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Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Pammy, Feb 15, 2021.

  1. Pammy

    Pammy Member

    Hi this is my first post my partner died 7 months ago. We were together 24yrs I was his full time carer for 6 yrs. I'm feeling a bit lost and covid not helping. Hope to hear from anybody who understands how lonely life is at the moment. Thanks.
     
  2. MyBoo

    MyBoo New Member

    Hi Pammv. I hear you. My partner died Sept 3 -- 5 and a half months ago from cancer. We were together 9 years (friends for 4 years before that) and he was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer 10 years ago. I was his caregiver for all of those years, made and attended every Doctor appointment, scheduled CT scans every three months, researched all new treatments, clinical trials, side effects of drugs etc... I walked into every doctor appt armed with stacks of print outs to ask the Dr about, what's the next drug when the current chemo he was on stops working etc.... I ordered all his meds and made sure he never ran out. He was my ENTIRE LIFE. I don't know how to function without him. I understand the loneliness you speak of. There was all this for 9 years, now....nothing. We had breakfast together every morning, now I wake up and don't know what to do, what to eat. I visit his grave every single day, have never missed a day and I just am so lost. I don't know what to do. Literally.... I don't know what to do. I don't even want to take a lunch break at work because he would pick me up at work for lunch every day and now, just nothing. I have a few close friends, but I don't even want to be near them, or talk to anyone. I don't want anyone except HIM.
    I am sure my spilling my guts didn't help you, I'm sorry, but I want you to know I'm there with you. I get you.
     
  3. Pammy

    Pammy Member

    Hi My Boo
    Thankyou for replying to my post. It's strange I've spent so many years looking after my husband I seem to have lost myself. My husband had a inoperable brain tumour which caused many strokes. The last few years he was completely dependent in a hospital bed. Carers 5 times a day nurses ,drs etc. He was only in his 50s and I was 8yrs younger. I dont know where you are from but I am from the UK. Healthcare service is amazing if I lived anywhere else I would not have afforded his high care needs. I have good family but most friends just got on with their lives. I've gone from feeling needed to not having a place in life. I am so sorry you are struggling it's a lonely place isn't it. Nobody can understand until they have been there. I've lost a parent but this pain wow. Your not alone and now I do not feel alone. X
     
  4. Nonnie

    Nonnie New Member

    Hi Pammy and My Boo...

    I too lost my husband 04/20/2020. Coming up on a year. Not a day I am looking forward to. I cared for him for 12 years after a quadruple bypass in 2009, then a heart cath that went wrong. He flatlined for 47 minutes and they revived him. His struggles are too many to explain in this forum and frankly, I don't have the energy. He could walk ( for 20 minutes per day), talk and chew. 04/20/2020, a day like any other except, I was working from home due to Covid. I had a delivery from Home Depot and was working in the yard. He wanted to walk outside because it was a beautiful spring day. When he was coming back, he told me he thought he had low sugar. I brought him in the house, gave him a glass of orange juice and 2 pieces of candy. He told me to go finish in the yard. I refused and he almost demanded me to go. I think he knew. 20 minutes later, I opened the door to find him on the floor, a massive heart attack. We knew in Oct of 2019 that his heart was failing and the doctors had done everything they could. But the guilt of walking out that door has consumed me. Add Covid. The isolation. The lonliness. The loss of friendships. The kids moving forward and wanting me to. How can you move forward when you cannot go anywhere or do anything. It's so quiet. Anyway, I'm thinking of you both!
     
  5. Pammy

    Pammy Member

    Hi Nonnie
    Thankyou for your thoughts and believe me mine are with you. My world has just turned upside down and even thinking about starting all over again terrifies me. My husband had a long illness diagnosed with a brain tumour at 34 also suffered many strokes which left him completely dependent. It's been 9 months now but it seems longer many friends have moved on my family have been very supportive. Covid like yourself makes me feel very lonely but every day I get up and do my best. That's all we can do. Happy Easter.
     
  6. Nonnie

    Nonnie New Member

    I hope your Easter was a good one. Again, because of the pandemic, I did not cook dinner but a neighbor dropped a plate at my door. Your husband was so very young! I often wonder with all the horrible things in this world, why people like him were plucked from life. Starting over? OMGosh! I don't want to know someone else's story, or have to deal with their family. I have my own. I have been asked out on a date, to which I thanked the man and declined. It made me feel good but youch! It hasn't even been a year. Grief somedays still paralyzes me. But on the 20th I will spend the whole day with him Each of the kids (5) will be coming out at different times so I will wait for them all. Maybe I will watch a movie while I wait. Write back if you wish! Stay well!
     
  7. Pammy

    Pammy Member

     
  8. Pammy

    Pammy Member

    Hi Nonnie
    Of course I am going to reply thanks for taking the time to get in touch. Lockdown is easing in the UK vaccinations are well ahead ive had both. Not sure where you are from so you may already know this. I had Easter with my sister as she is in my bubble. Up to 6 people can meet outside 2 households Monday pubs and restaurants can open outdoor areas. So more chances to socialise which scares me living alone I get used to my own company. Never been asked on a date not sure how I would react I'm still figuring myself out. Take care keep in touch.