She may have been a dog, but she was the best friend I ever had.

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by RobusWhiteWolf, Nov 17, 2018.

  1. RobusWhiteWolf

    RobusWhiteWolf New Member

    Her name was Sophie. I had her since Christmas of 2005 and she was the one thing I was living for. I got bullied a lot and for most of my life she was my only friend. I've been to plenty of therapists for my mental problems, but she was the only thing that calmed me down. She was always there for me. Even if my own family wasn't.

    I came home from an after church activity and she was acting funny. I thought it was because she was old and probably didn't feel too good. She had those moments every now and then, but it only ever lasted for a couple of minutes. About an hour later, she threw up. That was when I realized something was really wrong. She NEVER throws up. I had the feeling that it might be her time, so I comforted her and read her one of the stories I wrote. I NEVER let anyone read my stories and my parents were in the room. A few years ago, I wrote a tribute poem for when she passed, so I read it out loud for the first time to her. I'm glad I did, because five minutes later she was gone. I tried to give her CPR and rescue breaths (I'm into veterinary medicine and I knew how to properly do that on a dog) but she was already fading and the was nothing ANYONE could've done. She was in my arms and looking directly into my eyes when she passed.

    To other people, she was a wonderful and loving pet. To me, she was my baby, my mommy, my guardian angel, my best friend, and the greatest joy I ever had.

    RIP
    Sophie Loki Houndini Nolan
    October 27, 2005 - August 12, 2018
    Best Friend, Mother, Councilor, and Beloved Pet
     

    Attached Files:

  2. Dinah Love

    Dinah Love New Member

    Sending you much love and healing. I've had to cope with the sudden loss of a pet, and now that I'm coping with the sudden loss of my fiance, I would not survive without my 2 dogs. It's terrible to lose an innocent that depends on you.
     
    RobusWhiteWolf likes this.
  3. Tanya Lisa

    Tanya Lisa New Member

    I’m so sorry for your loss.
    I lost my soul mate who was a dog. Sometimes I just couldn’t breathe. I’d cry anywhere and everywhere. It took me a good three years before I started to feel some relief.

    Two things helped me the most.

    First, I found a pet loss grief group. I don’t like groups at all but this group was totally different. Everyone understood. It helped to know I wasn’t the only one experiencing debilitating grief at the loss of my fur baby.

    Second, it actually helped me to get another dog. There are so many homeless pets (dogs) that NEED people like us. They’re waiting...

    Since then I’ve experienced too many lost pet lives to count but it doesn’t matter. I made a difference in their lives and they made a bigger difference in mine.

    Finally, you might think about volunteering at an animal shelter. I know you mentioned you’re a vet tech but again, those dogs need people like us.

    Just please, please know that you’re not alone. I completely understand how you feel. I get it...

    <3
     
  4. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I’m so sorry that you lost someone you loved so dearly. Unconditional love from our animals is something that is so precious. My dog is so comforting right now during this time of grief of the loss of my husband. She knows when to come and sit in my lap when I’m staring off into space thinking of him. I look down and realize she’s been there, sometimes I don’t remember her getting there.

    And I have also experienced deep grief at losing my own dog previously, as well as other elderly animals. Your loss is just as important as any other. Big hugs to you.
     
  5. Jasminem_

    Jasminem_ New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I remember what it felt like to lose a pet I loved so dearly and it broke my heart. I also felt like my pain was not validated because it was “just a pet.” It made it hard to grieve. Just so you know, your pain is JUST as important <3 You had Sophie for such a long time. Sending hugs your way.
     
  6. RobusWhiteWolf

    RobusWhiteWolf New Member

    First, I don't get to get out much. The internet is the furthest out I can get most of the time. Second I want to adopt, but my parents won't let me. Third, she was my soulmate as well. I'm completely straight, but I was in love with that dog. I don't know how to breathe without her. I still cry myself to sleep every night. I still reach for her spot on my bed. I still call out her name when I've had a bad day, and it still kills me every time when I don't hear the jangling of her tags, running to my side to make me feel better. Today was Christmas...I went to her grave and sang for her. I told her how much I missed her. How much I still need her. How much it still hurts...
     
  7. Dark Veil

    Dark Veil Member

    Love is love, and not everyone loves us more than a canine can! My deep condolences. I’ve had my heart ripped out by many of my dogs who have passed.
     
  8. Dark Veil

    Dark Veil Member

    You may like this article published in the Thought Collection Art and Literary Review:

    Thought Notebook Home >
    Literary Columns

    IN A HEARTBEAT

    Published December 17, 2015 -
    Paula Marie Deubel

    You were too beautiful, I thought, and rich with life to be capable of losing it. I loved you far too much for you to die. I was an adult child still believing in an axiomatic Santa, lost in the wonder of that last hopeful hour, the final time of believing in miracles.

    Oh, what passions, what powerful intensities smoldered between us as I knelt in the wine-colored grass and wept over you. You slightly raised your head. Our eyes met like two spirits standing in a private room of the holy, as if lost within rare moments belonging to heaven, assuredly without end.

    A staggering love and intimacy passed like an ethereal chain between us and I selfishly clung to the slipping links.
    Your broken body never to rise again – I think we both knew – but your eyes, flaming, spoke directly to my soul in a language deeper than words.

    “Goodbye, forever. I’m not sure but think I’m leaving you … go on, without me, until the end of your long days and carry me inside of you.”

    “Of course, my angel – it will be easy to carry you! You’re not yet gone. Look how alive and real you are, still deeply breathing. Laying here, my pet, so sleepily in my arms, I know you’re not a dream, nor anything imaginary. I gather your torn body even closer to mine, touch you, and feel your warmth …”

    I am kissing your blazed forehead; your eyes are aglow – full of stark pain. They know me, your eyes, and crave my existence. Your rich blood is scarlet on my cloths and in my fingers. I can't possibly imagine this moment with you could end. It’s too real, too intensely vivid, if only in direct contrast to its opposite that I hope shall never come.

    In a heartbeat the wind stiffens and dull rain clouds pass over a June sun. I grasp you tighter – dark eyes widen and your eager mouth opens suddenly seeking more air. Another moment passes, or maybe a year, your great heart beat quickens. Only another flash of time – one single more heartbeat – marks that unique point of abrupt division into the passageway of eternal loss.

    I am now crouched completely alone under veils of darkness and it will rain only on me.

    I imagine I hear your light footfall during the night or see your bleeding shadow still lying in the grass. I hear the jingle of your bright red harness and it is only the wind.

    I was mistaken about reality, for you are, after all, a haunting dream and I can only distantly imagine you from this time onwards. You are already that far. I will never touch you again.

    Hours ago, our loyal bond was the strongest power on earth, until death proved itself – it is the strongest force in the world, not us. It shattered our alliance against both our wills. But what to do with the love that is still frantically burning? Where do I place the sacred embers of such a fierce pain? Where do we put something as undeniable as that?

    Your ashes will have gone through fire, too, and be brought to me in an urn – you – in a physically altered form will return to me, but the spark that was really you – Vanished. The creature I loved with all my heart, how can you no longer be?

    Love makes time pass by quickly, but time makes love pass, too. Those were words to a song I once heard before I even knew you, and I sang them long before I found you – by accident, or fate, or whatever it is that makes so few of us in this world randomly find each other. I cradled your small body in my hands then, a sprite young animal, just as I cradled your great head in my arms when that same force came back for you again.

    And now you are only dust.

    When I stare up into the reeling night sky, why do I see you as a dazzling star shining on me? I try to find you up in those blue-black heavens and follow your light when I walk down the old parkway paths we used to walk. Such light traces of your footprints are also hidden in the pain of my art brush beginning a new canvas, and your image is barely hidden in the spaces of this page.

    You have forced me to remember all the other ones, barely recalled, those I’ve forgotten to keep in mind who still reside in me. They, too, are but dusty, beautiful dreams. Some of them were people and some were humble creatures such as you. Some are not even dead but, nevertheless, gone for life. I carry so many of them; the inside of me is full of their cobwebs. As life goes on, more dust gathers and the cobwebs grow.

    We start to feel strangely imaginary in the end, when everything we’ve ever known turns into dream and the only things we carry are banners of love.

    We’ll go on to the same place. That is where you’ll wait for me as you turn slowly into myth. You may not even know that you’re waiting for me, but you are. At the same everlasting plot. And that’s a place, or non-place, that is permanent, the only short story that is real.

    Published By: Thought Collection Publishing/Art: “A Bedlam of Border Collies at Rainbow Bridge” by Paula Marie Deubel
     
  9. Joanna!

    Joanna! Member

    Robus, I'm so glad you experienced unconditional love! Some people never do. Grief is grief and when we loose someone we love that was there for us every day it is a profound hurt. Sophie would want you to take care of yourself and to go on. I liked the response of possibly volunteering at an animal shelter. It would be good for you to get out; I know my grief has turned me into a hermit. My husband recently passed and we were not able to have children. If it wasn't for my dog, Millie, I would feel completely alone. Perhaps one day you will find a new dog to give you unconditional love. I know it's probably too soon to think about that right now. But Sophie would not want you to be alone. Please take care of yourself and know that the rush of feelings that accompany grief is normal.
     
  10. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

     
  11. Ray G.

    Ray G. Well-Known Member

    Sophie was your best friend and I am glad. I have my 2nd wifes dog
    Bandit and I love that Pug and I am glad you had a great dog in your life, that Sophie was so special to you.
    Remember,
    dog spelled backwards is God.