Spouse. Caregiver. Widow. What now?

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Penster, Nov 7, 2019.

  1. Penster

    Penster Guest

    I lost my first husband to cancer in 2009. I met someone special in 2010 but lost him to cancer in 2017.

    I’ve been a partner, wife, caregiver & a widow. I know I’ll never be the same again and some of that is sad but some of that is also good.

    My concern is who I will be when I decide it’s ok to go back out into the world...if I ever do.
    It’s a struggle between acceptance that I’ve already had the best & there’s nothing out there for me ... and trying to go on & maybe have one more “best friend” before I depart this life.

    How do you know which way to go?
    TinyMamalava and Heshi8064 like this.
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    I have always been a believer of making plans and guiding your own destiny. Since my loss I am allowing some of life to happen. I am just too worn out to make it happen my way. You need to listen to your body and soul. You will guide yourself into being who you are. You are defined by your life experiences, and yours have been mostly loving, so continue that path. You will not be able to live without caring...about something or someone. You will make all the right choices. Don't over think it.
  3. linda weiner

    linda weiner New Member

    i lost my husband in april after 25 years of marriage. it was a second marriage for both of us and a true love affair. he had multiple sclerosis but was doing very well for quite awhile. the disease began to progress and for the last 8 years he was bedridden. his mind was clear and i was his total caregiver...it was a labor of love. in the end he contracted pnemonia and his body was too weak to fight it off. he passed away at home in my arms. i am 75 years old and totally along without him. the days and nights are long and lonely and the passage of time does not seem to make it more palatable. i miss him terribly and don't know what to do to get through each day. what will become of me?
    TinyMamalava likes this.
  4. Penster

    Penster Guest

    I lost my last “best friend” at home also. I try to find comfort in the fact that “ I was there for him “. You showed up. You did your job. Now we have to take care of ourselves.
    TinyMamalava likes this.
  5. GrammyJoyce

    GrammyJoyce New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to lung cancer in July. We had been together 20 years, second marriage for both of us. I am 70 years old. I was his caregiver until he went into hospice and it was very hard. I loved him dearly so I am thankful that I could help him. But now I find that I still need to be caring so I will be volunteering at our local food bank. Maybe some volunteer work in your neighborhood will keep the loneliness at Bay? Also, do you know about GriefShare?
    JMD and TinyMamalava like this.
  6. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I lost my husband to a complication of lung cancer treatment in July. I feel lost without him and the days and weekends seem so long. His death was unexpected and I lost him within 12 weeks. It was like trying to hold water in my hands. I cared for him in every way possible. Loved him so deeply. I am grateful as well that I could help him through his illness, it was hard to see him suffer and be scared. He did not want to die, but he was so brave throughout everything. I would take care of him for another hundred years if I could. I am trying to find things to do that have meaning and that also honor his life. I belong to GriefShare and also have a grief counselor, and that all helps. The hardest thing I have ever had to do. Praying for all of our peace.