Hi, I'm new here. I was feeling a little reluctant about making a post, however, after seeing how supportive the members are here, I figured I'd go ahead and share my feelings and my loss (most current loss). I'll give you a short back story. My loss is a romantic partner. Although, we were never able to actually be a couple because it would upset my Brother (He was my Brother's best friend), we talked about it- the possibility of being a couple and went back and forth for a few years but had to hide our affection for one another from my Brother. We did take our relationship to a physical level. He was the most amazing Man I've ever met. In the beginning, my Brother had caught us kissing and was very adamant that we not be together. For a little while even, he refused to be around one of us, if he was hanging out with the other one. My romantic partner was like a huge part of the family. He'd come over for Holidays and he meant the world to me. I had this fantasy that someday, my Brother would be ok with us being together and we'd finally be able to be a couple without hurting my Brother. That hope has been dashed. My friend was found dead in a hotel room in March. He died due to a GI bleed. He was an alcoholic and was in the process of getting help. He had a tragic life. Him and I understood each other. Now, I am not only dealing with the pain of his life being cut short, which has been un-bearable, but I'm finding that I am also angry and somewhat resent my Brother due to the fact that he wouldn't let us be together. I can't help but think that maybe none of the things that had happened leading up to his death would've happened and I'm very resentful that I will never have him by my side. I feel that my Brother was being petty and trivial and I am so angry that my friend and I never got the chance to be together. I love my Brother but I can't help feeling the way I do. If you've read so far, I thank you. Due to the nature of my relationship with the deceased, I can't talk to family about it. I really don't have anyone to talk to.