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So much grief

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by MoonandBack, May 15, 2021.

  1. MoonandBack

    MoonandBack New Member

    I'm in my late 50's and my husband who was my everything died of prostate cancer April 2019 after battling for 4 years. When he was diagnosed his prognosis was terminal. The treatment was aggressive but the cancer was even more aggressive. There were times that he felt pretty good but most of the time he put on a good show and we lived life as normally as we could.

    Now for more background...my mother was an alcoholic who died of brain cancer in 2014 and my father was a verbally and physically abusive man who died in 2017 of COPD. During that time I also lost my aunt who was close as a sister and 2 months after my husband died, my aunt who was my bonus mom died. 1 year later another uncle died. At this point all of the people that I grew up with have died. And in such a short amount of time!

    While the death of all of them has been extremely difficult, I never really got to grieve any of them because I was caring/cheerleading my husband through his illness. Now, after 2 years I still miss him terribly. He is my first and last thought every day.

    A man that I met shortly after his death started showing a lot of interest in me a few months ago. Very good looking and 15 years younger! I am incredibly flattered and have had coffee with him but realize that I am just not ready.

    I started seeing a therapist a few months after my husband's diagnosis. I felt that what I was trying to work through was accomplished so I stopped. A few months after he died I went to a widow's grief retreat which was helpful and then began therapy with a different therapist. I just feel really lost right now. I don't know how to reconcile my feelings about any of this. I am at a loss of where to even start. I want to reach out here and try to connect with others who may be feeling similarly.
     
  2. LinF

    LinF Member

    My husband was 64 when he passed on in April. He had multiple health issues, but he always rallied and came home from a hospitalization. Not this time. My overwhelming grief and sadness is amplified by the circumstances of neglect from the medical establishment we trusted to help him. I still cry randomly most days, still dealing with paperwork and just running the household in general. I talk to him out loud, mostly about daily things, just to make me feel like he's still watching over me. Eventually I hope I will find the time to search for a grief therapist-this man was my once in a lifetime and I don't know what I'll do without him. Talking about him here helps because no one in my life seems to realize how much I need to do that, how much I need to know that he's not been forgotten so soon. You have a lot of company here-stay strong.
     
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  3. tgotyall

    tgotyall Well-Known Member

    I am truly sorry for your loss and probably sure even though it’s been two years probably still feel like it happened yesterday. I know for myself that it’s going on 16 months since my wife passed away from Esophagus cancer at 59 years young. Every day I wake up every night before I put my head to rest I just think I can’t believe what my wife went through with trying to live and the question of why probably will never escape us. It is of course the most difficult part of life watching our loved ones pass away like you but not in that short of time over a period of six years I lost my mom and dad then my uncle who was a second dad to me at 74 and then my wife I feel like an orphan and there are days my wife said I don’t want you to feel lost without me but I know that you will and she was so right. There are days when you feel like all hope is gone no joy to be found no light in the darkness and you just hold on you don’t let go can you just put 1 foot in front of the other can you make it through another day my tears don’t fall as often I feel that I am just in better control of my emotions this grieving is a long process and I know our spouses would want us to do the best that we can and this is all we can do.I Like all Of you miss my wife every single day. We may never know why but we all are united by our hurt our tears ,why that devastation and destruction decided to come into our lives and we are maybe just not to know but there is a God and he is probably the only one who can bear the weight of that. I have been angry with God I know I have to keep the faith where for it is by faith that we will see our loved ones again. Be strong and very courageous God bless you
     
    Van Gogh likes this.