Recently lost my dad and I’m reeling

Hi. I’m new here and I need help. My dad died recently and I’m having a really hard time. I probably just ruined the best relationship

 

Mpells,

I am profoundly sorry for your loss of your father. I know it has to be extremely hard to ask others for help, but the one thing that helps us all is being able to talk with others who have seen and also experienced loss for themselves. You must be overwhelmed trying to cope with his loss.

When my dad was told he had stage 4 cancer, he accepted it, and then prepared for his funeral. I walked in on him while he was on the phone doing that, while a hospice nurse was with him by his side. Two days later he passed. It was the hardest thing I ever faced in my life besides my losses in Vietnam. I was going to college, was married with two sons, and try to take care of my mother each day.

Finally all of my past coupled with his loss caught up to me. I developed panic attacks and was later seen by a psychiatrist and treated with antidepressants for 5 months. The thing that mostly drove me to this was not being able to let go of the emotions I had stored inside. I was unable to cry, to feel, to see what was happening to me. At the end of the treatment I had lost over 100 lbs. So all I ask anyone who is grieving for another, the relationship doesn't matter, just make sure you also look out for your well-being as you live your life.

At this stage of your grief the first person you should be concerned with the most is yourself. Those people you are friends with or love should be able to understand that most of all. Loss is not something you can just forget about and walk away as some have thought. Those repressed emotions will eat you up inside and eventually if not addressed will take control of you. Am I trying to concern you and others this fear of what can happen is real?

So please just remember, if you are having trouble sleeping, eating, interacting with others you need some help from others, like professionals such as a counselor, a psychiatrist, and even a priest. But also reach out to family and friends, let them know how you are feeling. If they are unable to help, talk with strangers like us who have experienced loss in so many ways. We have shed so many tears it is endless, and still will be. Talking out those fears, those concerns, how you are so darn angry with life can only help not hurt you. Sure you might not get all the answers you are seeking, but just talking is something you can't put a value on. It is your life and livelihood that needs help.

Please watch out for your well-being. Understand that despair can lead to depression, and never be afraid to ask for help. Peace be with you.

-david

I hope you don't mind this song

 

Oh wow. Thank you so much. I felt like you were reading my mind. I am sitting here sobbing cause I was finally able to tell my dad I was sorry for not being there to say goodbye. He died while I was in Hawaii. He had terminal cancer but they thought he had years left. He was in the hospital the weekend before I left on my vacation and no one told me so I didn’t know. I got to Hawaii late on a Monday and woke up to the news he was gone on Wednesday. I got the first plane home and my sister already had him cremated. So I missed that. It was mid March so there has been no wake or funeral. I haven’t even seen his casket. She even wrote the obit without me knowing. It’s been a mess. You really helped. Thanks so much

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad, losing someone that close is so difficult and nothing in life prepares us for the overwhelming pain we feel.
Your loss is very recent, and of course you’re thoughts are reeling out of control. I lost my dad quite a while ago and I thought I couldn’t live a single day without him. He passed from non Hodgkins lymphoma, diagnosed too late. Dads make everything feel safe and ok. More recently I lost my husband to a massive heart attack, we had no warning, just happened out of no where and 2 hours later I lost the love of my life and my children lost their dad all of us are helping support each other. We all know how you’re feeling and feel your pain along with you. My daughter misses her dad so much and has guilt where she shouldn’t. My son lives in Florida but we all support each other long distance. He misses his dad and has guilt he didn’t visit often enough, and missed holidays. All not necessary to have guilt about. I have my own guilt but I know it’s unfounded, we just want our loved person back.
David is right in that you need to take care of you first. Let the tears fall, talk here on this site and with friends and family. I’m glad you feel now you’ve been able to say sorry, but he’s your dad he knows how much you love him, I guarantee it. I know it’s hard that you weren’t there, but try not to let that weigh you down. He knew you would have been with him if you could. And you’ll always have your wonderful memories. And your Dad is a part of you, he’ll always be in your heart.
Take it easy on yourself, you’re a good and loving daughter, he knew that and I believe he still knows it.
Try to get fresh air each day, don’t push yourself to do things, if you’re not up to it, it can wait.
Having such a loss takes time to feel any normalcy, all your feelings are normal and everyone here on this site is going through the same nightmare. Keep posting and reading, it is helpful. This site and the compassionate people on here help me through every day. We’re here for you too.
Sending hugs!
Robin

 

Hi Robin and thanks
I am starting therapy tomorrow. I’ve never looked forward to therapy but this time I’m actually excited about it. It’s hard not to feel guilt or feel sorry. I know he loved me but I just wish I could have said goodbye.

 

I know that’s hard, I’m so sorry it happened that way. It’s great you’re starting therapy tomorrow. I’m sure it will be of great help for you. Losing our parents is just hard. The love shared is so deep.
When my Dad was in the hospital, my brothers took turns spending the night with him. Didn’t want him alone. They each had told him that he fought a good fight, but it’s ok to go and that we would all take care of Mom. One night my brother left a little earlier then usual and those of us staying during the day we’re t there yet. My Dad passed while he was alone. We wanted all or one of us with him, and we ached inside it happened that way. But we also feel he chose to let go while he was alone, so we didn’t have the pain of watching him. We each had told him during our visits how much we loved him. I’m sure you’ve told your Dad how much he meant to you as well. I’m still missing my Dad and still talk to him and tell him I still love him.
I know you wish you were there with him and it’s sad your family didn’t let you know he was hospitalized before you left, so you could have made that choice, to go or stay home. But they were wanting you to have your vacation, I’m sure they didn’t espect this outcome.
Praying for you, Robin

 

David,
This song has me in tears. For my Dad, and thinking of my kids with their Dad.
Beautiful!
Robin

 

Robin,

Sometimes a special song is found, this was such instance. I am so happy you liked it.

Peace be with you.

-david