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This year

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by BethAnneB, Dec 14, 2020.

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  1. BethAnneB

    BethAnneB New Member

    I've been lurking awhile and trying to figure out this site. Decided to put my thoughts out there today. I lost my sister in January 2020. She was also my best friend. 36 years ago I lost a baby boy shortly after birth and for 35 years on his birthday, she would call to see if I was doing ok. This year, the silence was deafening. I miss hearing her voice so much. In September, my mother passed away at home from an aneurysm after a 7 day fruitless battle to live. It was an agonizing week. She saw my deceased sister in her room at one point. Said her name, said she was there. I frantically looked in every corner. Did I think I would see her? I guess I hoped so. She also saw my grandmother and a baby, who I hope was my little guy. We had no funeral or gathering. (COVID). My dad has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we had to move him to a memory care facility. He is miserable and frantic and sometimes doesn't remember my mom is dead and looks for her. It's all too heartbreaking. What's left of our family cannot gather for Christmas (COVID) and can only visit my dad one essential caregiver a day. So we're visiting on different days. Nothing is the same as it was last year. I wish I could back to last year and sincerely appreciate the entire family being together.
     
  2. Enderly130

    Enderly130 Active Member

    BethAnneB,
    I'm so very sorry for all your loss and heartbreak! You're going through so much!
    It truly has been an especially grueling year.

    I lost my husband just over a year ago, and my sweet son in law a couple months ago. He was my best buddy after, but even before, I lost my husband. We were always close. It's so very hard to bear. I lost a son, a friend, a helper, a confidant. My heart is shattered.

    Maybe if we keep reaching out and talking, together we can get through these horrific times.

    This year has been so awful.
    Holidays mean nothing.
    It'll never be the same.
    Life has become just trying to make it through the day.

    I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!
     
  3. BethAnneB

    BethAnneB New Member

    I'm sorry for your losses as well. Are you having trouble sleeping? It takes me so long to fall asleep because my mind starts thinking about them, the last time I saw them alive, the struggles in the care center and caring for my mom at home 24/7 during her dying process. My dad... oh my dad. I admire and love him so much. The pain he feels. Ugh.
     
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  4. Enderly130

    Enderly130 Active Member

    I'm sorry, it must be so hard to go through this with your Dad. So sad.

    I do have trouble sleeping. Mostly staying asleep. I am experiencing flashbacks of my son's accident. It terrorizes me every day. It wakes me out of my sleep. Nights are just awful.

    I feel the exhaustion of grief but it doesn't help me sleep through the night.

    It's hard to turn your mind off. I understand this completely.
    Early on I would binge watch a couple different series on hulu or netflix during those sleepless nights. Just to put my mind elsewhere.

    I hope you'll be able to get some sleep! I get so much more emotional when I am tired.
     
  5. BethAnneB

    BethAnneB New Member

    We made it through the holidays. Now to make it through Sunday, which is my sister's birthday. The first without her. Then the 31st which is the first anniversary of her death. There'll always be something to get through. Hang in there.
     
  6. Enderly130

    Enderly130 Active Member

    My thoughts and prayers are with you!
     
  7. Susan Hofflander

    Susan Hofflander New Member

    Dear BethAnnB and Enderly130, I'm just so so sorry for your losses. I, too, experienced multiple losses, one right after the other. In 6 years' time, I lost my sister, my husband, my dad, my mother and another sister. In between, I lost 2 first cousins, an uncle, several life-long friends, and a 20 year old nephew who was shot in the head. It's utter agony when you're in the midst of all of the trauma and fog and heaviness and confusion and just grief. I just wanted to say that it's normal to rehash all of the circumstances leading up to someone's death, rolling it over and over in your head to wonder what you may have done differently, etc. It doesn't make it any EASIER to know that, but at least you know you're not alone in your process. I was so heavily in grief and anger after my 2nd sister died that I was furious ALL the time. I ended up writing a one-woman musical about my experiences. It was cathartic and healing. I still have moments when I miss them all SO much....... After my husband died and I was having a kind of melt down, my dad told me (my first sister had died the year before), "it takes time for the everyday pain to ease..." He was right. I'm sending you both peace and calm as you move through the process of letting the grief beat you up for a while, because there's no other effective path than through it.
     
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  8. Enderly130

    Enderly130 Active Member

    Thank you for your thoughtful reply and sound advice!
    I'm so very sorry for all your losses! That's a lot to handle.
    I wish you peace and calm as well.
    Take care.