Ugh!!! Thought I was going to enjoy and be strong this weekend.

Started well enough and normal weekend and Saturday was busy and fufilling. I'm taking 2 weeks off work to re-aline and watch my universe heal itself, this had to happen I was trying to bury my problems through work and it caused me to total 2 cars in a week. I must learn balance and God is it hard coming from such messed up family of workaholics and addicts it hard for me to learn.But Im learning...I was just laying in bed Saturday Night, worked 14hour day supposed to be relaxing not working but things gotta progress. I was tired, burned out. Then it hit me I snapped, Amiee should be here relaxing with me, not crying my eyes out. I told her Aimee, your supposed to be here my angel, I don't want to do this on my own. You made me so happy, Im trying to dive back into my hobbies & art, but it is so hard when Life takes away an artist muse and she was my beautiful muse, she was is my driving force.
I screamed out loud, All these tears ,I want back when I die! I want them collected, I know there for you and I'll hand them right back but if im going to spend my time crying them I want to see Love. I know this all sounds silly and insane but hey whatever to get me through today. I laid in bed just talking to her, crying, laughing feeling like I'm going crazy. Thank God about after an hour I passed-out just being emotionally drained, physically wiped. Didn't sleep the night before. Well it is great to see my Life heal & repair itself in the time Aloted and I thank God for that not everyone can just take off when they need too and have a car ready to start work, when I go back. I'm so glad I found something, I enjoy and Love,I'm my own boss and work when I want and my work ethic are strong.Its It is cool to see, I truly enjoy something after a 15 year break of none. I was looking for work when Aimee was around, I did enough to support myself but it wasn't enough to get her out and marry me, but this is. I wish she could of seen me work hard even though she saw me work all the time. I honestly can reflect and tell myself I'm glad I wasn't working during my time with Aimee, so we spent a lot of quality time together. Which I can cherish and treasure, when I'm stressed out. RIP Aimee, My Angel you went to soon. I love you, I miss you.
-Jonathan Staufenbiel A man of many Experiences...

 

Doesn't sound silly or insane. Like you said, whatever gets you through.