Two months later and no one wants to hear about my sadness and grief anymore

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Heartbroken Honey Bunny, Nov 22, 2019.

  1. I lost my significant other after a sudden, massive stroke on September 9, 2019. I had so much support right after but once it hit 2 months, those who were so supportive suddenly recoil when I mention his name or the excruciating sadness I’m still experiencing. How can people who showed such kindness and support simply turn it off? I need to talk about him and talk through my grief but I feel so alone.
     
    Newenglander likes this.
  2. Whatsnext

    Whatsnext Member

    So sorry for your loss, I hear you. It has been 38 days since my wife left me. Sometimes it feels like I have some sort of infectious disease the way people avoid me. Sure I get the occasional "How are you doing" I have learned to give my rehearsed answer of "I am okay". Most don't want to hear about how I actually feel, about the hole in my heart that hasn't gone away, or about the nights I wake up from the loneliness that is so loud, because I miss her so much.
    I have started to go to a local Grief Counseling Group which helps some, they listen and share what they have learned. At the very least I know and I want to let you know you are not alone.
     
    Brendameister and Newenglander like this.
  3. Thank you so much. I am very sorry for your loss, as well. In the first month my closest friends/family were more than willing to listen to me talk and then all of a sudden I get strange silence when I mention my boyfriend or speak of my continued grief. It went from ‘call me anytime, day or night” to changing the subject when I mention him or my grief. It adds to my sadness. Thank you for your understanding.
     
  4. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss. Sometimes family/friends do not know how to deal with your grief so they try to avoid the subject. I don't think they are unkind ..they just do not know what to say or do. That is why this forum helps a lot because others are dealing with the same things and you are not alone. Wishing you the best.
     
  5. LindaH

    LindaH Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss Heartbroken.
    We are here to support you.
    I lost my husband suddenly three years ago.
     
  6. Thank you, Linda
    I’m so sorry about your husband. I appreciate the support from those who know what this grief is like firsthand.
     
  7. Newenglander

    Newenglander Member

    I will talk about my husband until my last breath. He was so much a part of me that I cannot separate the me from we. People may feel uncomfortable but I cannot and will not stop. It is true that some people think life goes back to normal. It goes on. But for us the day our spouse left this world, time stopped. There is no moving on....there is no normal. And if people cannot handle that and just accept you in your pain, then it might be better not to deal with them right now.
     
  8. My mom asked me the other day why it’s getting harder? It’s only been 2+ months. My world was devastated by this loss. I don’t understand why people can’t just be there and listen. You’re so right when you say they are uncomfortable. That part of it is their problem, not mine.
     
  9. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    There is no time frame for grieving. I lost my sister 7 months ago and I am still grieving and devastated. Just try to ignore what other people say and go by your feelings. I take each day at a time ... some days are worse than others especially around the holidays. I
     
  10. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    It is their problem - not yours. I don't think we will ever go back to the "normal" but we carry on and do the best we can and not feel guilty about it.
     
  11. I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband and sister. I am amazed how I am ‘fine’ one minute and back to devastated the next. Losing my significant other so unexpectedly has left me feeling unsure how to keep going on. He and I were supposed to have a future together and now I’m just living day to day with a broken heart.
     
  12. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    I think that is how grief works ... sometimes "fine" one day and "devastated" the next. I understand completely the feeling of living with a broken heart and how to imagine a future without your loved one.
     
  13. Thank you. Today I was able to listen to an old voice mail from him. I just needed to hear his voice. Some days I can’t even think about doing that- the thought alone cuts to my core.
     
  14. Brendameister

    Brendameister Member

    That part about the future is so hard we talked of growing old together.
     
    Jenn2583 and cg123 like this.
  15. Kriss

    Kriss Active Member

    I feel your pain also. So tired of the question how you doing. Then when you try to tell them how you are really doing they change the subject. I need someone to really sit and listen to me. They may not understand me but they need to sit and listen and let me talk and get it out. My wonderful husband passed away 7 months ago right after he found out he was going to be a grandpa of twin boys. He was suppose to be here to help me spoil them. They will never know what a wonderful man he was. He will never be able to take them fishing or camping and it’s not fair. He should be here. He died of a sudden heart attack. Within three hours my life was shattered. I can’t seem to move on Nobody wants to listen to me. Where am I suppose to turn.
     
  16. I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is so isolating. I just need to talk about my love when the moment arises. Being told ‘have you thought about going to speak with someone?’ is the first cousin to changing the subject. It’s not helpful. We know there are professionals and support groups out there but sometimes we need to talk right now and sometimes with someone who had a connection with the loved one we lost. I share your sadness and loss.
     
  17. Today is 3 months since the beginning of the end. My love was having a stroke and despite my knowledge of medical things I was in complete denial of what was happening right in front of me. (It didn’t help that the hospital the ambulance took him to told me they thought it was a conversion disorder.)
    Just now, a coworker gently told me to ‘cheer up.’ Really?!! As a clinical social worker I am trained in what never to say to people and that tops the list. How about giving me a silent hug in acknowledgment of my sadness and say nothing. Gotta run now and force myself to ‘cheer up’ for others who can’t handle my sadness. (Must add that I’m not crying and moping. I thought I looked pretty together today. Lol. I guess not)
     
  18. cg123

    cg123 Well-Known Member

    Sending you a big hug today!
     
  19. Thank you so very much xo
     
  20. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Dear Broken hearted honey bunny.
    That is what my wife called me !
    Same here dear. No one in family
    has ever askt if I wanted to talk. Nope never happened. It is very weird they are happy I'm back in
    N.E. but they havr no idea of the
    hurt I have gone thru at the same
    time being forced to re locate.
    I am very much grieving and tho I
    Know they mean well it is like
    a large part of my being is ignored.