Lost my husband 12/14/19. My 2 children watched me do CPR on their dad for what seemed like hours! I have been numb and in a fog... I want to feel normal again but what does that even look like? Everything we did revolves around the 4 of us.... Super Bowl was a bitter sweet day in our house: I am a die hard niner fan & my husband was a die hard Chiefs fan- of all the 32 teams & the 16 years we were together & THIS year it’s the super bowl of a lifetime for us... every day is a struggle... I miss him- everything about him. And I want to take the pain away from my children & not watch them suffer anymore
9erette, I wish there were greater words I could come up with, other than to say your loss is significant, and I am so sorry for your loss. Having your children there at the final time must have been enormously disheartening. When you mention the fog of death, those times we have faced are hard to describe. We each know we were there, we were so focused at what we are doing, that it is as if we are lifted from our body and replaced by another as we witness the passing of the one we love. Having to console not just yourself, but your children as well at that time must have been tremendously hard. At that point you must have been at a loss for how to go forward. With both of you being football fans you had a good common ground. I use to watch football alone, while my wife read and my sons played on their computers. Being from Maine originally, I was a Patriots fan (sorry). I noticed his date of death, one in December, so much seems to always happen in that month, my own anniversary was December 15th. The one thing I have found since it has been almost 5 years since my wife's passing is how time no longer seems to matter to me anymore. It is as if I am living on an icy plane of life, and moving forward is one that is almost impossible. I am not sure how old your children are, but I have found that since my wife's death, mark you they are adults, that talking about their mom is hallowed ground. Pictures and videos seems to be the medium where I can find common ground. Words seem too shallow for them, they don't really want to talk of their mom, but I realize they are hurting inside and all I want is for them to heal and feel better. In married life we did so many things together, we took so many pictures, it was not uncommon for us to have many undeveloped rolls of film in our camera bag. Pictures were our favorite currency for memories, while video were few and far between. The adage of , 'A picture is worth a thousand words.' We have many carousels of slides, albums galore, and vcr tapes. What I remember the most about married life, is what I would describe as, 'A rolling stone gathers no moss.' We were always on the go, visiting attractions, theme parks, the ocean, a cruise, and even when we were in Okinawa (a beautiful country) we travel literally in our car all the way around the perimeter of the island. We were in Okinawa when they changed from driving on the right side of the road to the left side. Japan had imported 6000 motorcycle policemen all over the island. At 6 am one morning, I was on my way to work, I heard many cannon shot all over, and then the policemen in front of traffic proceeded to lead and teach us drivers how to drive on the left side of the road, especially at the lights and turning either left or right. Okinawa, we lived there for 2 and one half years, had so many sights to see. We lived in base housing, my wife worked at the PX (Afees Exchange) on Kadena Air Base. We ate at so many restaurants and experienced their special meals. There was always a celebration of some type going on. We survived powerful typhoons that seemed to hover over the island for days. We witnessed the Habu take off from the airbase. There were days as I rode to work at Torii Station that all along Highway 56, people were lined up with cameras with long telephoto lenses trying to get pictures of the Habu taking off and landing. Even after a long day at work, on my drive home there were still literally many people still left taking pictures. I could go on and on about Okinawa, especially the vender event sales where they brought in vendors from all over Asia and we could go there and buy what we wished. We experienced many military events during my service time (almost 13 years), many festivals in Okinawa and other places in the U.S. We had so many memories to reach back upon in our life. I can never think back to a time of boredom. Even when we couldn't tour anywhere we each had our own computer and could visually experience so much more online through pictures, videos and other people words. In short, I will admit even though my heart is missing my wife like crazy, she gave us so many memories to think back upon. It is odd how grief seems to take you on a journey unlike anything you can describe. You never know what frame of mind you will be in. You have no idea what thoughts will come to the surface from days gone by, and lastly as you start to visualize through the tears, you start to remember, all the beautiful times you had together in life. This reminds me of a series, 'Amazing Stories', how I use to love just the start of it as the author viewed all the items in his room looking for a new adventure. That in a nutshell is what grief has done to me. I have reached into my memory, into my photos, videos and letters and start to move from melancholy to happiness as I remember so many wonderful things in life. carousel, I hope that you will take care of yourself, and never be apprehensive you share with your children, your sorrow, your tears and your fears. Just take it slowly, and please remember our children are like an empty canvas and it is up to each of us to guide them through life. Peace be with you. May your grief be easier to handle as you go forth in time. Take care. david I wish to share this song with you:
Hi David, Thank you for sharing pieces of your life/love about your wife. You have a long history of cherished memories which is amazing. I also value the bluntness of your post and the sensitivity. My kids are 12 & 9. Like you said day-to-day the roller coaster of emotions change, not only for me but for them as well. I feel like I’m weathering 3 different storms. On top of trying to work & maintain their schooling... it’s all SO overwhelming. Best, 9erette
