New and probably not in the right place

Discussion in 'Grief in Common Updates, Questions & Answers' started by Dbuelltiful, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. Dbuelltiful

    Dbuelltiful New Member

    Hi everyone. I’m not gonna lie I feel like crap coming here and trying this...especially after reading some of the stories. I don’t even know if I really have the right to call my ...“situation” for lack of a better word... a loss. But the grief is searing, even 9 years later. 10 years ago I made what I thought was the best possible decision for my daughter as hard as it was already supposed to be. In a years time I would find out it was that “totally mature” decision that would not only ruin my name forever but it ultimately resulted in the removal of both my daughters and permanent termination of my rights.

    There is a short version and a long version. Short version is No my children aren’t dead just with other people and totally healthy from what I know. Long story is how it started, the accusation, the process, and the end. I want to give the full story to someone who has actually been through this.

    I have tried counseling in many forms. I couldn’t believe that after 2 hours and 40 minutes in court of outside CPS and county court officials showing hard proof of progress and pointing out the negligence on their part it only took 5 minutes for one person from cps to both convince the judge otherwise and even got him to discount the evidence from 5 other therapists and doctors and even the parenting time supervisor that cps was both lying about and forging THE DOCTORS papers to make those lies seem true. Nearly 3 hours of my hopes rising, everything telling me they were finally coming home after 2 excruciating years fighting. And five minutes made it all mean nothing. Five minutes of her lies, one half mumbled sentence from the judge about my last visit with them and everyone just stood up at the gavel bang and left. Then some lady came to where I was just staring at the wall and handed me pamphlets about “how to cope with grief after losing a child” and a list of therapists and grief groups. Nothing in those pages said anything about losing a child the way I just had... it was all about death. And the groups were the same. One person was even horrible enough to full blown laugh at me in front of everyone after I shared and said if I’m looking for people like me that the NA meeting was later that night since that’s where you’ll end up now if it wasn’t the reason they were taken to begin with. And the head doctors without script pads just said buck up you’ll get through this even though I’m sure the worst thing that ever personally happened to them is a flat tire on a rainy day. And the head doctors with script pads were just like in the movies, parrot what you said back to you in question then without really listening to what you said just write you not one but two scripts because you shouldn’t have to feel sad even though this indescribably shitty thing has happened to you. I found that there is no real place or group for people like me so after a year of trying to find anyone who understood I gave up. I can’t even bring myself to talk to my husband about it even and we have been together 7 years now. But the grief... everyday it hits me fresh and searing at triggers I didn’t even know were triggers. I don’t know what to do anymore... I guess I mostly just needed to let someone, anyone know that my grief is real to. If this yields no results for me at least you all let me rant a little. Thank you

    And my sincerest condolences to all of you who have lost someone