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Not sure how to cope now

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Spotted, May 28, 2019.

  1. Spotted

    Spotted New Member

    I've been perusing the site for a about a week. My back story...My dad was having shortness of breath at the beginning of 2018. The dr found his lung was full of fluid. They drained the lung and the lower lobe would not re-inflate. Surgery was performed and a cancer diagnosis given. After biopsy it was found to be mesothelioma. That was March 27, 2018. I grieved heavily knowing this was a death sentence for my dad. I cried and cried and put on the brave face for my dad and mom. He fought it the best he could. The last time I heard my dad's voice was on a Friday. He had a dr appointment on Thurs. The dr said he was doing good despite the cancer. He had already stopped chemo treatments the month before.I received a call from my mom early Sat that dad was on a ventilator. He had made us promise we would not do that. He was asked when he arrived at the er and he agreed as they said they could not save him if not. Long story short his affected lung had collapsed. He was on the vent for 2 weeks. He did not get any better and there was nothing more they could do. We made the decision to take him off the ventilator. Hardest thing was watching him take his last breath. He passed away Feb 8, 2019.

    So what now? I talked to my dad every week for as long as I can remember.
    I am not in denial. I watched his last breath and saw the flat line monitors.
    I'm not angry. He didn't cause this. Asbestos did. At the time, no one knew.
    I don't feel guilt. I had a great relationship with dad and said what I needed to say before he left us.
    I sleep fine at night after a few tears.
    No problems with concentration. It's actually good to have something to concentrate on so this is not what I think about.
    I am just so incredibly sad. I just want to talk with him. I miss him so much. It is a physical ache that I feel.
    I am reminded every week when I call mom and I don't get to talk to him. I just don't know what to do to make the hurt stop.

    If you made it to the end, thank you reading and for letting me put this out into the universe.
     
  2. Sandy22

    Sandy22 Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling. With physical pain you can take medication but there's no medication for this kind of pain. My dad passed away over 2 months ago. I miss him so much. His death was sudden and unexpected. I always thought he would live at least another 10 years. The painful truth is that our time with people we love is limited. We never realize that and never appreciate the moments we spend with them until they're gone. :'(
     
  3. riverinohio

    riverinohio Well-Known Member

    I too know exactly how you are feeling. I wish there was some magic wand to make the hurt go away. My dad passed in December and the pain is still so raw and deep. There are times I have to literally catch my breath. My dad and I had a very special bond and with Father's Day coming it is another reminder of what is gone. I wish I had better advice but I too am searching for answers. I am so grateful for the bond I had with him and so grateful that I too was able to say everything to my dad. That alone is so comforting but yet heartbreaking too. I hope you can find some peace in this process but I think its going to take a lot of time.