I have been on anti- depressant for a while. The meds help. I ran out and did not put in for a re- order. That was about a week and a half ago. I am back to be- ing quite sad and I do not care. It is not that I can not afford them, just that I loved my wife very much and would rather really mourn her loss as I know there will be a day when I will not feel about her as I do now and though that day is probably quite a long way off, a small leak can sink a boat. Other things in life have worked out well but the fact is I'd much rather be back to life as I so knew it. The civil war hobby Sofia so loved and for the short time I was in it, I loved it too. I really don't know what is in my future and sometimes think I'd like to ' love again' but also ? As to whether it would be worth it. I do not know where I am on this Long rocky winding road that is always going up-hill. It really is a matter of ' a day at a time.'