Recently lost my fiance to suicide

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Alexus Hinkle, Mar 27, 2017.

  1. Alexus Hinkle

    Alexus Hinkle New Member

    My name is Alexus, 21, and a expecting mother.
    A few days ago the father of my unborn child, fiance, best friend, other half, the love of my life committed suicide out in front of my apartment when he shot himself in the head in his vehicle that was parked in front of mind. We were arguing throughout the week about the most stupidest things. He has never brought up suicide til that day. I was the last person to see him and talk to him. I thought we were okay because he said he was going back to his aunts house after we layed in bed together. I was getting video calls from him after he left my house. He had a gun in his mouth I clicked off the video. He called again and was talking crazy about how he was going to pull a gun out on the police. He didn't like to be around the police at all. I hung up and called his mother saying that he needs to get some help. After his mother called me I heard the gunshot outside and fell to my knees crying. His family is blaming me for his suicide. Everyone keeps telling me that it was his choice to make. He was so happy when we found out I was pregnant. Our first child together. He had never acted like that before. Everything reminds me of him. I haven't stopped crying. I went to my doctor and suggested to see a counselor because I'm high risk of having a miscarriage.
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Alexus, I am so very sorry for your loss. There is no easy way to lose someone we love, but when a person loses a loved one to suicide I find they are always left with more questions and more feelings of responsibility (or what they feel they should or shouldn't have done). This sounds like an especially traumatic loss, and as it happened just a few days ago I'm sure you are reliving it every moment of every day. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself and seeing your doctor, and I personally feel that a counselor can be a good idea for anyone, but especially those that are coping with loss. I know you said his family is blaming you, so you need to find those who are going to be supportive of you and your child. Help sometimes comes from the most unexpected places.
    Grief is a very long road, and a sudden and traumatic loss often needs more time to work through the shock and disbelief. There may be times even months or years from now where it still feels like it was all a bad dream.
    As a bereavement counselor I have walked with many people on this grief journey, and while everyone's timeline is different and every experience is different, I have found that for everyone in time...the grief will never go away and they will never get over it, BUT the sharp and acute pain these early days of grief brings soften a bit with time. Sometimes that's all we can hope for and work towards.
    In the meanwhile, I encourage you to continue to take care of yourself and your baby in any way that you can, and I truly wish you well. I know it will be a very long road in the days ahead but we are here, and I am glad you have found a safe place to come for support. Please take care~
  3. MintyCrunch

    MintyCrunch New Member

    I sorry you are going through this. Being pregnant is hard and crazy even under the best of cirxumstances. And now you have trauma with a child on the way. Becoming a parent is hard enough, but to do so under this cloud. Recognize you are facing something harder than what most people wven have access to.

    I am going to put a thought in your head, and I hope you will consider it. From what you deacribed it sounds like you may have been in a relationship that was abusive. The way that things unraveled and the manner with which he terrorized before before pulling the trigger; I think he wanted to hurt you. My mother would start up with attempts to hurt herself anytime she couldn't get her way with het usual manipulations.

    Why would I suggest such a thing? I'd rather you be pissed at him enough for being so cruel and leaving you to deal with his jerky family (my abusive ex boyfriend pulled this blame game via family crap on me too so I am well versed in being blamed for stuff that wasn't my fault in conjunction with being victimed by him) than wallowing in saddness. You have a special and unique life forming inside you. He or she is your priority and you life and that baby won't wait. The life needs you now.

    Please accept my sincerest condolences, not for your boyfriend. Whatever wind blew through him that night, his pain and worries are over. My worry is for you. Find a clean burning emotion to give you purpose and carry your feet forward.

    Blessed be to you and your child,

    Colleen Rose likes this.
  4. Sammie Jenkins

    Sammie Jenkins New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss, I was 15 weeks pregnant when my partner and father of my child killed himself, he died November 29th 2016. I wanna say it gets easier, but I really don’t know that it does. I’m so sorry his family treats you like you caused it, you didn’t cause it. You’ll kill your self with the what if’s and the maybes. You couldn’t have stopped him, you didn’t drive him to it. I wish I had more advice, if you ever need to talk, I’m here!