Shocked finding out someone I loved died many years ago

Thank you. Thanks for reminding me how much worse it would be if I were still drinking. Holy moly, I feel so crazy now, but I know I can be a lot crazier drinking. I never really had any closure with him. Thanks for your kind words, they really help calm my soul.

 

That’s a strange rule. I read that at the cemetery I visit, they take everything away at the end of March so if people want their stuff, they can get it. But they didn’t take away anything I left. I am actually going tomorrow.

That actually makes no sense because there are often multiple items left by a grave. I think it’s good to give yourself an emotional break. I guess it’s kind that f like that break you feel when you’ve been crying really hard and finally stop and are exhausted.

Maybe it will help if we take a break and stop trying so hard to figure out why or what if. Often when I focus on something else or someONE else, I end up getting answers or insights or just a peace of mind that I wouldn’t have acquired by trying on my own.

 

I still talk to Linda out loud every day. I tell her that she is still remembered. All the others that knew her probably filed her away decades ago. It does make me feel better, and for some reason, I believe she appreciates it somehow. That may be wishful thinking on my part, but I do feel it.

I am always here for all of you too.

 

I believe she does appreciate it. Nothing wrong with wishful thinking. Since we cannot prove either way, why not believe what helps us deal. There has to be more after this. The life we are living now could be after another life we already lived and don't even know it. Saying it out loud does make a difference. Have you experienced anything that could be a sign from her? There are so many ways but I honestly believe there are signs that we may not even realize

 

Yes! It is that type of break. I feel like yesterday was his funeral. I feel a bit of peace, (for now) but just sad but I think I have been thinking of him almost 24/7 for months its like all that time I was having real memories of him. Its a very confusing feeling. The feeling of peace is very sad. I've known I guess without admitting it to myself that no matter what I cannot bring him back. Been fighting it for so long. Maybe thats acceptance, but I tell you it SUCKS You guys know what I mean, which is so helpful!

 

Bonnie, how are you doing? I am so sorry I was in my own little world that last few days but I hope you know we are all here for you too and anything you need to vent or talk about we are all here

 

I believe there is more after this too. I think we are in a small place, and we move to a "larger" space. Nature destroys or wastes nothing.

 

Acceptance is what we are all moving toward. And it is a slow journey. I went through this with my daughter. It eventually happens, and I don't think it was a reaction to anything I did. One component of it is the appreciation that our loved one does not want us to suffer like this. Then you fell love more than you feel loss and grief.

 

I have been all about the date of his passing and now realizing he died on Memorial Day in 2003 and the date the 31st was the date of his funeral I still wonder why it was posted in the paper AFTER the funeral. Maybe they didnt want too many people to know because of how it happened. Ill never know

 

I am surprised there was no obituary for Linda. I searched every possible source that would have run obituaries like this, and there is nothing. That unsettles me. It makes me feel like nobody thought she was important enough. Her parents were devastated, and I understand that as I went through the same thing. But they could not have been that dysfunctional. And besides, the funeral home usually takes care of that for you. This really upsets me.

 

I think it is very possible that there was an obituary that just isn’t available online. Looking online I’ve read false information about people. I’ve also searched for an obituary for my friend’s mom who died in 1992, and found nothing. There is an obit for his dad who died in 2018.

 

They may have wanted it to be private, possibly because of what you said.

 

His I found was a general one that was on a miscellaneous site. Just happened to come across it.. here is the link if you want to check, It is for all states I saw his there and it was so crappy I emailed them and asked them if I could redo it a little so they let me hopefully both of you can find them on here at least its worth a shot!
https://www.genealogybuff.com/ucd/webbbs_config.pl/noframes/read/2680

 

Also I found this site that you can do your own obit for anyone and its free. I did it for Mike no one looks at it of course unless they search him it comes up on google but still, it was nice to be able to make this even just for myself. Every once in a while I will go on and add a thought or song lyrics. I really think this would be great for you guys to try too

https://everloved.com/

 

Did you just type the name in? I’m having trouble with this site.

 

I took a day off yesterday and visited his grave again. Fourth time. It’s a two and a half hour drive each way. A pretty scenic drive which is nice. On the way I saw a dirt bike on a rack on the back of a car. The dirt bike had his first name painted on the side. He loved riding dirt bikes and took me for a wild ride down a long steep hill one time. Also, I was driving behind a Chevy Silverado (he had one) with a bumper magnet that said “watch out for motorcycles”. He loved motorcycles, and there is one embossed on his grave marker. Once again I felt peace there. I played music and switched out three painted stones for new ones I had painted with the moon, stars, and shooting star. I left the other four that have held up really well in rain and snow. It looked like nobody had been there in awhile. I picked some buttercups and placed them on his parent’s grave. They were very accepting of me which was not the case of my parents with him.

Today I was sad and angry. The reality of it is settling on me. I don’t want to put him in a box out of my mind again.

 

I.forgot how i.found it. i tried again. issues with site it said. I may have googled his name with obit or date of death and found it that wzy

 

You had a lot of signs today! That is the wonderful part! He knows how far u come to see him. Thats amazing the rocks survived the weather. It is really peaceful to go, but makes it so real too. That was thoughtful.forbthe parents flowers too

 

Thanks for the link. I have been there before. They really only have data from 1995 forward. Her's would have been in 1983.

 

I will try that.