My mom passed about 4 and a half years ago. We had a difficult relationship in those last 4 and a half years she was alive. We used to be very close but circumstances changed that situation. We stopped talking and I never had a chance to make amends. Since she passed I don't feel I have the right to enjoy life. I feel I deserve to be punished. Is there anyone else out there with a similar situation?
The relationship between a mother and daughter is a special bond that stands the test of time, distance, differences and conflict. A difficult relationship does not mean that there wasn't love present. You are a piece of her that will live on as long as you are here on earth. That closeness you felt the years prior to your conflict will never be forgotten. Your love for each other was never broken despite the negative feelings you may have felt. Unconditional love is affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. I'm sure you never stopped loving your mother despite not communicating with her and she felt the same. It must be so hard to have lost her without solving the issue that was at hand BUT you can always talk to her now and resolve what's in your heart. I know the physical separation is devastating; longing for that hug but I do believe she is listening and would without a doubt want you do enjoy your life. You are and will always be her child. She loved you even before you were born. We all have conflicts at some point or another and punishing yourself would mean that you should have been a perfect daughter. NO ONE IS PERFECT. I am not perfect and no one in this forum is perfect. Everyday you have here on earth is a gift. Punishing yourself will damage the person you are meant to be. You are betraying yourself and robbing yourself of a good life which a mother always wants for her child. Reaching out right now to connect with people will help you see that. I would love to hear some enlightening stories of you and your mom that prove your love for each other which always wins.
I feel this so deeply right now. I cannot enjoy life at all. My dad was my best friend until about 5 years ago and our communication got less and less. I feel incredibly guilty. Not sure he knew that I loved him. I hate myself and I’m not sure I can ever feel while again.
