The Only Person Who Could Really Care About Me

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Laura-Lee, May 22, 2020.

  1. Laura-Lee

    Laura-Lee Member

    Ed was the only person who really cared about me. I was and I am the family scapegoat, even though my parents have passed away too. My sister must have been conditioned to think of me as a juvenile delinquent by my mother's untrue narratives about me. Now that my husband isn't visibly here, she tells me that what I need is "tough love.". Oh, by the way, my name is Laura.
     
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Laura,
    I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I don’t know your story but I see it was a sudden loss. That’s how I lost my husband. He suffered a massive heart attack, that took him from me in two hours. I went into shock and my life turned upside down. Nothing stayed the same, we owned a business together and were together 24/7. I had to close our business and do my best to move forward. It’s a long road with ups and downs. I still miss going to work with Ron every day and the schedule of our life. That happened 18 months ago and I’m in a much better place then when this happened, but there’s still struggles.
    I’m sorry that your sister has harsh words for you. But I do understand, I’ve had to cut all ties from my sister because of how she treats me. I do have two brothers and one of them is supportive and two children and we support each other. I hope you have other people in your life to offer support. I know it’s extra hard during this social distancing, but hopefully you can stay in touch with family and friends through the phone or internet.
    Keep posting on here it’s very helpful, and keep reading other people’s stories. Everyone on here understands and knows the pain you’re feeling.
    Take care of you!
    Robin
     
  3. Laura-Lee

    Laura-Lee Member

    Hi Robin, I hope this finds you well. Thank you for sharing your painful experience and also the positive experience of the life you had and shared with your husband. And, I can relate to feeling that my life had "been turned upside down" because that's how I feel. But unfortunately, he was my only friend because I've been struggling with PTSD for years. I still believe he was heaven sent.
     
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Laura,
    Yes, we all seem to suffer most of the same feelings after losing important people in our lives. The loneliness is huge, there’s brain fog, sleeplessness, can’t eat. But I’m here to tell you it does get better with time. It’s a slow process, don’t push yourself, do what feels ok at the moment. Live moment to moment if that works best.
    I kind of understand not having friends, Ron and I didn’t need other people, we had each other and that’s what makes us happy. Wow I just wrote present tense there. Anyway, we loved just the two of us being together. I lost friends because of that. I do have my children, my little dachshund is my best friend. And siblings and extended family. I do hope you have other family available to help give support. I understand you struggle PTSD, I hope you do have a few people you’re comfortable with. I’m hoping your doctor is helping you through this horrible loss.
    Try to make sure you get outside and breathe in fresh air, I found that very helpful, make lists of things you might want to accomplish, helps your mind clear up some. And keep coming back to this site, it is helpful.
    I know the feeling of, he was heaven sent. You were made for each other, perfect fit in all ways. That’s Ron and myself too.
    When you feel you’re up to it, share some info on you husband, it does help.
    For now take care of you. You know your husband would want that.
    Sending hugs! Robin
     
  5. Laura-Lee

    Laura-Lee Member

    Thank you Robin for you kindness. I've got a roommate now. I would have never imagined that I would without Ed.
     
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    So, that’s great! I happy it worked out for you and hopefully you’ll have some support as you continue this horrible journey.
    Keep posting.
     
  7. Laura-Lee

    Laura-Lee Member

    Thanks Robin, Its just so terrible to be without him. But, I realize he had been suffering. And, I had a sense he had something similar to what his mom passed away with. At least, he's not suffering. Yet, I know he really wanted to keep living.
     
  8. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Active Member

    I'm sure the fact that he's not suffering gives you some type of peace. It's hard living without them though. I no I miss my fiance everyday. Knowing that he's not suffering gives me a piece of my for him but my heart breaks at the same time. I just pray for strength to continue to get through each day. Having a roommate may make it easier for you to deal with not being alone. Having my kids help me get through each day. Praying for you!
     
  9. Laura-Lee

    Laura-Lee Member

    Hi Sweetcole,

    Well, my landlord's new girlfriend seems to be the boss 'round here. Because she's telling me I cannot sublet my place for irrelevant reasons. I suspect that she doesn't like the fact that I was given the power of a landlord by subletting. I just am making an effort to survive.
     
  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Laura,
    So they’re not letting you have your new roommate? And not irrelevant that’s for sure. You certainly don’t need any extra stresses put on top of your loss. I’m sorry.
    Keep the effort going. Time helps a lot, but it’s take quite a while. Make sure you get fresh air, even if being outside doesn’t feel like it’s helping, breathing it in and different s energy are good for you.
    Think of Ed as your inspiration, what would he want me to do.
    Take care, Robin