Sudden and unexpected

Karen, I also made a big mistake one
day, by telling Linda she was "a bit odd".
She didn't like that, but I meant it as a
compliment. She was never boring.
Mr. Grief made me choke up on that one.
Linda said I was never boring, either,
and not "beige". I DID take that as a
compliment. Lou

 

Lou,

I'm glad my "signature phrases" make you laugh. I've been saying these things for so long, they've become a habit. I think they've become stale, but I just can't seem to help myself from using them.

You did it again, thanks for making me LMSO!!! Totally enjoyed the "cultural distraction." TU!!! (Trying to spice things up a bit, with this new abbreviated form.)

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I can almost "hear" Ed McMahon saying "Here's Johnny!!!" and Ricky Ricardo saying very loudly, "Honey, I'm home!" Brings back good memories...

P.S.S. Do you have more recommendations for books on grief?

 

Thank you, Deb. I was proud of the
"medicine for the wounded soul" . It just
came out of me spontaneously. Of course,
it may not be original, and I'll be accused
of plagiarism, but I don't care on this
forum! Lou

 

Gary,

You have such a wonderful way of being able to express your feelings. Every time I read something you've said, it gives me lots to think about. I'm so glad, TU!!!, that you stuck around and became part of the GIC Crew. I love the story about the dove... I believe with all my heart that was Cheryl, just as the Jackbird was Jack, and the butterfly was Bob. Our loved ones are watching over us. It's so bittersweet...

I am way beyond proud of you, another TU!!! It's making me smile big time the way you were able to choose love over fear. This is a big step forward... I'm so happy you got together with your uncle. BTW, his story about his five ex-wives has me LMSO too!!! Thank you for sharing this. I can never LMSO enough, another TU!!!

As always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

I'm so proud of you too!!! You just took another BIG step forward in this miserable journey. Reading this is making me smile, TU!!! I'm glad you're almost finished reading the book. TWN should be a must read for everyone struggling to put the pieces of their shattered lives back together after the total heartbreak of losing the one true love of your life. I'm going to give my copy to my friend who lives a couple streets away from me. She read "Permission To Mourn," and cried her way through it. It is another book that I'm so glad Lou recommended to us.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

To The GIC Crew,

I think I still have some catching up to do, but am feeling super wrung out, so in case I don't make it back here tonight, just want all of you to know how much I appreciate each and every one of you, TU!!! (I think even the abbreviated version is beginning to get a bit stale...)

Hope tonight everyone has at least one reason to LMSO... (Gary thanks for the abbreviation. I like it so much, I'm now doing abbreviations too)

In case I don't return... Sleep well...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I meant to say in case I don't return tonight. I can't stay away from here...

 

Deb, Linda was much better at initials
and abbreviations. I didn't get TU, at
first. & I thought you were doing the
more intimate French word, instead of
vous. This time, I was the one who.
blushed! My 1st grief therapist suggested
a book that I never got. It's probably
very good like the 2 books she suggested,
that we're reading now. It's called
"Finding Your Way from Loss to Peace",
by Claire Willis and Marnie Crawford
Samuelson. Just came home from Shack,
& sat alone, watching the Red Sox. Do you
watch sports? I didn't until the Sox got
better. Steven & Betsy left their Rockport
cottage today, to go on a 8 night retreat
( no TV!) for quiet meditation. They need
it after meeting all my friends at once!
They will be back to Rockport, Thurs-
Sat nights, returning to Pa. on Sunday,
Halloween. S&B want to go to Shack one
more night before they go home. They
will text me, but I told them I'm not as
needy as last time, and won't call them.
Lou

 

Deb, I keep blushing when you say my
name in praise. I'm glad to help in any
way I can, just like you & everybody else
have helped me. I think it's wonderful
that all of us share a fun cultural
history, and can make each other laugh. L

 

Deb, kudos to Gary for taking my "sad
off" typo, turning it into the LMSO legend
it has become! We are quite a team. We
should be called " The Grief Warriors".
Wait, I visualize a movie. Al Pacino
can play me. Who will be cast as the
rest of us? Lou

 

What did she mean by that term, beige? And another term, "a bit odd" you meant it as a compliment, I think she knew.

I'm ready to strangle Mr. Grief, let's all strangle grief just for a day. I don't want to be so depressed, grieving at every turn, anymore, but I know Mr. Grief has its own time schedule, but I'm sick of it. I just want to remember and love my husband's memories with good tears, but the loneliness creeps in. I guess it depends on the duration of time everyone has gone through, I'm 1yr Nov, others are prior, others like you Lou, more advanced in the grief process. And all I can say is grief changes in the days, weeks, months and years, I think it's always with us but in a different mentally form. Not sure this makes sense because it's changing for me, not to the better but changing it's course. I'm sorry, I'm just in a very emotional state, I need Deb's tissues--oh well tomorrow is another day--let's all get though it.

You asked if I will get another cat, "Only the Shadow Knows." at this point NO. Prices of keeping a pet NOW is out of site. Good night happy dreams. K

 

Yes, The Grief Warriors.

 

Lou,

This is a first, I must be in extra foggy widow brain mode, because I don't have a clue what you mean by the more intimate French word you though I meant at first. But, and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I'm so sorry if I made you blush!!!

Thank you for mentioning "Finding Your Way from Loss to Peace." I book marked it on Amazon, but will see if I can find it around here first. Books on grief seem to be the only thing I'm able to concentrate on.

Bob was into it all, the Sox, the Bruins, the Celtics, but loved football the most. I was never into these sports, but I like watching the Olympics, especially downhill skiing, figure skating, gymnastics, swimming, and running. Backing up a bit, when our children were growing up, Bob split season tickets to the Patriots with a couple of his friends. When it was his turn to go to a game, he would always bring one of the kids with him. When they were in elementary school, I had them dress in lots of layers. It got so cold at those games!!! I (almost) get frostbite just thinking about it!!! When Bob and the kids were watching a game on TV, I would make them snacks and watch at least some of the games with them. Sometimes a couple of my friends and I would go out for lunch and shopping, leaving the kids and our husbands at home, to enjoy whatever sport happened to be on TV.

It's nice that Steven and Betsy will be back for three more nights, and want to get together at the Shack one more time before they return home. I'm glad that you're doing better this year, and hope that this winter won't be as difficult for you as previous winters have been. I'm struggling big time. I know I'll make it through this winter, but as much as I'm struggling now, I'm dreading it. As the days get shorter, and it's getting darker much earlier, I'm missing Bob even more.... I'm feeling so alone, and lonely... At the same time, I find myself wanting to be alone more. Grieving SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

I woke up, unable to fall back asleep, so stopped by here. I'm getting tired, and think I can finally fall back asleep.

Hope you sleep through the night and don't see this until much later this morning!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

I just read your message to Lou. Sending lots of hugs your way... Lots more I want to say to you, but I'm so fried, I doubt anything I would say would make much sense. I'm struggling tonight too (wait!!! it's already morning here). We will get through this together, and with help from our GIC friends too. GRIEVING SUCKS BIG TIME!!!, Total Understatement!!!

Sending even more hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, what are you doing up at this ungodly
hour? I am writing this at 2:45 am. It's
funny, but I think of a lonely, sad Frank
Sinatra, at a bar, singing "One for my
baby". He is talking to the bartender, Joe.
The song begins: "It's quarter to 3, no one
in the place......". I heard that was Sinatra's
favorite song, not the over used "My Way".
I'll answer Karen now and then go back
to sleep. Hope you can too. Lou

 

Wow, Deb, I didn't expect to see this reply
& your other reply to me & Karen. Happened to wake up in the middle of
the night, as you can see by my other
reply to you. That's quite a story of Bob
taking your kids to a Patriots game. I was
more interested in the Red Sox. When I
was only 7 years old, I went to Fenway
Park with my friends. We had a great time,
seeing the players and the crowd, and
eating hot dogs. Later, in my 20s, I sat
in the bleachers ( the open air cheap
seat) & drank beer & ate hot dogs. I was with my college classmates, who lived
in the Boston area. We knew the names
of every player. It was exciting, bc they
were doing really well. I even liked the
games on TV, even though some people
find them to be slow & dull. Then, I
lost interest until now, while the Sox are
doing well again. Linda liked figure
skating & we watched the married
couples skate, especially. When Linda
was young, she learned to ski on small
hills. I liked to skate & even play hockey
( without a helmet!!). Never learned to
ski, & was afraid of heights. Since you
dread the long, dark, cold, and lonely
winter, I urge you to get the book, Winter
Blues, by Norman Rosenthal. I don't want
to repeat the sad pattern of the last couple
years. Talk tomorrow! Lou

 

Woke up in middle of night as you can see
by my 2 replies to Deb. I was surprised to
see her at 1am, but not you, bc you go to
bed 3 hours later. By beige, Linda meant
I was more of a vibrant color, like red,
blue, or green. She thought beige and white colors were dull. Don't forget, Karen,
a year after Linda's death, I was drinking
more & staying out late. I'm lucky that I
didn't get a broken arm like you did! I did
get very depressed, however. My grief
therapist suggested I stop drinking, and I
did, on Nov.6, 2019. So, yes. in that sense,
I'm farther along in my grief " process"
( I hate that word) than everyone here.
Hope you have pleasant dreams, Karen,
I better go back to bed, Talk tomorrow. L

 

Lou,

Great message... You did it again... You made me laugh, not an easy thing to do today, TU!!! I LOVE!!! "The Grief Warriors!!!" I think we should officially switch from the GIC Crew to The Grief Warriors (TGW for short). It's perfect... We are warriors fighting our way through misery and pain. WE CAN & WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!! I think we should do a GIC vote to see if a name change is on the agenda.

The movie idea still has me laughing... Al Pacino is one of my all time favorite actors. He would make a great "Lou." Unfortunately, all my creative energy has been zapped right out of me, especially yesterday, last night/really early morning today, through this moment. I'm going to think about this... Another one of those TBCs... (if, and this is a BIG IF, I remember!!!).

I hope your morning is off to a good start...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Good morning Grief warriors and GIC night owls. There are intervals of dark clouds and bright sunshine today reflecting my ever changing mood. Zuba writes when we our mourning we must keep telling ourselves we are healing we are healing we are healing… I Received my official letter from the sheriffs department telling me I’ve been chosen for jury duty 11/3. I Have to be interviewed first and it’s only a three day trial. Cheryl’s sister informed me yesterday she is coming Saturday to get the residue of Cheryl’s business. This sister does not live in the area and This could be my final encounter with her. This sister lost her husband to suicide 40 years ago and has never recovered from the loss. She is a very bitter and domineering person and has complicated and challenged many of my decisions. I am praying that I can react to her with love and not fear. I know she is deeply wounded and conceals her pain. I keep reminding myself I want to honor Cheryl. I’m going to get many items close to the door and keep the event to a minimum. I have a lot to do today but I’m going to treat myself to a bike ride before and spend some of my anxiety. At all costs we must hold the line as grief warriors to keep Mr Grief from breaking down the walls. We Will win some and lose some as the battle rages on. Wishing everyone peace. Gary

 

Lou,

I slept on and off yesterday because I felt like garbage, totally wiped out after having to pop 800 mgs of ibuprofen twice. Whenever I get those auras, I feel like I'm in some sort of psychedelic nightmare... Usually I can't sleep during the day, no matter how tired I am. Yesterday was almost a first. I guess I overdid it because I had lots of trouble sleeping last night. I kept waking up, painfully aware of the empty side of the bed where Bob should be... I cried while hugging his pillow. I talked to Bob as if he were lying right next to me. I told him that I am determined to make him proud of me, to find a way to be happy again... I know this is one of the best ways I can honor his memory. I kept thinking about what he always said, "as long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Thinking about this makes me cry even more, but also makes me more determined than ever to do what I can to find some sort of happiness again. Thinking "TGWs..."

Although this is hard to believe, I used to love skiing even though, like you, I'm afraid of heights. I hated chairlifts, but kept reminding myself that I wouldn't be able to ski if I couldn't get to the top of the trails. Once I reached the top, the views were so absolutely gorgeous, that I would erase the chairlift ride temporarily from my mind. One thing I've always wanted to try is cross country skiing.

I think I might buy "Winter Blues" first. I need to find a way to not only survive this winter, but do it without being totally miserable. I book marked a page about the author. Will read it later. Thanks for mentioning this again.

I don't want you to have to go through the misery you suffered through the past couple of winters either. You are such a strong person and always do whatever you can to take the best care of yourself possible. I'm praying this winter is a much better one for you, (another) TU!!!, plus (another) TBC...

Stopping here for now. Made tea this morning. This is almost another first for me. I'll probably switch to coffee after I get back from the grocery store. I'm dreading it today... Christmas displays right along with Halloween displays are everywhere. I have no idea why, but there aren't as many Thanksgiving displays. I might have to wear my sunglasses while shopping. At least it's a bright sunny day. I will bring a purse full of tissues. I think the Kleenex company should thank us for being some of their very best customers!!!

Hope your morning is going well...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

As always, your messages are so moving. I'm going to keep repeating "we are healing, we are healing, we are healing..." over and over and over again, until I can get my heart to believe what my head already knows is true. There is no escaping grief... but, by letting ourselves feel all the emotions inside of us, we are helping ourselves to heal. TGW CAN AND WILL DO THIS TOGETHER!!!

As I said yesterday, if you believe the defendant is already guilty, I think you will automatically be dismissed. I know I can't handle making a decision about something that will impact another person's life in a big way, when I can't even decide what I want to put on when I get up in the morning.

I love your attitude when it comes to Cheryl's sister. I think it's a great idea to get as much stuff as close to the door as possible. Short and pleasant is the best way to go..

I love!!! the last two sentences of your morning message, TU!!! This should be our motto...

I hope you manage to find at least one reason to LMSO, but hopefully more than one today...

As always sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB