1. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    H
    Hi Debs,
    You asked if I had read any books about this. As a Baha'i I believe that this earthly world and the next realm are together. Our loved ones are with us but not in a physical way. Some souls who are cruel, selfish, angry, spiteful ect. go on to the next world but they have no influence on us. Baha'is don't believe in a Force for evil. Rather evil is caused by a lack of true spirituality which has to do with good behavior. I think angels who have loving hearts can assist us in this world.
    They can help us and we can pray for them,
     
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  2. Debs

    Debs Member

    I have a hard time believing that people are inherently evil. Sometimes they are just so damaged that they can't behave in a positive way.
     
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  3. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi Debs,
    I absolutely agree with you. I think babies are like clean slates. Pure and innocent. They have to be loved and nurtured and taught good values and have a positive atmosphere that will help them grow and develop. I don't think any child anywhere is born in sin and needs forgiveness. But they should be taught to be kind and loving and thoughtful and how they can get along with others.
     
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  4. Felicity

    Felicity New Member

    My daughter(33) passed recently but I feel her presence a lot. I know she's sending me messages including a lightning strike at the exact time her vigil started, sending a surge through the house. That was followed by almost an hour of thunder. I saw the most dragonflies I've ever seen in one place at her memorial and "our song" came on the radio as soon as we turned it on like it was a c.d playing. There are many other things that I just know are coming from my sweet Jenny. I'm keeping very open to signs as her killer is still on the loose and I won't have closure til he/she's caught.
     
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  5. Debs

    Debs Member

    Felicity, I'm very sorry about your daughter but glad she is sending you love and that you are open to seeing it, receiving it, and letting it comfort you.
    Debs
     
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  6. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hello Felicity,
    I can't even begin to imagine the shock of losing a child to murder. I hope and pray that the killer is soon locked away. Do you have any clues about who might have done this?
    I wanted to play the song "Where you Are" at my husband's memorial but I was so out of it the days following his passing that our children set up the whole service and did not include the song. Now I hear that song so very often when I turn on the radio in the car or on Pandora. It's like he is not very far away at all and knows that this is my favorite losing someone.
    That is astounding about the lightning and thunder and dragonflies. It seems Jenny needs to reach you. Bless your hearts. I hope closure comes soon.
     
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  7. Meg Willow

    Meg Willow Member

    I went walking in the mountains yesterday, and this gave me such peace during the walk. I felt a real connection and close to my mum. It really is the most or really the only exercise I have done in the last 4 months since mumma passed. Funny as I thought to myself yesterday, I need to do more exercise, and my partner suggested the walk (the sadness said no but something strong pushed me to go- I said yes). Maybe it was a big nudge to get out to re connect through nature, which I feel helps to put you in the moment and the flow. hhhmmm.. Plus my Mother is in my dreams. In the daytime I feel her presence strong and can clearly envision her beautiful face and being. I am not sure if I am making this up, as I miss her so so much. I feel good with it either way...
     
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  8. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi meg,
    It makes me happy to hear that you walked in the mountains. Being in nature can certainly re-energize us can't it? So good to know that you took the iniative to get out and do that. I believe that your mom is very close to you and is guiding and protecting you. I know that you miss her physical presence and being able to talk to her. It's been 8 months since my husband passed and every day I feel such grief. I keep on keeping on, though, confident that I am being guided and protected until I can find a true purpose. I am much more compassionate, sympathetic and loving these days. Relying heavily on a Higher Power to assist me as I take the time I need to deal with the loss.
     
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  9. Meg Willow

    Meg Willow Member

    Hi Sara,
    Thank you for your comforting words. 8 months is still such a short amount of time, and I know and feel what you say when you feel such grief everyday. In the first few days of mum passing an old friend said to me "It only gets harder from here". I just don't feel like I am the same person, so much is different now. He was so right, I know 4 months on and it is still tough in different ways but the longing to be in touch physically is at times so challenging with so much depth. We will and do find comfort in the subtle connections, guidance and signs in those special moments we feel them close, and their loving protection and guidance. Much love and strength to you. Meg ps I hear my mum's voice more as a visualisation and a vision. It feels warm and like there is a veil between us, and like I need the sound turned up. It is strange like she is communicating with me but more through feelings. Does this make sense? I really like this topic, as it gives us a sense of connection. Meg
     
  10. Meg Willow

    Meg Willow Member

    Hi Felicity, I am sending much love and strength. What you wrote really was so beautiful and a very powerful message from your daughter. Yes I believe you will be getting a whole lot more messages coming to you. Meg
     
  11. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi Meg,
    Like you, I don't feel like the same person. My circumstance is so different now. I have to tell myself that grief takes emotional energy and that I MUST take the time to be in solitude and not take on too much. I have been really enjoying watching Ted Talks on coping with grief. The speakers have a lot of insight about the subject.
    Just today I joined Instagram and started posting photos that I had taken over several years. I was able to see some of my dear husband and they brought such comfort. Just after he passed I could not bear to look at a photo of him.
    That is so interesting that you feel your mom communicating through a veil and more through feelings. I have the same experiences. To me there is a true connection between this world and the next but and those who have gone on. It's no longer physical but spiritual in nature.
    I'm wondering if anyone else gets exhausted quickly when you are with other people and you have to be "on". It takes more energy these days for me to be social.
     
  12. Meg Willow

    Meg Willow Member

    My apologies for my very late reply. Yes I know I think it will take a lot of time (grief) I feel like some days there are glimmers of slight happiness and other days it is so painful. I am trying hard to be grateful for all the other good in life but it is tough. Some days you wake and just know its going to be a tough day. I had to take photos of my mum down, and I can't bare the thought of going through memories right now. This is so incredibly hard. I will make an effort to look at Ted Talks on grief as I think I need whatever I can get to get through. I am going to a grief talk early September, and I am hoping to connect with others. As I have had no family or friends around to comfort. I have my partner, and If I didn't have him I would have no one (physically) as all my friends live away. I find it hard to be sociable really with anyone as well. I feel like it is really hard to relate to anyone these days. Life just goes on around me, and everyone else is going on with life and I am just living moment be moment doing the best I can. It is good this forum is here. Thank you for sharing ;) Meg
     
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  13. Meg Willow

    Meg Willow Member

     
  14. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi Meg,
    I am so sorry that your friends are not close by. That makes it difficult. Until about a month or so ago I could not look at any photos of my husband. It was just too painful. I joined a grief support group and one week we were requested to bring in photos of our loved ones who passed. That helped me be able to remember the good times we had and what a support he was and I could look at his photos from then on.
    It's been over 10 months since he died and each day gets a bit easier as I am able to accept that he is gone and I fill the void that he left. I do some social activity but take the time I need to be alone and not get too involved or spend too much time with people.
    Since my sister lost her husband in March 2017 and her daughter lost her husband in May of this year we 3 widows are a great support to each other.
    There really is no "cure" for grief and it just takes time. Your partner must be a good support for you ? Has he lost a close family member?
    I think the grief meeting you are going to in Sept. will be a big help. Just meeting people who are going through the grieving process should be comforting for you.
    I do believe that my husband is watching over me and caring and protecting me. He is just in a different state but I feel his spirit is very close at hand.
    It sounds like you are doing OK "just doing the best you can". Sometimes that is all we can do and that is really a lot when you are grieving.
    Sara
     
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  15. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    How old was your mother? I have a daughter who is 43 and it's been hard on her to lose her dad.
     
  16. Meg Willow

    Meg Willow Member

    Hi Sara,
    I am glad to hear you have a lot of support around you and I'm sorry for you all but there is comfort in each other. Do you find all the secondary lose from grief quite hard? What I mean is all the other things that seem to pile up that where issues prior to the lose of our loved ones but seem so much bigger than before? I feel for your daughter also it is hard to lose a parent a mother and a father.
    My Mum was 61 and I am 43 also. My partner has been a good support, but has struggled quite a bit, as we have fallen out with my family/siblings and mum's partner (its complicated of course) but it really been tough on us would be an understatement. At first he would say things like I want you to be how you were before/I want you to be the normal you again... That was hard, as I had to tell him, I will never be the same...We are slowly making our way back together and trying to stay strong, it has effected us immensely . We are over seas and away from any family and friends but I have had support from one of mums sister whom i am close with since birth, over the phone but that is becoming less frequent and one of my closest best friends I speak with nearly everyday. It has been tough but I think we will get there like you say grief takes time. The last few weekends we have had my partners friends visit and that helped a lot. It also made me realise how important it is really good to have good support around but is few and far between. My partner lost his stepmother 12 years ago to suicide and had no support around him when that happened(he lived overseas away from his father) so I think initially this was so very confronting and until recently he has become a lot better with it all. He struggles with knowing what to say and do with me but he has been the best support for me, as he is it. It has been a tough road for us both as I think he has had a lot of painful memories come up since mum. Time will tell, we just are trying to focus on what we can do moment by moment and day by day. Also I think Mum is around us supporting us. It was her birthday recently and that was really tough and painful. There are going to be good days and not so good days. We have to try and get through the best we can and try to remember the good rather than focus on the things we can do for ourselves. Take care Meg
     
  17. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Thank you to everyone on this thread for being such a wonderful support to one another. Based on some of the discussion I thought it would be worthwhile to highlight our blog that includes a variety of topics that may interest you. Some that I know have come up are regarding secondary losses, and also how loss affects our other relationships. I have included those below:
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/when-your-loss-is-hurting-your-relationship/
    https://www.griefincommon.com/blog/why-grief-is-so-hard-lasts-so-long/
    Thanks for being part of our community and know we are always here to help. Wishing you all peace and healing in the days ahead~
     
  18. Sara K Hatch

    Sara K Hatch Well-Known Member

    Hi Meg,
    No. I don't feel much of a secondary loss because my sister and her daughter's husbands suffered so much while they were living with cancer and they both wanted to go on. I really really believe that all 3 men including my dear husband are helping and supporting us from the unseen world.
    I am sure your dear partner went through some horrible times when his stepmom committed suicide. How does one ever fully recover from losing a family member like this? Your mom was young wasn't she? I am sure that made it all the more difficult for you.
    It sounds like your partner is understanding more and more how to be a good support to you while you go through this very difficult time and that he will continue to be there for many years.
    Also having family issues prior to your mom's passing must complicate your healing process. Thank goodness you have a good friend who you can talk to often. I do to. I call this person about every day. I also call my twin whose husband is very ill and we support each other. She is going through a very difficult time watching him get weaker and weaker as time goes on.
    I am quite a bit older than your mom but can certainly empathize with you since my daughter is just your age. Perhaps you could think of me as your Grief in Common mom. I know that my daughter is having a difficult year and she is seeing a counselor. It's really good that you have reached out to others for some comfort, sympathy and sharing.
    ,Our son who is 44 is so busy with a job and two very young children and wife that he really has little time to grieve. He promised his dad, my dear husband, that he would take care of me and he is doing as much as he can under the circumstances. He lives about an hour and a half away in another community.
    Today I am attending my grief support meeting and hope to come away with some better understanding of how people handle grief.
    Take good care of you.
    hugs,,
    Sara
    i i
     
  19. Sandi Clary

    Sandi Clary Member

    I keep asking for some sort of sign, that he (my life partner of 28 years) is okay! Yes, I wonder what it is like! I would truly love to know!
     
  20. Jack Longino

    Jack Longino Member

    Yes