Now What

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Abbydabby, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Active Member

    Yes, it’s really weird to me that our families don’t understand or maybe don’t want too. I have friends and relatives from different states that keep in touch more then my own sister next door. Just so strange. And of course all the people and co workers all said if u need anything just let us know but why wouldn’t they just check in once in a while. We were never ones to depend on anyone so that is difficult for me now. I think not sleeping., worry and loneliness has really gotten me down since we have been having to stay home. It just isn’t another to keep my mind busy and occupied. So having a rough few weeks .
     
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  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    glego and Cora, I feel for you both and totally understand. My sister, who is a counselor by the way, came from Florida for the services, stayed 10 days. I only saw her at the wakes and funeral and the get together after the funeral. I thought she was being supportive but learned from others she was walking around trying to make plans for after the wake and after the funeral and each each day she was here. Asking people she doesn’t know for their cell numbers and if they’re on Facebook. She had a huge fight with my sister in law, they let her stay with them. She felt they weren’t catoring her enough. She wanted a different room in their house and blocked all vehicles in with her car, she got in each night after midnight, and she wasn’t with me. There was a verbal fight and she got kicked out of their home.
    After she leaves to go back home she started calling and the calls seemed supportive at first, but it started turning into me listening to her problems and what a horrible life she’s had. Telling me all her issues in life while I’m mourning my husband. Each call became more about her and then I’d realize later she’s accusing me of being a horrible sister. One call she asked if I’m eating better. I was foolish enough to think she really was concerned because I wasnt eating anything. No she was accusing me of eating fast food. I told her to stop judging me and I don’t eat fast food. One thing leads to another I tell her I don’t have the strength for this, let’s not talk for a while. She texts me what a horrible person and sister I am. Only talked to her once since that day last May, I told her I can’t forgive her for what’s she’s done while I’m mourning Ron. She doesn’t even try to make things right.
    But stupid me worries about her and she’s alone while this pandemic is happening. I’ve refrained from calling her, she does t deserve it. I believe she’s a narcissist, and I can’t deal with that.
    So apparently there’s quite a few sisters who just don’t care or want everything about them.
     
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  3. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Wow Robin, just wow. So sorry.
     
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  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you! She has hurt me so much worse then she realizes. I believe the added stress of my sister has made everything more difficult for me. I’m thankful I have 2 brothers, and I can hear Ron saying, keep her out of your life.
    You and Cora both have your own sister stories that boggle the mind as well. So hurtful how we’re being treated.
     
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  5. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    My husband said the same. I did distance myself in the recent years and he noticed I was happier. We'd get together every so often, and I would remind him that now it's at arms length and she'll always be my sister but time together would be limited. But this lack of even a text is sad. She told me once that if I need help just call. Not everyone is alike, I'm not good at asking for help, and especially with this.

    I think all families have some dysfunction, you would just think that it can be pushed aside at these times.
     
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  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    It’s sad how less contact with our sisters make us happier. But it’s true. I’m like you, asking for help is so difficult. I’ve had people say just call if you need anything. I can’t do that ever could. Ron didn’t either. And yes, now even harder.
    My Mom had asked me before she passed, to keep your sister in your life. I promised I would, I’m glad she moved so I don’t feel like I’m failing my Mom. My sister has visited my area 3 times since Ron passed, never once told me she was here.
    I agree, you’d think family could put aside things in times of such a loss.
    Glego, you’re a good person going through a huge loss you don’t deserve to be treated so poorly. None of us do.
     
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  7. Cora1961

    Cora1961 Active Member

    Wow, I thought I was the only one. It just seems since my moms passing in 2016 my siblings don’t even care about anything but themselves. I have a brother that is disabled with ptsd from military and he checks on me more then anyone and he lives in a different state. He just cried about how my other siblings are and doesn’t understand like me. But I tell him, don’t worry about me that my husband treated me wonderful and made me a strong person. I was broken inside from my previous marriage when I meet my husband Terry. I always told him that he was my knight in shining armor. He was the most caring husband, father to my children and papa to the grandchildren. I think my other two siblings are jealous that I had a wonderful husband and he always stood behind me in everything. God how I do miss his support, love and smiles. That’s why it’s so hard to understand why this has happened. I know he was my soulmate and life will never be the same again but he had courage and strength till the end and he would want me to do the same. So we all need to see and talk to the people that make ya happy and don’t worry about the ones that don’t, even if it’s a family member. It’s sad but true, we don’t need any more problems or stress in this life. God bless everyone.
     
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  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    How wonderful of your disabled brother! He gets it, he knows you need support. That’s the unconditional love and support we all need. I’m happy for you that you have him. I do agree about the jealousy, my sister actually admitted she was jealous of what Ron and I had, she saw we were as one, we had such love and respect for each other. She had 2 failed marriages. I also agree that life will never br the same again, how could it but I’m hoping the pain my heart can lessen and life becomes easier. I don’t even look like me, the strain on my face needs to let up. We all know our spouses/loved ones don’t want us to live in this pain we’re dealing with. Ron and I had that talk many times, who ever is left behind needs to go on and be happy and enjoy life. We also knew it would be terribly hard.
    I did get two pick me ups in the last couple days, actually 3. I have 2 brothers, one who supports me sporadically, he’s been in touch much more and his wife as well. My other brother is such a sweet kind person but not supporting me, he called me! When he calls he makes me cry but good tears. And my cousin who lost her brother a month before Ron passed, she text me, she cares she’s a loving person. Those 3 things meant the world to me.
    I agree Cora1961, we need to stay positive with the people who can bring a smile and genuinely care. And shut down the others. My problem is even though my sister hurt me so deeply, she keeps popping up in my head, I worry about her, but can’t deal with her.
    Wishing us all better days!
     
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