I lost my dad on August 31st, 2018 very unexpectedly. He suffered a heart attack and died in his sleep at home. My dad had fought with addiction to pain pills for the last year because of chronic back pain and also suffered from depression because of the sudden loss of his brother years previous. The last year with my dad was very emotional and trying but he made the steps to get better and had been clean and sober for 3 months at the time of his death. He had other underlying health issues that we weren't aware of. We were so happy he was back on track and life was headed back to normal...and then BAM he was gone. I had just started my first semester of college at Oklahoma State University ( 3 1/2 hours away from home) and had planned to travel home the day he died for the weekend. He was excited for my return and had talked to me many times the previous day telling me he felt much better than the last time I was in and he couldn't wait for me to get home. I'll never forget the events 8-31-2018 for as long as I live...I was getting ready for my two early morning classes of the day before heading home when I heard I knock on the door. I was greeted by a campus police officer who told me to go get my phone and call home...my mother needed to talk to me. Through the sobbing my mom told me when she went to wake dad up that morning he was blue. She immediately started CPR and called 911. Within 10 mins pandemics arrived as took over CPR. They continued it for 20 mins and then stopped when they realized there was nothing more they could do. Truthfully by the time my mom found him it was too late. I returned home that day and I am currently still here. I will not be returning to school until January. I live life right now in what I consider survival mode...it takes all I have every day to get out of the bed and go to work. My mind is a revolving door of why, disbelief, and sadness. Everything had gotten so much better...we were headed for great things and now he's gone at the young age of 49. He'll never see me graduate college, he'll never see my sister graduate high school, he won't be here to walk us down the isle, he won't be here to see his grandkids...and so much more. Our first major event without him will be this Friday October 26th, his 50th birthday and then Sunday October 28th, my 19th birthday....and then then the dreaded holidays. I'm just not sure where to go from here..
Sorry to hear about your father. I lost my mother suddenly in May - one week before Mother's Day. We dealt with the first "special" day last month when it was her birthday. This is still something new to you and you will never "get over" it. I think the best we can hope for is to learn to adapt. Fond memories will sometimes comfort you, but may also make you sad when you think that you will not have any more of them with this person. I guess it depends on our perspective. Venting (in person or online) sometimes helps. Others like to keep journals. Still others find comfort in religion. I hope you find whatever it is that will bring you peace.
Don’t be surprised if seeing Officers makes you feel unusual for awhile. It did me. Not dislike, but just different. In fact in retrospective I think that later I felt sorry for them. One of them cried as he went to school with my family member. That was hard.
