That gets to the thing that is so hard to accept, we can't control things. And every time I think I've worked out something in my mind and an ready to accept that aspect of how things happened, it will come roaring back to be dealt with again. It's like spinning tires in the snow, stuck in place.
I lost my husband/best friend of 30 years on May11, 2020. There's no more laughter in the apartment. His absence is palpable. He was ill for over a year, but we thought we had years more. But he had MSA and died instantly of a blood clot in his lungs, so he was able to avoid the horrific late stages of MSA. He had the best death possible given his diagnosis. But I'm lonely and alone, my first winter in P'town without my boy and even though I don't cry oceans as I once did, the ACHE is the
Thank you for your post, I pushed too, and at times I let things slide I often feel guilty for those times that I slipped. If only I could have been perfect for him.
I don't know how much it helps, but know you're not alone. I still cry every day, sometimes just once, sometimes several times. A slight alteration to an Edna St. Vincent Millay quote: “The presence of his absence is everywhere.”
Your story is very real to me. I am 55 and lost my Husband of 37 years just 4 weeks ago. I brought him home to Home Hospice and after 6 weeks, he peacefully passed away. Although he had been sick for 7 years, I never believed that I would be alone. There was a 26 year difference in our age. I was younger and he was wiser. I miss him every moment and at times feel like he will be coming home. It's a very difficult time for me. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and hopefully, time will ease the pain. Take care.
It is so difficult but having a place to share with people who know what it is like is helpful. Share as much or as little as you want. Be good to yourself.
I am sure you did your very best, and I’ll bet he knew he was loved. The unfortunate truth for those that are left behind is that we are left with guilt for what we see as our shortcomings. No more chances, no more make-ups. And our minds just wander again and again to what we could have done better. I try very hard to focus on how much I loved Michael and the many, many things I did to show him. Would do it all over in a second if I could. I cannot imagine loving anyone more. Praying for guidance and peace for all of us.
Dear Mike, I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my beloved partner of 13 years Bill to a sudden heart attack almost two years ago. I was not there at the time. I was devastated for many months. Still am at times. I think of Bill every day all day. Going back to work after he passed gave me something to focus on, feel like I had a life. But with the pandemic, I"m working from home in isolation and it is so hard. I still cry a lot and miss him so. Time helps, but it is slow. Talking to friends and even strangers here helps. I truly believe Stephen and Bill are watching over us from above.
