October 30, 2018 was the worst day of my life. I got up, got myself ready for work as usual, and before I left kissed my boyfriend goodbye. That was the last time I would ever get to kiss him or talk to him. The day went on and I hadn’t heard from him- which was weird. We talked all day long, even if it was just to say how much we missed each other. When the work day was over and I still hadn’t heard from him, I knew something was wrong. I drove home, pulled in the driveway, and saw his truck was there. I went inside and found him cold and unresponsive. I can never begin to understand why this happened. He was only 33 and we had our whole lives ahead of us. I only got 4 years with him. I feel lost and cheated. We were supposed to have our happily ever after. It’s been a week and a half and things are starting to settle a bit and now I feel my worst. My anxiety is at an all time high. I tried getting in touch with multiple therapists, but they are either away or don’t answer or don’t have time in their schedules for me. I’m so lost and I don’t know how I’m going to move forward from this.