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Our chance, will never be.

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Navasha, Dec 4, 2020.

  1. Navasha

    Navasha New Member

    Hi, I'm new here. I was feeling a little reluctant about making a post, however, after seeing how supportive the members are here, I figured I'd go ahead and share my feelings and my loss (most current loss).

    I'll give you a short back story. My loss is a romantic partner. Although, we were never able to actually be a couple because it would upset my Brother (He was my Brother's best friend), we talked about it- the possibility of being a couple and went back and forth for a few years but had to hide our affection for one another from my Brother. We did take our relationship to a physical level. He was the most amazing Man I've ever met.

    In the beginning, my Brother had caught us kissing and was very adamant that we not be together. For a little while even, he refused to be around one of us, if he was hanging out with the other one. My romantic partner was like a huge part of the family. He'd come over for Holidays and he meant the world to me. I had this fantasy that someday, my Brother would be ok with us being together and we'd finally be able to be a couple without hurting my Brother. That hope has been dashed.

    My friend was found dead in a hotel room in March. He died due to a GI bleed. He was an alcoholic and was in the process of getting help. He had a tragic life. Him and I understood each other.

    Now, I am not only dealing with the pain of his life being cut short, which has been un-bearable, but I'm finding that I am also angry and somewhat resent my Brother due to the fact that he wouldn't let us be together. I can't help but think that maybe none of the things that had happened leading up to his death would've happened and I'm very resentful that I will never have him by my side. I feel that my Brother was being petty and trivial and I am so angry that my friend and I never got the chance to be together. I love my Brother but I can't help feeling the way I do.

    If you've read so far, I thank you. Due to the nature of my relationship with the deceased, I can't talk to family about it. I really don't have anyone to talk to.
     
  2. Navasha

    Navasha New Member

    So sorry. I posted this in the wrong section. Can it be deleted? I don't see that option
     
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you are going through such suffering. We are here for you to share and we care about you. Chris
     
  4. OutlawLove1013

    OutlawLove1013 New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I also lost a romantic partner. He was a recovering addict who relapsed only 3 weeks before taking his own life. There are no words I can say to make you feel better but if you need to talk I will be here to talk and maybe we can help each other.