I've been lurking awhile and trying to figure out this site. Decided to put my thoughts out there today. I lost my sister in January 2020. She was also my best friend. 36 years ago I lost a baby boy shortly after birth and for 35 years on his birthday, she would call to see if I was doing ok. This year, the silence was deafening. I miss hearing her voice so much. In September, my mother passed away at home from an aneurysm after a 7 day fruitless battle to live. It was an agonizing week. She saw my deceased sister in her room at one point. Said her name, said she was there. I frantically looked in every corner. Did I think I would see her? I guess I hoped so. She also saw my grandmother and a baby, who I hope was my little guy. We had no funeral or gathering. (COVID). My dad has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we had to move him to a memory care facility. He is miserable and frantic and sometimes doesn't remember my mom is dead and looks for her. It's all too heartbreaking. What's left of our family cannot gather for Christmas (COVID) and can only visit my dad one essential caregiver a day. So we're visiting on different days. Nothing is the same as it was last year. I wish I could back to last year and sincerely appreciate the entire family being together.