right now. Sending good vibes your way that you take care of yourself best you can and that you get stronger through this process.
  14. Helen1023

    Helen1023 New Member

    I understand the feeling of not being able to breath very well. I lost my husband of forty years to the Covid virus in April. He was admitted to the hospital and in just for days he passed away. I try to keep busy during the day but in the evening I feel his absence and that’s when I feel I can’t breath.
  15. Coach

    Coach New Member

    My wife and I were married 50 years last July. This June, we were sitting on the sofa. I was talking to her. She slumped over and was gone. I thought she had fallen asleep. She died of a brain aneurysm. Gone in about 10 seconds. I can breathe, but there are all these thoughts in my head, bouncing around and I don’t know what to do with them. I feel lost. My brain has never felt like this before. I miss her so much.
  16. ElizabethHouston

    ElizabethHouston New Member

    Coach, I can understand some of what you are going through. My Dad died of the same thing in 2005, although he lived for another week due to his physical good health but was in a coma for most of that time. 4 yrs ago (2016) my husband of 37 yrs was killed & a few weeks later my dear mother was suddenly diagnosed with AML. I alternated, with my estranged sister, living with our mother every other month in another state for 2 1/2 yrs. She died in 2018. Most of the time she & my husband seem like it all happened just a few months ago. I found it took me 6 weeks to cry after my husband died. I was too busy taking care of everything and everyone else until then. My precious adult son pretty much let his grief pour out the first day, which in hind sight, was probably best.
    During all this I found several things we so often hear to be true. One, everyone's grief is as unique to them as their own fingerprints...we all have them yet they are all different. Two, don't make any major decisions or life changes for at least a year. This one I found to be of utmost importance. When we think we are thinking & doing things rationally, chances are we're not. It's a bit crazy, I know.
    This is the 1st group I have ever joined & the 1st response I have ever given. I don't know if it's provided you with anything useful. I do pray that you are able to get through each day one by one with the support of God, family & friends. Bless you.
    HW2927 likes this.
  17. Barry

    Barry Well-Known Member

    My wife of 25 years died from a brain aneurysm suddenly also. 10 months ago. I know how you feel. The loneliness, depression, scared of the life ahead of you, shock. Thank God for shock! Concentrate on yourself right now. Eat right and sleep well if you can. Grieving is so hard on your health. There's no magic answers to this but the a farther away from that day you get, the better off you will be. One day at a time is all you need to concentrate on right now. Peace.
    glego and Cyanotype like this.