New to site, widowed 6, weeks, WTF,!!!

Discussion in 'Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse/Partner' started by HeidiHeidi, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I totally agree. If it keeps you busy, do it.....My problem is getting started on something and keeping my mind on it.
     
  2. Brihau

    Brihau Member

    My god, were the same person. how do we go on?
     
  3. Brihau

    Brihau Member

    My husband of 35 years died on 12/16/19, my only child died on 5/15. I don’t know how to go on, it feels like my life has been erased, only pain is left.
     
  4. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I totally understand.. I'm so sorry about all of that for you. I lost 3 within 2 1/2 mos. this year. I'm still trying to deal with the pain and loneliness. Very much anxious/depressed.
     
  5. Brihau

    Brihau Member

    Three losses, I am so sorry. I read your earlier posts, I totally get it. Tried to register for grief counseling and was told to fill out 13 forms! I can’t even take a
     
  6. Brihau

    Brihau Member

    Shower! See, can’t type either.
     
  7. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    My counselor isn't working out for me either! Doesn't research that Jerry has passed before asking me stupid questions to ask him! Really? Showers are hard for me too. going to bed without one tonite
     
  8. TammyP

    TammyP Member

    I just lost my lone on June 12...he was my everything....i don't know how to do this thing called life without him
     
  9. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    So far my life has turned into being a robot just existing. All I do is think and talk to Jerry Mom and Maggie. Nothing feels real anymore except the loneliness and hurt. Covid has made this all worse. I just feel I don't belong anywhere but home anymore. I'm so sorry you are going through this also. Wish I had a magic wand to make it all better for us.
     
  10. TammyP

    TammyP Member

    All of this resonates so personally to me. My love has been gone 25 days now so I know I am new to this soul crushing pain. I am so sick of people asking me how am I doing.....how the f*&$ do you think I am doing? My soulmate is gone, my dreams are gone, my plans are gone, my future is gone. I am 49 and a widow. How the hell do you think I am feeling? I know they have to ask and I am in a very small town so even going to the grocery store ends in at least a dozen people stopping me. I want to just stay home with only my closest friends to visit. They get it...they don't ask if I disappear or just start crying ...they are just there...they don't have to say anything and won't unless I need to talk. Came back to work in my office yesterday for first time since March. I've been working from home and how I wish I still could. Co-workers don't know how to act. I don't know how to act. Everything is a reminder of what I have lost. I feel like I am drowning most of the time and if I do manage to have some joy it just comes crushing back down when it hits me all over again. He died 3 days before his birthday, his service was on his birthday and the following Saturday was Father's Day. I feel caught in an undertow. ...can't get up long enough to breath.
     
  11. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain. I really do. Jerry was 3/19, Our 10th wedding anniversary 4/16, My mom was 5/8, then Mother's Day, then Maggie 5/12, My birthday 5/15.....Happy birthday to me right? I know that back to work feeling also. It's like everyone is different because they don't know what to say and don't say anything or others are the opposite 'how are you holding up?', 'how are you doing?', etc. Then the covid thing where we are masked and distancing. I work in a medical clinic. We are all scared....that to top my anxiety....and depression. I have 2 friends that are like the ones you described. They understand when I leave the room crying. They are about 25 miles from me. I'm alone with 4 fur babies in the country so things are starting to get overwhelming. I seem to have slowed down from the 'hit the ground at 90mph at 4am and don't slow down until I fall into bed'....I used to get so much more done when they were here. Now there's no motivation. I'm 12 yrs older than you. Everything is gone....
     
    RLC likes this.
  12. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Tammy,
    I’m so sorry for your loss, this thing called life is the hardest thing to deal with alone. The pain and loneliness are overwhelming. Who knew we could hurt this bad. We’re learning and it sucks. When we lose our soul mate, nothing feels the same, nothing feels right, all our dreams and plans get crushed. You’ve come to the right place though, everyone here understands what you’re feeling.
    I lost my “healthy” husband to a massive heart attack. Taken from me in 2 hours. He wasn’t sick, and had no health issues and then gone from me forever. He loved life, we loved life together. We were together 24/7. Ran our business together and I had to close it. We planned to retire this year, now I’m retired and alone. Won’t be traveling or doing any renovations that we planned. It’s hard.
    Your story is heart wrenching, I’m happy that you have a few close friends that are giving you support, that’s important. I know most people don’t know how to act around us. So in my case, many stayed away, that’s a terrible feeling too. Then there’s even more loneliness. You’ve expressed it well, feeling like you’re caught in an undertow and can’t breathe. That is the feeling.
    However your loss is still so raw, so resent, you need to take care of you and only do what you have to. My loss is 19 months ago, I didn’t find this site until it was 11 months since Ron’s passing. I was not doing well at all, this site has helped me immensely, and I’m sure it can help you too. Visit this site often, read and share stories, you’re not alone in how you feel, we all understand and sharing stories helps so much.
    There will be better days ahead, it takes time but it will happen eventually. Take a day at a time, or hour or moment. Baby steps.
    Robin
     
    Liley773 and TammyP like this.
  13. Liley773

    Liley773 Well-Known Member

    Agree with you immensely Robin.