Still Grieving

Hello,
I just signed up here. I lost my husband June 8. I miss him so much, and the house is so empty and full of memories.
I have not found a support group. My daughter has been sweet to invite me out. This picture on my profile was to a gala she included me in. Nice but just awkward. I go out with women friends occasionally- but nothing satisfies. I just miss my husband and feel despair.

 

Nell, it's so hard, isn't it? I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieving goes on far longer than anyone let's on. Eventually, we put on a false face because others get uncomfortable with our grief. I find that people dont want to talk about him, but I still do. I used to try and not make others uncomfortable by not telling stories but realized, I needed to talk about him. So, now I do it anyway, whether they like it or not. Also, i started talking out loud to him when I'm alone. I like to think he hears me.

 

Nell
Sorry to hear about your loss!
I think friends give temporary relief though that is also important ...but its your own battle...you will really have to fight against yourself.I have started to train my mind.The moment I feel I m getting into that whirlpool of pleasant memories...I quickly divert my attention to something else..which at times helps.
I also talk loud to him as BrownEves mentioned..I get angry with him...beg him.
You got to help yourself

 

I agree our anniversary and her birthday are the same day so I am on edge waiting for that. In the store the other day and I reach for things Iwould buy for her weekly and dont have to any more

Thats a wonderful story. I think about how my wife and I met and I get so sad because I think about how pretty she is and her personality! I miss being a happy person I am now just a phony acting happy when I am torn up inside. I cant tell how I really feel when some asks how are you today. If I told the truth then they would avoid me even more. My wife was the only one who understood me and knew me . I have our two little dogs who are great company but I feel that they hurt like I do. It hasnt been 2 months but I at time dont know how to shoulder this alone.

 

I agree I feel like the elephant in the room and I just want my life back. This is such a awful thing to go through especially because the only person I ever counted on is gone........smiles are rare but it has happened and yes I go to support groups and have a therapist those are okay but I realized I am on my own. I have prayer and her family who are helpful and I come here it is helpful too. thanks

 

Mike
Another thing my grief counselor had me do was to go to the grocery store and only pick out items for myself for the week. Whenever food and drink were comforting to me, regardless of diet. It was weird because I wanted to grab items he loved, but I didn't. I felt very selfish. But that was the exercise, to put me first, to take care of me. It was hard. Sometimes, we forget about ourselves because of the grief brain. My shopping cart was filled with mostly chocolate and chips. But in a weird way, it did give me a little comfort. Plus, I could just see my love looking at that cart and laughing and being happy I was thinking of myself.

 

I am only 45 days into this nightmare I miss my Isabel so much and it seems like folks think its a light switch and all is good. I just want our lives back we had a future filled with happiness how the hell do I push this aside?

 

You dont. That's the problem. They say you have to work thru the stages of grief. I'm still stuck on anger and it's been 4 years. I dont even know who my anger is directed at. God, the Universe, me, life, his ex ( she added stress when he was sick), his son (more stress added, addict). He was so happy with me, I know stress accelerates cancer and I partially blame both of them. My grief counselor had me write a letter to his ex (never to send) I'm on page 8! He was my college sweetheart and we had reconnected. I was finally happy, truly happy. How to you begin again when the best part of you is gone?

 

exactly the best part of me gone it took me 32 years to find her and I only get 14 years of bliss. Then agian what about her I hope she is ok she had so much to live for everyone loved her!! I wonder what she is going through I am sure worries for me as I do for her. I think the process goes both ways I am sure she is with family but she also has to look back at all of us? I wish I knew for sure I want to tell her so many things I just want to comfort her

 

I bought Kay her weekly flowers. Saint, I do enjoy your in your face attitude and I am generally pissed off. I have backed off from that but only in its own time. Lucky no jail time from this phase. Keep up the good work girls. I like what and how you say it !!!

 

Mike
I don't think this wound is ever going to heal.Yes..we can keep aside for sometime..but there is constant sadness..quietness deep within. I keep training my mind...keep telling myself...its ok..this too shall pass..but pass to where?Gosh..never ever to see your partner...this is a sinking feeling...26 wonderful years
spend together...

 

Hey guys, today it has been 3 months since my wife passed. I can't say it is any worse than other days. I find myself talking to her and channeling a lot of my emotions into "our" conversation including anger. The only problem is many of these conversations are repeats from previous days. I found myself in the first month literally in a state of shock - how can this be? Did this really happen? Now reality has set in and yes, she really is gone and you are all alone. The pain of losing her is still there but as I told her many times while she was battling cancer, time to put your big boy (girl!) pants on. So now that is what I am trying to do. To all of you, if you asked your loved one what you should do, they would look you straight in the eye and tell you to always love them and hold the memories close to your heart but you need to move on. Much like I depended on my wife for support, there are other people that are depending on me. Yea, some days the best I can do is put my smiley face on and tell everyone I'm ok. My wife's cancer friend went into hospice they same day my wife passed. Two weeks ago her husband stopped by to inform he that is wife was dying and that the door was open if I wanted to stop down and see her. Hell no! I went home thinking why on earth would I do that. My wife cared for this person so much and always told me she could not handle it if her friend died. Ah yes, the big boy pants discussion. I went down to visit her and she recognized who I was. Her friends had said this is the first time she was awake all day. I did this because my wife would have wanted me to. Her friend passed two days later. Her husband told me that his wife wanted me to be a pall bearer and he would understand if I said no. Once again I put my big boy pants on and said I would be honored. This wasn't easy for me but when I got home, I just knew my wife was saying thank you and gave me a big hug from heaven. So yea, we owe it to our wife/husband to find that special place in our hearts for the memories we had together. But also remember that while we are here on earth we will be part of someone else's memories as well. Next time you talk to your loved one, be sure to ask them what they would want you to do - I think you know the answer.

 

That is what I too think the wound may heal then what? The outcome is the same no Isabel after all we worked for together! The sinking feeling I have is a hole opening up inside me and it consumes me with despair! We only had 14 years and she was only 43 just that will tear me apart every time. I wish you well I will say hang in there I am sure we will see our loved ones again! My faith has gotten stronger as I pray for all of us take care!

 

Thats where I find myself my wife hasnt been gone for long it has not been 2 months. I admire you for the gift of courage you gave your wife and others around you.
I also came to the conclusion that others are depending on me to help them through our loss. I like when you said ask that question I also agree I know the answer thank you

 

Mike
I have stopped using Terms like Faith..prayer...may be temporarily...
I feel one who is gone is just GONE.
I got EFT (Emotional Freedom Treatment)
done.It did give temporary relief but I guess... all the answers...treatment...therapies lies within you.Unless you want to get treated nobody can help you.I started training my mind.I use to avoid those situations or those topics which reminded me of my husband..but while walking on the road sometime I do come across people who either look like him or dress up like him or walk like him...what to do then? Again start from the scratch.....

 

Good point.

 

My husband died in chi st Vincent hospice, 3 months ago, after 2 weeks of COPD agony in ICU and I just thought it was just another episode. he was so brave, much braver than I could ever be and I am in a daze. I can hardly leave the house.....everywhere I look I see and hear him, everything in the house reminds me of him, today I looked for a warranty in the files and he was keeping cards I had made for him in the appliance file, sooo sweet and so sad ....he is in everything....this is despair. Will I ever get over this?

 

What is emotional freedom treatment?