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Sudden Loss My SoulMate Of 25+ Years.

Discussion in 'LGBT Loss' started by MobieDC, Jun 25, 2020.

  1. MobieDC

    MobieDC Member

    It's been a week. Not only remaining strong to take care of logistics and the traumatize dog, dealing with his family (not being OUT), etc etc. My life is uprooted. This is all I have strength to write now. I'm all alone in our empty house.
     
  2. MobieDC

    MobieDC Member

    Anyone out there?
     
  3. Jasper

    Jasper Member

    Oh, my gosh!! Being uprooted?? That's saying it nicely. What I hear is, "My life's gone to hell and I don't know what to do with all this." I may be reading a whole lot into this but .... It sounds like not only the dog is traumatized. What a lot to deal with and a lot to carry!! My sincere sympathies and energies go out to you. I hope you are getting support and you are finding at least someone to vent your myriad of feelings to. I do encourage you to voice them here as well as anywhere else you can find. It seems talking things out over and over and over again somehow allows us to find words to put to the feelings we have on the inside. Journalling has been helping me. My husband died May 5th and I'm still lost. Friends have helped but the loneliness along with COVID has done a number on me and all of us. It just exaggerates the loneliness. Hang in there Buddy! I'm with you.
     
  4. MobieDC

    MobieDC Member

    Covid magnifies. Friends stopped calling after first few days. Gay grief is different. Family are homophobic and envious and resented our bond. One hour one moment at a time.
     
  5. edj9

    edj9 Well-Known Member

    My husband and I were very private. It was like a 28 year honeymoon. And when he got sick, I withdrew even more because I was just too tired from taking care of him to deal with all the well-meant, but ultimately useless, “how are you doings?” Not that I was ever very good at asking for help. It’s been over 8 months since he died, and I’m finding that 1-1 counseling and grief groups are preferable to spending time with friends or family, cuz no one really understands, and we end up talking about trivial things when I’d rather just bury my head in my pillow and sob. Your loss is so recent. You must reeling. Do you have access to counseling? I’ve been in therapy for years. I can’t say that it will solve all your problems, but having a safe space to express your feelings, even if it is just an hour a week, can be cathartic, and at least give you something of a schedule to keep you going from week to week.
     
  6. MobieDC

    MobieDC Member

    No counseling. My support group shrinking. People reach out "nosy" and "curious" once they find out its the usual "So sorry ...hang in there" And its tough because not many knew our TRUE relationship. We couldn't be "Out" cause family. And family have proven this past month they homophobe.
     
  7. edj9

    edj9 Well-Known Member

    Ah, that’s very difficult. I’ve found that I can’t really rely on friends or family to be supportive in a way that helps. You found this site, though. Do you find it helpful? There must be other grief groups in your area or on-line. Talking about it doesn’t really make the pain go away, but doing so regularly at an appointed time every week is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going from week to week.
     
  8. MobieDC

    MobieDC Member

    You are helping. :) No one replied to my post for couple weeks. So I appreciate u.
     
    edj9 likes this.
  9. edj9

    edj9 Well-Known Member

    As are you. It takes courage to reach out for help. Thank you for posting and waiting for someone to reply. Message boards have the disadvantage of not always being real-time. I stumbled across this site a while ago, but at the time didn’t have the emotional reserves to read all the heartbreaking messages.

    I just payed for the annual subscription so I could hop into chat. That might provide some more immediate results.