Winifred, I know exactly how you feel. The first few month were so bad. I cried constantly and couldn’t make any decisions. My grown children help me a lot. I had to take a few months off work because I couldn’t concentrate and I’d get weepy. I back half time and going full time again shortly. I don’t go places much anymore. My kids often go to the store for me. One of my first thoughts was what you said. There’s absolutely nothing we can do about losing our loved ones. I went to a therapist for awhile but her answer was for me to go out and join women’s groups or book clubs. That’s not for me. I guess my kids are my support group. My extended family is very nice but they never know what to say to me. I really don’t think it just amounts to “we have the choice how we feel”. I can’t control my emotions from one day to the next. Like I decided I would plant marigolds in my yard. I bought stuff. Now I’m just not into it anymore. Yesterday I forced myself to go plant because I didn’t want to waste it. Reading on this website helps. Writing to my husband helps. But overall I feel empty most of the time. Especially if I’m with a group of family I feel alone because I want my husband there. I’m just hoping time will continue to help. I mean my days aren’t as dark as the beginning. But do have dark times. Keep posting. I wish you some ease as the days go by.