Son was Stillborn at 33weeks.

Discussion in 'Loss of Child' started by Chellmarrie, Sep 17, 2019.

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  1. Chellmarrie

    Chellmarrie New Member

    On September 12th I went into labor at 33 weeks. Going to the hospital was excited to meet my handsome son Zaythen. Never in a million years did I expect to hear the words " I'm sorry but there's no heartbeat, he has passed. " My world came crashing down around me. The flood of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks . As all the nurses are prepping the delivery room , I lay there silently crying think how I was ever going to give birth to to my son knowing he wouldn't be taking his first breath. The nurses try to talk me thru the process and tell me what to expect. My mind's rambled and I can hardly understand . When the time came to push we all prepared for what comes next. My son had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. That's what caused him to pass. When they handed me my little angel , i put him to my chest and told him I loved him. I held I'm tight in my arms . The emotions that I experienced are one I never knew existed . He was perfect . I couldn't stop looking at his little face and seeing so much of myself in him. As I sit here 4 days later I still haven't packed his stuff up. Everythings still in the same place. I can't seem to put it away. His swing, bouncer, bassinet, and stuffed animals are still in my room where I placed them waiting his arrival. I have no idea what to do next. When does the crying get better and the pain in my chest ease up?
     
  2. Chynna_lopez

    Chynna_lopez New Member

    Hi Chellmarrie,

    I know exactly how you feel. It wasn’t recent but still feels fresh like it was yesterday, I lost a son too. His name was supposed to be Jacob Jesus Lopez. But at the time they asked me what I wanted to name him and i could not talk. I had a Trach due to my lungs collapsing so I could not talk. But he ended up being named Alejandro Jesus Lopez. I did not talk about him nor let anyone talk to me about him, it was too painful. When I came home there was nothing there to even remind me of him. My mom got rid of everything before I got home from the hospital with out my permission and gave everything She could not return to my neighbor who had, had a baby boy as well. That just made everything harder and made me feel so selfish, Because I was angry And hurt every time I seen her. I wanted to take everything back but her baby needed them as much as I did. I say you keep his stuff around as long as you want until you are healed and are ready to put them away. I wish I could have grieved and kept my sons things and done as I see fit with them when I was ready. He passed in 2009, and I am still aching and grieving silently. this is my first step to finding a grieving group, I think I am finally ready. As for the pain and crying, it doesn’t go away it just get easier to carry. I suggest talking about it and finding a support group or talking to a therapist. I never did and I wish I would have, I would have a lot less pain and crying in my life since then.

    Chynna