Trying to recover after the loss of my Wife

Myhoney · Jul 14, 2020

glego said: ↑

It was eight months on the 11th., trust me it does get better. I know those first days, weeks and months just crush you. Your heart and soul ache and it's hard to find any joy or purpose. There's joy and purpose, I try to find something each day to make me smile my dog, the lake, the blue sky on a sunny day or the stars at night. The universe inspires me.

I know it's scary, but we're resilient we'll get through we have to they'd want us to. I know now what I'm saying seems impossible, I thought the same early on and yes, I still have my moments, although now they're briefer.

From the Mel Robbin's show, "when you feel you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."
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Your post was quite inspirational! I lost my husband 1 month ago and am struggling. Your post gave me a bit of a boost and hope ..thank you for sharing! Nancy

RLC · Jul 15, 2020

Laura L 5199 said: ↑

I am sorry for your loss, nobody really understands unless they have been through it. My husband was ok one day and the next day we were in the hospital and he was having exploratory surgery. I knew when the surgeon came out to talk with me and knelt down in front of me that it was not going to be good. He told me that my husband had colon cancer and would need chemo. I heard his words as best as I could, I tried to hold onto the hope that although this would be difficult that one day we could look back on this horrible time and be grateful. However, what I didn’t hear was what he was not saying, or maybe I was just trying to not lose hope and remain strong for my husband. A week and a half later we sat in the Oncologist office for his initial visit: I will never forget that day because that was when we were told it was Stage 4. I am unfortunately or depending on your perspective fortunately a nurse, which can be a blessing and a curse. I wished for a miracle but knew in my heart that he would most likely not survive the year. The oncologist was a little more positive than I, when my husband asked what his prognosis was he was told there were no good treatments at this time. At best 10 years and at worst 2 years. I think, besides being shocked I was angry at the doctor because I don’t believe he was being honest or realistic, and he was giving false hope to my husband. My husband passed away 7 months later. That was almost 2 1/2 years ago. In some ways it feels like forever and other times like it just happened. My husband was my soulmate, there was a time that I wasn’t really sure if there was such a thing or what that meant. I now know that there are soulmates and he is mine and I am his. My heart aches and misses him with every breath I take. I cry almost daily when I think of him and what we loss. I miss coming home at the end of the day and him waiting for me. And so many other routines that we shared. No matter how difficult or hard a day was I knew it would be ok because he would be there at the end of the day. I know he would want me to try hard to be happy but I just can’t seem to reach it at this time. Our family and friends are very supportive and good to me but it is difficult seeing others return to their lives and routines knowing I will never be able to. And yes I agree that having a strong faith in God is what helps me to go on, without it I don’t know what I would have done. Every day continues to be a challenge and a struggle. I don’t know if this will help but it is nice to know that others understand. In closing, many people have told me they cannot even begin to imagine and I tell them, it is a thousand times worse than you can imagine and I hope you never have to experience this, I would not wish this experience on my enemy. Prayers and peace.
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Laura,
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I understand and know exactly what you mean when you say in some ways it feels like forever and other ways it feels so resent. Strange how that is but I get it. It’s about 20 months since I lost my husband suddenly to a massive heart attack. He didn’t have any health issues. All the sudden he didn’t feel well, next thing I know he tells me it’s his chest, lost my soul mate 2 hours later. I went into shock, it was so unexpected, no signs of any issues at all. Ron was worked on by every cardiologist in the hospital. But sadly he lost the battle.
We were together 24/7, owned and ran our business together and I had to close it. We did everything together, nothing feels right or normal anymore. We planned to retire this year and start traveling and do renovations on our home. Now I’m alone and there’s no plans. No routines or schedules, and I miss that.
You’re right our loved ones would want us to move forward and enjoy life. But it’s very hard. I use Ron as my inspiration to keep going. I want him to be proud of me. He helps me get through each day, even though I miss him so very much. Loneliness is horrible.
You’re so right that this feels a million times worse then anyone could ever imagine.
I found this site at 11 months and it has helped me more then I ever expected. Reading and sharing stories on here with people who know exactly what you’re going through, is so helpful.
We all need to keep moving forward towards better days.

glego · Jul 15, 2020

Thank you, Myhoney. Sorry for the late reply. Got caught up in putting out work fires. I hope everyone keeps the faith. I head out to NYC tomorrow, it's bittersweet, my husband who didn't like to travel much loved going there. He always wanted to make it back, however it was just too much for him.

Trying to recover after the loss of my Wife

Myhoney Guest

RLC Well-Known Member

glego Well-Known Member