The stupid little things

Well I'm not someone who has a short temper, but since her passing the stupid little things are making me angry my temper is short and I'm snappy. But it's like I have to be my roommate jokes inappropriately because he doesn't know what to say. Anyway she was the buffer on those things she made me happy so I let whatever just slide, I know when I told her stuff like this she would just tell me to let it roll off my back.....of course she's right...one day at a time
Hope all are taking it one day at a time...I know I am...

 

Well today sucked let the little things get to me again, let my roommate anger me again with his comments, he said he wants to see the death rate from last year till now because he doesn't think the death rate is right for this year. This idiot the one who got Aimee sick in the first place and he knows she died from it and talks to me like that. He lucky I didn't just knock him out...I honestly don't need him around while I'm trying to heal, but at least only see him on weekends....ugh,one day at a time...

 

Well what shit day already starting out with feelings of anger like I hate everyone and everything and could careless about today. Regardless going to get the BS for the day done. I miss my girl, I hate going out in the mornings because we did it together as a team and now I gotta pass by the places we enjoyed each other...I hate this, I just want to give up....

 

Jonathan,

You can’t let everything get to you. You need to build up your resistance some and realize sometimes comments made by others are well-meant but not spoken to make you feel bad.

Right now you are the only one who can understand your feelings best. Why? Because Aimee’s passing was so very personal to you.

The anger you feel is natural after Aimee is no longer with you. You are missing her badly and that is so natural. I know it is not fair. You wanted more time with her, but alas, sometimes we are denied that chance in life.

If your roommate is that cold towards your sorrow, it is time to move and find a new place. He should be more supportive of you. Just getting angrier and angrier is not going to help you at all. Time for a new roommate. Please don’t do anything foolish or rash against him as that will no server no purpose other than to have bad things happen to you or him. While you think it will make you feel better, it will not, and it will not bring Aimee back either.

Jonathan, don’t give up. Try to avoid those places that bother you, by walking on the other side of the street. I know you miss Aimee severely. Just try to take each day slowly, and seek help from professionals as well.

Have you been able to find any counseling at all? Have you considered going to a doctor and told him how bad you feel inside? Call one by phone if you can’t physically because of this isolation.

If you can see a priest that would also be good for you. They can talk to you privately. Tell them how you are feeling, why you are feeling that way, and all the bad feelings you are dealing with.

Trying to take care of yourself without help is not the best choice for you. Keep talking as your heart and mind will allow.

Peace brother

-david

This is a song for you today

 

Well David, I just want to thank you for your kind words as usual. But at the moment I don't have the finances to move out of my house due to Amiees death finances are all out of whack. And the roommate I have is my father who you would think would understand the situation considering he just lost his wife 5 years ago. I wish it was just a simple as just move out but it's not. I've explained my father's a workaholic and does what he wants and says what he wants. Avoiding places what's that going to do? Unfortunately I have to go to these places to make my day function properly. I have to talk to all the same people deal with it. It's not as simple as just don't go there. Sorry but it's not...
As for professional help that cost money and I don't have it so... I've called my church I've been a. Part of for over 20 years still to hear a call back I called last week and today...left a message seems like there busy... I can honestly say I keep seeing myself just to end it. Im tired of feeling this way and tired in general, thought of just driving off a cliff today, seems like it's only a matter of time before I get the balls to do it.
Isn't life grand WTF...FTW...
-Jonathan

 

Jonathan,

Keep calling the church, they are free to talk with. Some counselors will also give you a free consultation.

Sorry about your situation. Just coexist the best you are able, and if you are about to lose control of your emotions, walk outside and try to cool off.

Jonathan, first and foremost you need to find a way to cope. Find a location you feel safe in, like the library, or some other place you can have some time with your thoughts. It never does you any good to think bad thoughts.

One last thing I forgot about. In my times in the military, when troubled by so many things I would just walk to the church, enter, find a seat near the front so a father, priest, or whatever would see me and just wait, and then think to myself.

Also if you have some favorite music, play some on a portable device you might have. Just put the earphones on and listen. But whatever you do, don't give up on life ever, life is too damn important as are you. You take care.

Peace brother

-david

This song is inspirational and religious, listen-only if you are not bothered by such words and music - I will just say it is beautiful to me.

 

Tell the roommate to shut up. At least around you..how can he be so dann insensitive to what your going through? Push on. I like how you mention one day at a time.

 

that was very nice.

 

Jonathon,
I’ve just read through some of your posts and I’m so sorry for your loss of Aimee. Sounds like you had such a wonderful life together. I know how you’re feeling, I lost my husband, we were together 44 years and married 41. When you lose your life partner, it feels like the world is crashing down on you. Every last thing takes up so much energy. Pushing forward feels impossible. I get it, I’m still fighting the fight. Ron would never want me to give up, in fact if he’s watching over me, which I truly believe he is, he’s concerned for me, because he sees the struggles I’m going through with his loss. I would never want to let him down, never. So I use Ron as my inspiration, he’s why I get out of bed each day, he’s why I push forward. Is it hard? Definitely, but I need to keep making Ron proud of me, just like I’m proud of every last thing he ever did.
I’m willing to bet, Aimee is watching over you, and seeing your struggles and wanting you to find a way a reason to keep pushing forward. She sounds like a lovely young lady and you were such a nice couple, doing everything side by side. Aimee is still with you, and you have all those wonderful memories that one day will make you smile.
I’m so sorry your father isn’t being a good support for you, that’s rough and living together. It’s possible he just doesn’t know the right things to say or they come out wrong. When something he says is cruel and makes you hurt beyond belief, walk away, take some deep breathes and find a quiet place. This is so recent for you, and such a loss takes time before you feel anything close to normal.
I’m hoping you have other friends or other family offering support. Talk to them as much as possible, friends you and Aimee shared are mourning her loss too. David is very good at offering support and he’s right, you should keep calling your church, and I have found that sitting in church has been very helpful, definitely worth a try for you.
You’re a good caring person, I can tell by your posts, you have so much to offer this world and Aimee would want you to push forward.
When I’m feeling my worst, at my lowest, I close my eyes and think of Ron giving me the biggest tightest longest bear hug! It helps me, sometimes I end up crying, heck sometimes I’ve started out crying, but it is helpful to me, sometimes I have on one of his shirts or I’m holding one for his smell. Maybe try closing your eyes and imagine Aimee giving you a warm embrace, it just might calm you some.
There are better days ahead, just keep working towards them.
Robin

 

Thanks David it's just so confusing on what life is supposed be now, who for, what for Aimee is gone...we thought we were here for each other to help each other through life she had saved mine a couple times,wish I did the same for her.
According to my pastor my father just isn't wired for such things and he's really not the person I need to talk too.

It's so ridiculous I was crying and laughing all at the same time my emotions have gone wonky on me. I don't know what to do anymore laugh, cry it sucks, this isn't growing this is just pain and it sounds like it will be around for very long time...