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Sudden loss

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Janparada, Apr 11, 2017.

  1. Janparada

    Janparada New Member

    i just lost my husband of 40 years on march 2 of a heart attack, everything happened so fast, we had just retired to Florida 2 years ago, when he passed my brother and daughter flew from California to Florida to pack me up and put my house on the market, I don't know what to do, I'm so overcome with grief. I think I should have stayed in Florida, I just hurt so much and no one understands when I get quiet, I'm just expected to join in and be like nothing has happened, I can't do that
     
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It sounds like you've had to deal with so much loss and so much change in such a short period of time. Unfortunately it seems that people who have not been through this simply don't or just can't understand. Sometimes we need to educate the people around us and help them understand what this grieving process is like, and ask for their patience as we try to work through all that has happened. That can help a little. I find it's also a help to connect with those who have had a similar loss. They already understand what you're going through in so many ways and being able to connect and share your story can make the difference. I'm glad you've found us and I hope you find the help and support you need.
     
  3. Ellen C

    Ellen C Guest

    Dear Jan,
    I am so very sorry about your husband. To lose your partner and best friend of 40 years is truly devastating. It is very recent and of course you're in shock right now and at the very beginning of the grieving process.
    I am the same age as you, and although I lost my husband via divorce after infidelity and many years of lies and betrayal, I have lost a daughter and both my parents, 15, 12, and 2 years ago.

    Coping with loss is a long and very individual process. There is no time limit. I am certain that your family had good intentions in moving you to California to be closer to them, however you are likely feeling that all those changes all at once were too much to handle. And more than likely you were emotionally unable to resist. You left Florida and the home you shared with your husband and that in a way is also a loss. Unless you have gone through a similar experience, nobody can really understand your pain.

    It might help you to join a bereavement support group which focuses on losing your spouse. I think you would find comfort in being able to express how you feel in a safe environment. Also, you now need to focus on you and coping with your loss. No, you will never stop hurting and it will be hard and lonely. I can't lie and sugar coat it for you. I can assure you though, that it will get easier as more time passes and you feel stronger. You have to set your own pace and don't worry about what other people say or think.
    Again, I'm very sorry about your husband. I just wanted you to know that there are many people out there and also on this site who feel your pain and understand.
    Wishing you comfort and strength.

    Be well- Ellen