Grief Self-Study Now Available! Visit Online Support section for more information

Our chance, will never be.

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Navasha, Dec 4, 2020.

  1. Navasha

    Navasha New Member

    Hi, I'm new here. I was feeling a little reluctant about making a post, however, after seeing how supportive the members are here, I figured I'd go ahead and share my feelings and my loss (most current loss).

    I'll give you a short back story. My loss is a romantic partner. Although, we were never able to actually be a couple because it would upset my Brother (He was my Brother's best friend), we talked about it- the possibility of being a couple and went back and forth for a few years but had to hide our affection for one another from my Brother. We did take our relationship to a physical level. He was the most amazing Man I've ever met.

    In the beginning, my Brother had caught us kissing and was very adamant that we not be together. For a little while even, he refused to be around one of us, if he was hanging out with the other one. My romantic partner was like a huge part of the family. He'd come over for Holidays and he meant the world to me. I had this fantasy that someday, my Brother would be ok with us being together and we'd finally be able to be a couple without hurting my Brother. That hope has been dashed.

    My friend was found dead in a hotel room in March. He died due to a GI bleed. He was an alcoholic and was in the process of getting help. He had a tragic life. Him and I understood each other.

    Now, I am not only dealing with the pain of his life being cut short, which has been un-bearable, but I'm finding that I am also angry and somewhat resent my Brother due to the fact that he wouldn't let us be together. I can't help but think that maybe none of the things that had happened leading up to his death would've happened and I'm very resentful that I will never have him by my side. I feel that my Brother was being petty and trivial and I am so angry that my friend and I never got the chance to be together. I love my Brother but I can't help feeling the way I do.

    If you've read so far, I thank you. Due to the nature of my relationship with the deceased, I can't talk to family about it. I really don't have anyone to talk to.
  2. Navasha

    Navasha New Member

    So sorry. I posted this in the wrong section. Can it be deleted? I don't see that option
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you are going through such suffering. We are here for you to share and we care about you. Chris
  4. OutlawLove1013

    OutlawLove1013 New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a romantic partner. He was a recovering addict who relapsed only 3 weeks before taking his own life. There are no words I can say to make you feel better but if you need to talk I will be here to talk and maybe we can help each other.