When I was nine, my father passed away after a long fight against several illnesses. Every year I got to spend my birthday with him, was one more than the doctors gave him. I don't think I ever got over it. In fact, ever since I lost him I've been searching for someone to fill the shoes of my father. I wanted a father-like love, unconditional and powerful. I wanted to feel safe and protected. I wanted to feel like a little girl. But when I met someone who made me feel safe enough to open up to him - after years of silent depression - I lost him to leukemia. In his wake, I've met a few good men who tried to fill their shoes, but no love proved quite as unconditional as that of my dad and my Aiden. I miss them. Every day.