The scene kept replaying in my head

I have a friend that I consider like my own brother. We grew up together. 14 years we spend together .We both even served in the army together. He was my rock when I fall into drug addiction. Stood by my side even when my own parents already given up on getting me sober.
He was the honorable one, the guy that always try to do the right thing and help people , he was my big brother. Everyone that knows him loved him. There is no way you can hate him .He is just too naive and nice...
The day he told me he was diagnosed with brain cancer (gliomatosis cerebri) is the most soul crashing day in my life
I had to watch him breaking apart... His sister lost her life, his girlfriend abandoned him and cheated on him, his body is giving up on him too... All the seizures and memory loss.. the cancer took away whatever spirit he has left.
The high point was when he was declared brain death by the doctors... I had to watch his family turn off his life support machine. I thought I would be ready for it, I mean me and him already talk about that possibility over and over again....
But after I saw how his body stopped breathing, that is when I realize that this is actually real... He is dead , he won't ever come back again..
The day after his funeral which is 2days ago is the worst, the reality of him not being in this world anymore started to sink in. The scene where he stopped breathing kept replaying in my head over and over again...
It doesn't matter whether I was sleeping or waking up, the scene always kept replaying in my head. Sometimes when I talk to people , I can pause that scene. But whenever I was alone, that scene Never stopped playing.
I tried going to therapy but it just doesn't help. So here I am wondering, have you guys ever experience the same replaying scene in your head and if you do , how do you keep going on ?

 

Hi, I watched my partner die - surrounded by chaos and doctors standing in line to give him compressions, trying to get his pulse back. It wasn't how he wanted to go but it all happened so suddenly. And yes - the scene replays in my mind. Not constantly but regularly. I took a poetry class about a month after he died and ended up writing a poem describing the scene. It helped me put it aside - not leave it behind because it does still come back to me - but not as regularly and it doesn't feel as devastating.

 

Hi, I watched my partner die - surrounded by chaos and doctors standing in line to give him compressions, trying to get his pulse back. It wasn't how he wanted to go but it all happened so suddenly. And yes - the scene replays in my mind. Not constantly but regularly. I took a poetry class about a month after he died and ended up writing a poem describing the scene. It helped me put it aside - not leave it behind because it does still come back to me - but not as regularly and it doesn't feel as devastating.

 

I know what you mean about the scene replaying in my head. I lost my husband to sudden cardiac arrest five months ago. I was with him when he took his last breath. For the first month at least, it replayed in my head every night when I was trying to go to sleep, along with the memory of having to tell his daughter that he'd died. I would have little flashbacks during the day, but I could distract myself from those a lot easier. I still have that scene replay in my head, but it's much less often than just a couple months ago. I have to remind myself that there is nothing I could have done to change it. Sometimes I have to kind of give myself a mental shake and say "Stop thinking about it already!" I'm wondering if you had a chance to talk with your friend about how much he meant to you and how much you meant to him. Maybe you could try to focus on that memory instead or other happier memories. I know it's hard to do that, but try to interrupt that cycle of thought that keeps you replaying and reliving that scene, if you can. I know it isn't easy, but with time it will get easier. Even the happy memories can make me cry, but now I can smile too sometimes. Be patient with yourself. Be as supportive to yourself as your friend was to you.

 

I see often the horror of watching the hospital staff trying to safe my dear TOMMY! It's such a horror and keeps flashing in my brain! I lost my soul mate my love of my life 02/01/19!