Saying good bye but will see you later

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Chihuahualover, Jan 16, 2020.

  1. Chihuahualover

    Chihuahualover New Member

    My name is Darlene. I lived with my mom for 46 years, save the one year I was married. Ten years ago, my mom started with vascular dementia. Somehow, I went from being her daughter to being a full time care giver. At first, it wasn't too hard and was manageable. As the dementia progressed though? It got harder and harder. Towards the end? It was a real challenge.
    My mom collapsed and I found her on the floor. She was rushed to the hospital where the prognosis was not good. She was moved to an end stage board and care on Tuesday, January 7. On Wednesday, January 8th? My mom drew her last breath. My heart hasn't stopped hurting but I am confused.
    My mom had no will so I am having to pick up the pieces again. I took care of my mom 24/7 without a break for 10 years. I had no help from anyone, not once. I miss my mom in the worst way but then I find myself being angry with her for all the work and extra stress created over the house and her not having a will. Does it ever end?
    I feel guilty for being angry then, I feel sorrow at lising my mom.
    I find myself irritated at her not going to the doctor before all of this happened so she could've gotten better or at the very lwast, more confortable. Yet, she's not here now. Has anyone gone through similar circumstances? What helped you get through the hard times?
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    First of all, you are in the depths of grief. It will take time for you to sort out your feelings. I was very angry with my husband for leaving me when he passed. he promised not to do that. You have no guilt in anything your mother did. You took care of her the best you could. You have to stop playing the 'what if" game. the game is over but you have to pick up the pieces of 'you' so your life will be meaningful. What helped me was caring for a pet. I am a natural caregiver and I need to do that to feel whole. Look for a grief support group in your area. Sounds like me yo need to talk