Sudden loss of husband of over 40 years and no family support

Hello Everyone, I lost my husband suddenly in a public setting. He collapsed while doing a fun activity at a staff gathering. I was the one who called for help and long story short the person who answered refused to dispatch help until I gave address of this place I hadn't been to for many years and had no idea of the address. Eventually help came but too late to make a difference , they gave him CPR for 30 minutes before some Dr at the other end of a phone long distance told them to "call it " That is the way it is done where I am from. I asked that they continue while transporting to hospital but they said that they had to go by protocol. I had been semi estranged from my local daughter ( although she came when I called her ) and more estranged from my older daughter who lives in another city. They chose the day we made funeral arrangements to go after me verbally about everything they imagined I'd done wrong in my entire motherhood. My son tried to stand up for me ( he lives here ) but they totally wouldn't let him have a word edgewise so he eventually stomped off in frustration. After the service and them all around for a couple days after they disappeared into the woodwork until the nearby one decided to take me to task for "turning away their support that I needed " I have no idea what support that was supposed to be as although they did help a lot with the planning and carrying out of the Celebration of Life, immediately after that I was shunned the same as I had been for last few years. My husband had been fully aware of the meanness they carried out in the past and was totally disgusted with the oldest for her level of nastiness. I recently found out that he also must have known that my suspicions about the younger one also believing the poison ( malarky ) of the oldest also. I have a disability that is invisible but serious enough that I received a disability pension for the last 3 years. My husband fully understood my challenges and helped me a lot. I know where ever he is he is deeply disappointed in them for the fact that they aren't watching out or offering help for his wife ( me ) . Now I have no one to help me, overwhelmed with paperwork , home duties, grief and sadness that my children could treat me this way and fear of the future. It has been less than 5 months since he passed away and I feel like it was last week. I was in a state of shock the last 4 months at least and forget that he is gone at times. When I'm shopping I pick up things he would like, go to call him when something good or bad happens. This last week or so I have started to come out of the shock and into reality and although my friends, coworkers have been supportive, it seems that they believe that at this point in time I must be getting on with things and in a new routine. In fact I am in a much worse place now .

 

wow my heart goes out to you! where and how do you heal after this?Please seek help a support group or a therapist I am doing both. I avoid my blood family because they just dont represent very well. They say and do stupid things that drive me crazy. They mean well however my wifes family now those are some terrific folks.I now know why my wife was the wonderfull she was. I am truly sorry for your loss and will pray for you journey to get better!

 

Hi, I'd like to offer my deepest condolences. Your story moved me and I'm so sorry for your loss and all the horrible events that followed. Some people just don't understand, but one day they will. Please don't let anyone make you feel that you should be "getting on" or anything like that. There is no timeline and even if there were, 5 months is nothing. I know it's a struggle, I'm going through it myself (I guess we all are on this website) but don't give up, there will be better days, just give it time. Dale, whoever you are, wherever you are, I'm rooting for you and I wish you the very best.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss which is no doubt compounded by the lack of support. I lost my husband recently and although he was in ICU for almost a month it feels like a sudden loss. For the month he was rarely awake and could not talk to me. The day before he died he was alert and talking to me. The next day the hospital called and said he had taken a turn for the worse. I thought he was getting better. I was shocked. They let me climb in bed with him and hold him as he died. I'm glad I was there for him; I'm not sure he knew I was there. It was the hardest thing I've even done watching his chest stop rising, seeing his last breath. I just miss him so much. I thought we would grow old together. We were not able to have children, and now I feel like I don't really have a reason to be here anymore. I feel so alone. I look forward to going to bed at night because if I'm asleep I'm not missing him. Just don't know how to be without him.