I am lost. In the past 4 months I feel like my life has shattered. Right before Christmas my husband and I were told we would never be able to have a child after trying for a very long time. A week later my mother went into the hospital and was very sick. We spent 3 months trying to find out what was happening. The whole time I was still trying to process what the doctors had told my husband and I and also watching my mom die. She went from the stubborn woman who wouldn’t go to the doctor to being told she has a very long list of terminal and acute life threatening problems at 59. She was gone 3 months later. They couldn’t find the cancer until 4 days before she passed when we were back in the hospital. Lung cancer that has spread everywhere. She only lived with that knowledge for 4 days. That I am thankful for. She was always so terrified of dying of lung cancer. Now I understand why. I watched her go from talking to going into cardiac arrest in a instant. And just like that she was gone. Holding my hand looking in my eyes and just gone. It was not peaceful, it was quick but not peaceful. My mother was single and I am an only child. She was not close with any of her family and I feel completely alone in my loss and grief for her. My mother was in the hospital for 5 days at the end. The day she went into the hospital my grandmother on my fathers side passed away. She was 83 and also had cancer. Six hours after she passed my mother went into the hospital. The next day we were finally told that they had found a mass in her lungs and that it has spread everywhere and that we were very much on borrowed time. They were right and she was gone so quickly. My fathers side of the family is much closer so my dad and his siblings traveled to be by my grandpa's side and support each other. I was not able to go see all the family and remember my grandmother like they were because I was very far away watching my mother die. I have not had the same support because I am the only one who really cared about my mother and was actually in her life. I have nothing left. I am empty. I also don’t have life distractions that might be helpful right now. With all of this happening so stacked on top of each other I haven’t even begun to process how it all started just before Christmas. The loss of the idea of the family I wanted. The loss of my grandmother and ultimately the loss of my mother. I look at a photo of me and the 3 generations of women before me and realize there is no more life. They are all gone and it is just me.